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Ellen Seidman

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Ellen Seidman is a magazine editor, web content developer and award-winning writer. She blogs at 1000 Perplexing Things About Parenthood for Babble, as well as at Love That Max. Ellen lives in the New York area with her husband, two kids and assorted dustballs.

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1000 Perplexing Things About Parenthood, #1-#12

By Ellen Seidman |

1 Tantrums, perfectly timed for public outings. Meltdown in Aisle 8!

2 Parent abuse. Why must kids kick your kidneys and touch your eyeballs? Don’t they realize hair is attached to your head?

3 Where all the damn binkies disappear to. Could it be a terrorist plot to secretly drive parents everywhere bonkers?

4 Caillou.

5 Corn doodies and other poops in which whole foods appear, providing fodder for family dinner conversation for years to come.

6 How tots get away with having cellulite. Not fair!

7 Why people get so perturbed over flashing a little boob during breastfeeding. Nursing is pretty much the opposite of sexy. Even if you were only wearing pasties as you fed the baby.

8 Childproof caps that are adultproof, too.

9 Is your husband really sleeping through the 3:00 a.m. wailing or just pretending? Either way, he’s a jerk.

10 The day you are flipping through the photo album and suddenly realize that your newborn looked curiously like E.T. How come nobody told you?

11 Pediatrician wait rooms with toys from the Paleolithic age.

12 What qualifies you to do this parenting thing—and when some higher authority is going to realize you still don’t know WTF you’re doing.

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About Ellen Seidman

ellenseidman

Ellen Seidman

Ellen Seidman is a magazine editor, web content developer and award-winning writer. She blogs at 1000 Perplexing Things About Parenthood for Babble, as well as at Love That Max. Ellen lives in the New York area with her husband, two kids and assorted dustballs. Read bio and latest posts → Read Ellen's latest posts →

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8 thoughts on “1000 Perplexing Things About Parenthood, #1-#12

  1. Shasta Kearns Moore says:

    lol, very funny, Ellen. Where do you get all this time to write? And committing yourself to another 978? You’re my hero.

    http://www.outrageousfortune.net

    1. Ellen Seidman says:

      I have decided to give up sleeping, so I will now have plenty of time to write. Simple.

  2. Susan says:

    The binkies thing. We moved when my binkie obsessed daughter was two and I was convinced I would find all the lost binkies when I packed and cleaned everything to move. I believe in the binky fairy because dozens disappeared from my house when she was little.

  3. sara says:

    In our house, the binkies disappear down the dog’s throat. Then reappear in the back yard…how’s that for gross?

  4. Angela says:

    Bwahahah @ Sara! Gross!!!!!!!!

    I must say, I never wanted my sons to watch Caillou and I always told my oldest son that “Mommy doesn’t like this show.” So one day when my mom was watching him, Caillou came on, and it was like forbidden fruit–he just stood at the TV in a sin-induced trance, she said.

    Anyway, long story short (too late), I checked it out, and it’s really (don’t hate me) not too bad. Andrew has actually learned a lot of things from Caillou, including how to be kind to his siblings (he struggles with that a lot).

    My favorite episode is “Caillou and the Dragon” about a boy named Alan who visits Caillou’s playschool. Caillou can’t understand why Alan, who, at five, is a whole year older than all the other kids, can’t do all the things like everyone else (like swing and play well together). So they all find something that Alan is good at (though you can tell his social skills are lacking) and everyone is happy.

    I sat there on my couch crying as I realized that Alan has Down syndrome. It allowed me to have a conversation with Andrew (5 years old) about his brother Benjamin (3 years old), who has Down syndrome, and relate Alan’s delays to Benjamin’s and to talk about how there are things that Benj can do well.

    Naturally, Andrew, being the most literal five-year-old-on-the-face-of-the-planet couldn’t see the connection because “Alan is five and Benjamin is three.”

    Sigh…at least I tried.

    Geez, I rambled. I have GOT to get to bed. :)

  5. jessica says:

    yes, Caillou! He is soooo whiny. My son was obsessed for a while there but has now thankfully moved on.

  6. [...] second blog, 1000 Perplexing Things about Parenthood, is housed at Babble.com. This blog takes a light hearted look at parenting both typical kids and [...]

  7. Canuckmom says:

    Caillou taught my kids to say “stupid”. In some episode about not saying bad words they learnt a lovely new one. Grrrr…

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