Have You Gone To the Parenting Dark Side?

It’s perfectly acceptable to own your identity as a parent. You take it seriously; there’s no harm in that. So what if you bought fourteen pregnancy and new mommy books before you even gave birth? It’s called enthusiasm! You only want to be the best mom you can be and if that means giving up late nights at da club, your penchant for expensive leather miniskirts and the ability to drive a two-seater convertible, you’re okay with that.  Sure, there was a time when the only reason you’d be walking around during the day in old yoga pants was because you were going to yoga. But hey, yoga pants are super comfy and they are the only thing that fit you right now.

I get it. Trust me. I live it. Times have changed and you have changed with them and that’s okay!

But there’s a fine line between embracing your role as a parent and skipping your ass right over to the dark side, as if the old you (who once laughed in the face of magazines’ Cute Baby Contests and never thought about nursery “themes”) never existed.  The following warning signs can help you see if you’ve completely lost any remnants of the old you. If so, it might be time for a good old fashioned night on the town raising hell. Just make sure you’re home by ten because oh God, six a.m. comes so damn early.

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  • Do you carry a diaper bag as a purse even when unaccompanied by anyone in need of a diaper? 1 of 8
    Do you carry a diaper bag as a purse even when unaccompanied by anyone in need of a diaper?
    It's definitely a fashion statement but maybe not the one you want to make.
  • Do you have a favorite Wiggle? 2 of 8
    Do you have a favorite Wiggle?
    Yeah, I know which one. Me, too.
  • Is your toilet seat lid child-proofed? 3 of 8
    Is your toilet seat lid child-proofed?
    If it's in the bathroom guests use FYI, it's very annoying.
  • Have you used the phrase “I have to go pee pee” while out for martinis? 4 of 8
    Have you used the phrase "I have to go pee pee" while out for martinis?
    This is typical with mommies and preschool teachers alike. But single mommies? You aren't going to pull any tail like that.
  • When you hear a baby cry do you automatically start lactating, even though you havent breastfed in years? 5 of 8
    When you hear a baby cry do you automatically start lactating, even though you havent breastfed in years?
    Nuff said.
  • Is there a toddlers voice giving the outgoing greeting on your voicemail? 6 of 8
    Is there a toddlers voice giving the outgoing greeting on your voicemail?
    Your toddler is not getting any calls. Can't we have a little grown-up time when we call you to leave a message?
  • Is your idea of a good time watching a parade? 7 of 8
    Is your idea of a good time watching a parade?
    This might just be me. I don't like them.
  • Do you drive a minivan when you only have one child? 8 of 8
    Do you drive a minivan when you only have one child?
    Listen, I know those sliding doors are sweet but you don't have to do it! You can't possibly have enough soccer gear to fill up that space. Go get a compact and take the extra money you'll save on gas and go to a fancy schmancy dinner. You only have one kid! You can afford a sitter.

Want more from me on Babble? Try Open Letting To Snooki’s Fetus

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