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FYI (if you’re a mom teaching her boys double standards and shaming of girls)

I am a mom of a six year old girl. I like to read blogs about all kinds of parenting, but I pay special attention to moms of boys because I’m always curious about how moms of boys my daughter may someday date are raising them. Usually, I’m blown away by some pretty awesome posts and have total faith that my daughter will be just fine in dating choices someday. But sometimes, I get upset. Like when I read ridiculous posts that promote double standards and shaming of girls and wonder, what is this mother thinking?

Apparently, it’s more about what her sons may be thinking as she comments on their “cute rooms” and then mentions, “I think the boys notice other things. For one, it appears that you are not wearing a bra.” She follows by saying:

And so, in our house, there are no second chances, ladies. If you want to stay friendly with the Hall men, you’ll have to keep your clothes on, and your posts decent.  If you try to post a sexy selfie, or an inappropriate YouTube video even once you’ll be booted off our on-line island.

I know that sounds harsh and old-school, but that’s just the way it is under this roof for a while. We hope to raise men with a strong moral compass, and men of integrity don’t linger over pictures of scantily clad high-school girls.

You know… I would get that, and stand behind it 100%….if she hadn’t posted this pic of her sons, wearing only their bathing suits.

Screenshot Taken from Given Breath

Screenshot taken from the post at Given Breath

Sure, these pictures may be innocent to you, Mrs. Hall. They are your babies and you were on vacation, but regardless they are half naked pictures posted on the internet of your sons that maybe not everyone sees so innocently (perhaps even to your muscle man posing sons since that’s practically a mating call).

My question to you, Mrs. Hall, is why do you shame the girls for posting half naked pictures of themselves and not feel the same of your sons? While I agree that the girls should not be posting such pictures of themselves, I would also say that boys shouldn’t be either. No child should, be they male or female. Your words shame the girls immediately without giving any further thought to the damage you are inflicting on your sons by thinking it’s OK to shame and be disgusted by those girls. By allowing them to think those girls are lesser than because they made a mistake of posting not-so-innocent pictures.

This is how double standards begin, this is why male superiority complexes remain and this is how rape culture gets endorsed. I understand the message you want to send to teenage girls, I really do. But, the way to do it is not by shaming the girls but rather by teaching your sons to see women as people, not objects and to acknowledge that posting risque and/or half naked pictures online can damage everyone, not just women. Maybe then we can all rejoice in the fact that our children will see each other as equals and treat each other with respect. Isn’t that what we all should hope their futures to be like?

 

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Sassy Mama In LA

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