A Mom Charged In The Death Of Her 4-Year-Old With Cerebral Palsy: Shocking But Not Surprising
Mother Charged In Death of 4-Year-Old With Cerebral Palsy: The headline I woke up to this morning was shocking. Little Amber Elizabeth Moses, who was bedridden, needed a feeding tube to sustain her. She lived with her mother, Alexandria Thurman Laureen Schurr, 21, in Buchanan County, Missouri. According to news reports, police found Amber dead on October 10 after being called to her home. The autopsy reports revealed that she died after her airway got obstructed, possibly from her own vomit. Schurr has been charged with involuntary manslaughter.
From what I’ve read, court documents show that between October 9 and October 10 Schurr did not check on her daughter for 20 hours, even after hearing her vomit and cough. The mother may have left the house for a period of time; police are not sure where she was. “She had heard the child vomiting and failed to go back and check on the little girl and, with the child’s condition, she was unable to care for herself,” said Captain Matt Rock of the St. Joseph Police Department. Records also indicate that Schurr did not give her daughter her medication for several days before her death.
This is totally heartbreaking, and a grave reminder of the level of responsibility involved in raising a child with special needs. I know that well: my son, Max, also has cerebral palsy, due to a stroke he suffered at birth. He has a milder form of CP, but still requires diligent care. He has trouble chewing and swallowing, and cannot be left alone as he eats in case of choking. He’s had seizures, and needs to be given anti-seizure meds twice a day. We have to hold him tight as he walks down stairs because he’s unsteady; I am always afraid he’s going to tumble down. Caring for a medically-fragile child like Amber requires even more attention and dedication.
Me, I’ve got what it takes to be a special needs mom (more or less). I’m definitely not perfect, but I’m super-responsible, resourceful and pretty patient. I had Max in my 30s, so I was mature by then, too (more or less). This mom is very young, with two other children. One neighbor said Schurr and her husband went out frequently, leaving the kids at home with a grandmother. As she told a reporter, “You shouldn’t be a parent if you don’t know how to take care of your kids. You just shouldn’t. And you’re a kid yourself and you want to party.”
There’s no qualifying exam to be a parent, for sure. Parents of kids with special needs have to master a whole other level of responsibility, and as the news reveals from time to time, some are horribly negligent. Last spring, a mom of a teen with CP plead guilty to involuntary manslaughter after her daughter starved to death; at 14 years old, Makayla Norman weighed 28 pounds. A couple of years ago in Philadelphia another girl with CP, Danieal Kelly, was found dead at home, starved, with maggot-infested wounds. Statistics reported by The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services show that children with disabilities are at least 1.5 times more likely to experience neglect or abuse.
Major factors beyond human frailty play a role, including a failure of oversight by child-welfare authorities and caregivers, along with the lack of support for parents of kids with special needs. Up until age 3, my son was eligible for therapies through our state’s Early Intervention program. But there were no official support groups for me during a time in my life when I was at my most stressed and depressed, other than a private one I found. Although we’ve had financial challenges (often, our insurance company doesn’t pay for the extra therapy Max needs), ultimately we’re OK. A parent who can’t handle the responsibility of a child’s special needs and who has financial stress as well may very well crack—and take that anxiety out on her child.
Mostly, I felt fury as I stared at this mother’s mug shot; how is it humanly possible to ignore your child like that? It would be wrong for any mother to abandon a child for 20 hours; it is beyond belief to do that to one who is at particular risk for choking and so, so vulnerable. But the details on Schurr have yet to emerge, and part of me wondered what support she was getting in her life, if any.
People have sometimes told me that God gives children with special needs to special parents. They couldn’t be more wrong. My son is lucky to have me, just as I am lucky to have him. Amber Elizabeth Moses was not so lucky. Today I’m mourning this child’s death and hoping that the parents of this world who cannot handle having a child with special needs read about what happen to her—and get the help they need.
Image: Buchanan County police
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• Adults Who Bully Kids With Special Needs: How Low Can You Go?
• Motherhood IS The Most Important Job When You Have A Kid With Special Needs
• What To Teach Your Children About Kids With Special Needs
This is so hard to take in. There are days when it is really hard to be a parent of a child who has a disability. My son, Tim’s, CP is more like Amber is described. He does not have a feeding tube, but he requires total care and is a risk for choking. That paired with the fact that this happened in my state is tearing at my heart. I can not imagine having a child like Tim when I was 21. I also can’t imagine living the rest of my life knowing I heard the sound of my daughter vomit and did not go to care for her. I agree, I wish she would have had some help.
Once again, you have shared a realistic portrayal of raising a child with special needs. Love and money is not enough at times and different people break at different times and circumstances. I encourage people to open their hearts and mind to their neighbors’ needs. I often say it takes a village to raise a child, special needs or not. Let us pray.
This breaks my heart. I just don’t understand how someone can ever have such a complete disregard of a child. I admire all of you who have a child with special needs. They are special children who often times make adults feel like the lucky ones but in this case it is apparent she was too young to be a mom, let alone a mom of special needs. I was so unprepared at 21 to be a mom. I could have done it and been ok but to be 21 with 3 kids I just don’t get it. I will never understand this kind of senselessness.
Very well written.
I am always so torn about how to react when I read stories like this. I understand the depression, exhaustion, frustration, isolation etc…it wasn’t easy being a single mom to autistic triplets with medical issues.
But I find that so often the news articles (and even more so, the comments on some message boards…not this one) are framed “it’s understandable…she just needed more support”, as if killing your child is a reasonable response to being under stress. Ignoring any 4 year old child, let alone one who is medically fragile, for 20 hours, isn’t about lack of support…unless it’s shown that she actually was insane to the point of incompetence, that’s effectively torturing your child to death.
Of course I agree that there should be more supports available for families dealing with high-needs children- there’s no question about that. But I am always appalled that ‘lack of support’ is often viewed as a reasonable excuse for killing your child. If you don’t have the ability to care for your child, give them up to someone who does.
This is so heartbreaking. I do, however, find the comments about the mother’s age to be offensive. I am a young mom with three children, my oldest has special needs, and though I am not perfect, I take great care of all my children. Being mature has a lot to do with age, but when I found out at 18 I was pregnant I made a choice to grow up and be a mother. I know most people don’t do that but please don’t say this happened because this woman was young. People who neglect and abuse their children can be any age. I do not regret having children young and I do not feel like I robbed my children of anything. I’m very responsible, I take care of my son like he should be, I take him to therapy, I take him to school, I work with him everyday myself, I drive hundreds of miles with him to see specialists and to go to different hospitals, I give him, and my other two children everything a mother should. This woman, and the others mentioned in the article, are monsters and deserve the most severe of punishments, I don’t think a few more years of experience before having children would have made much of a difference. You’re either capable of doing that to another human being or you’re not.
Katy, you’re so right, it’s not just about age at all. Some people who are less mature than you are, however, may not be able to handle the demands of raising a kid with special needs and lose it. I meant no offense to the amazing young mothers of this world.