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Ellen Seidman is a magazine editor, web content developer and award-winning writer. She blogs at 1000 Perplexing Things About Parenthood for Babble, as well as at Love That Max. Ellen lives in the New York area with her husband, two kids and assorted dustballs.

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Utterly Crazy Mom Fantasies

By Ellen Seidman |

I have this fantasy. It involves a hospital, Demi Moore and a couple of nurses.

It’s been on my mind since I first heard Demi had been rushed to a hospital, to be treated for “exhaustion.”

First thought: Poor thing; she just broke up with Ashton, now this.

Second thought: Wow, it would be kind of awesome to be holed up in a hospital for a few days. I could sleep, maybe get some good drugs, sleep more, surrender myself to the care of nurses, play a couple thousand rounds of Words With Friends, listen as a doctor somberly said, “Your family needs to let you get more rest on a regular basis, I’ll have a talk with them.” And then, I’d sleep more.

This is the un-sexy crap that passes as fantasy material for me these days. And, sadly, there’s more where that came from.

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A Hospital Stay And Other Crazy Mom Fantasies

I am in the hospital, like Demi

I am not alone with my hospital fantasy; my friends would happily check in there too. This was revealed after a mom we know went to the E.R. with a stomach bug and ended up staying overnight for observation. We all agreed that was well worth the puke. Fractured leg or arm? Bring it on! Mental breakdown? No, too serious. Those of us with two kids fondly reminisced about our second c-section, and how we got to be in the hospital for four whole days.

Photo/David Shankbone

Photo/bfi Office Furniture

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About Ellen Seidman

ellenseidman

Ellen Seidman

Ellen Seidman is a magazine editor, web content developer and award-winning writer. She blogs at 1000 Perplexing Things About Parenthood for Babble, as well as at Love That Max. Ellen lives in the New York area with her husband, two kids and assorted dustballs. Read bio and latest posts → Read Ellen's latest posts →

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12 thoughts on “Utterly Crazy Mom Fantasies

  1. Whacamole Mom says:

    Hmmm, Demi hasn’t made it into my fantasies surprisingly, but I am totally with you on the exhaustion piece. (See my post Why Me? Of Course Me: goo.gl/2Fhbw ). I mean, I can show you EXHAUSTION!

    It’s funny because it’s true. :)

  2. Jana says:

    So, I’m not into the hospital thing. I lived in Germany for 2 years, and people there LOVE the hospital – but I hated it. The food was worse than American hospital food, and no one was in a rush to get out. I had to BEG to leave 2 days after getting my gall bladder out – which is done outpatient here!

    My fantasy? Staying in bed all night and into the morning – actually asleep!!!!

    Thanks for the giggles – much needed when DH is away and kids are sick!

  3. deb says:

    My fantasy is to send my family into suspended animation so that I don’t have to worry about them at all while I am at a hospital that is more like a spa.

  4. Don’t get me started about my bathroom fantasy … the one where I get five minutes to myself. Sadly, that one always ends with someone on the other side of the door, trying to get my attention, even though the door is shut and locked!

  5. chelsea says:

    Cute list!!

  6. Sandy says:

    While in college my girlfriend had this list of how life was gonna be… what kind of guy she would marry, job she would have, house, kids ect… After having twins & a single her list is much shorter. Now all she wants is to take a poop without having a HotWheels shoved up her nose…

  7. Xotchil Danio says:

    I agree with all of it especially getting into the hospital. Tho I do like sharing my kids once in a while.

  8. dezi's mom says:

    I love my son, but the whole few days in the hospital fantasy sounds fairly good to me, since he just won’t ever sleep for more than two or three hours at a time. He’s 11 months old, but he has gotten into this phase like he is a newborn all over again and now i don’t have the luxury of maternity leave so with work and never getting more than an hour or two of uninterrupted sleep at a time a stay in the hospital might be a nice vacation. So what is this whole hospitalization from exhaustion thing, do you think blue cross would cover it? lol

  9. [...] 9 signs you’ve gone to the parenting dark side 12 reasons I want to be a toddler again 11 totally shameless mom habits 13 weird things we love about our kids 9 hilarious mom fantasies we’ve ALL had [...]

  10. Stephanie says:

    I also fantasize about having to be in the hospital so I can get rest.. Nice to know it’s not just me.

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