Jake is supposed to attend the Oregon wedding of an army buddy he served with in Afghanistan the same weekend. (I decided not to go last minute because we waited too long to buy tickets. I opted to stay home and keep an eye on the dog, horses, chickens and child. Such a selfless soul I am.)
But the situation has opened up something of a dilemma. Do I go ahead and find out the sex of the baby without him? Or wait until he returns home so we can attend this all important ultrasound together? It feels like he should be there. This is one of those events husbands and wives should do together, right?
Compounding the issue is that my OB/GYN is in another town located an hour away. Which means that for Jake to come to the ultrasound with me, he has to take off a minimum of a half day of work to drive over to Charlottesville, wait around a doctor’s office flipping through Parenting magazine together trying not to fall asleep then drive all the way home. It’s a big time commitment for us both. Since we’re both self employed, neither of us earn money during this time.
The dollars and sense part of me — a not insignificant part, I’m afraid! — thinks it prudent for him to stay home (or rather, stay at work) than schlepp an hour to the doc’s office just for a 5 minute glimpse of our unborn son or daughter. Yet, man, how depressing.
Going solo to the all-important 22-week ultrasound feels so casual and anti-climatic, like we’re missing yet another opportunity to share a milestone moment together. This ultrasound is one of those rites of passages that has the potential to deepen a marriage. Even as I wonder if that opinion is the result of absorbing too many sodden messages from Hollywood over the years (you know what I’m talking about….the scene opens with Jennifer Aniston lying on the examination table…the baby daddy holds her hand…they both peer at the monitor awaiting the doctor’s confirmation….it’s a boy!…they both shed tears of joy…)
Jake attended the last 22 week ultrasound with me and I recall — for better or worse — it being a somewhat unassuming affair. No tears were shed. We didn’t clutch each other in a joyful embrace. We were both like, “Yah! A girl! Cool. You hungry? Lets get lunch.” It wasn’t like the moment reaffirmed our love and commitment for one another. It was just another piece of happy news that I could have relayed to him over the phone.
In other words, is it really necessary for the husband to be there? I mean, I want Jake there. He wants to be there. But it costs us both time and money to have him there. Ugh. How reasonable and pragmatic it all is.
What do you think? Do you think this is one of those events husbands and wives should try to do together? Or are you of the opinion it really doesn’t matter?