Halloween Shouldn't Be This Scary

What are your kids going to be for Halloween? My daughter is going to be a hippopotamus, only because I had credit at one of those discount mom websites and got it for free. Am I gung-ho about the holidays or what? She’s going to violently rip the thing off within 12 seconds, so I’m not putting much emotional investment into that situation.

My son is going to be Finn McMissile from the Cars 2 movie. HUGE SHOCKER, as the child does nothing but eat, sleep and drink Cars 2. (At least we moved on from the original Cars movie, although, I prefer that one much more. More heart, less spies and blowing up cars and shooting peeps. Hey! Where are you going? Don’t you want to talk about this for the next 15 minutes? Fine.)

I guess it could be worse. My children could be wearing these gems.

I’m not really sure where to begin with this one. The Girl’s 3-in-1 Costume Dress Set has me a little perplexed. Does your daughter truly need three separate Halloween costumes? More importantly, whose daughter would utter this statement? “Mom! I know what I want to be for Halloween! A Spanish Dancer! No, I mean Minnie Mouse. Hmmm….wait! A 19th CENTURY DEVIL WOMAN.” I understand, little girl…the brain’s natural progression would be Spanish dancer, Minnie Mouse, devil woman. Totally. (????)

Heyyyy, ladies. I’m such a smooth, successful Pimp that even my suit is made out of money. Or highly flammable polyester. Whatevs…gimme my candy or I’ll give you something to cry about!

Speaking of polyester, is this really the outfit that comes to mind when you think of a Chic Diva? Maybe they meant Cheap Diva? Yes, that must be it.

Listen, I can’t even get past the name of this one. Rapsta? Like “rapper” and “gangsta” combined? Or an abbreviation for “rap star?” Is that what the kids are calling it these days? Am I really spending my morning thinking about this?

And finally, the costume all moms should wear.

Because, duh, she looks EXACTLY LIKE BIG BIRD.

Article Posted 5 years Ago
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