Some people love Black Friday.
They bask in the anticipation of the thing, their very souls clawing at the ribs caging them in. Like tigers hungry for the sort of meat they have been denied for too long, Black Friday people start foaming at the fangs when they imagine the hunt in their future.
Oh, to break free of this tiresome routine, they growl.
Oh, to slip out into the cool dark freedom morning and to see my breath in the frosted steam before my face.
Oh to bolt down the over-lit aisles of a manic jungle and to leap upon the graceful back of that 42-inch flat screen LED gazelle known as The Bargain.
They want to taste it’s thumping pulse in their twitchy jaws.
They want to feel the warm blood of success trickle down their chins, mingling with the Turkey Coma dangling around their exhausted necks.
Why can’t you be more like that?
I mean, don’t you even want to get me incredible gifts for Christmas this year, but at ridiculously reduced prices? And what about the kids?
How come every year when I try to mildly suggest that you maybe head out the door after the Thanksgiving dishes are all done and get in line down at Walmart or Target, how come you always look at me so funny and empty your wine glass and slam it down on the table and exclaim,”You’ve GOT to be m***** f****** kidding me!!!”
Other guys wives are doing it. I even hear about some who are making it a whole fun ‘girls’ night out‘ kind of thing, you know? With camping in tents and everything.
Yeah yeah, I know it might be cold but that’s what hot cocoa is for, right?
Anyway, if you change your mind (fingers crossed!) I have put together a bunch of inspirational Black Friday photos and tips for you.
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