Judging the Leash
The first time someone sees a toddler wearing a leash, they are certain to have a strong reaction. I know I did when I saw my first child leash many years ago. Back then my response was negative (probably of the “what is she? A kid or a dog?” variety), and I’m sure I judged the kid’s parents. That was a long time ago though, and now that I’m a mom myself I realize that I was being extremely unfair.
I began to see things differently when my husband Mike and I wrote a post about this on our blog last year. In it, Mike wrote that he saw the value of the child leash if it gave the parents peace of mind, while I countered that I didn’t think it was necessary. When I went to bed after hitting publish I was certain that I would wake up to comments that reflected our two perspectives.
What I found in the morning surprised me. While there were numerous comments from parents who used the child leash for their own peace of mind as Mike surmised, there were also a great deal of other – often very serious – reasons for using the child leash. There were parents who said they never would have imagined putting their kid on a leash, but found it necessary when their toddler turned out to be a “bolter” – a kid who takes off running the minute he or she lets go of a parent’s hand. This very problem reared its head on the show Modern Family. Cam and Mitchell’s daughter, Lily, was a bolter, but Mitchell was self-conscious about her wearing a child leash so he took it off her. The result? Lily took off and disappeared into the crowd. While nothing tragic was going to happen on a comedy show, in real life something very well could in this situation. This is a very serious and dangerous problem, and parents are smart to put these kids on leashes.
There were other explanations too. One child had horrible anxiety in public and felt comforted by the leash; another had developmental issues and needed to be kept close at hand. Reading all of these comments made me realize I had been too quick to judge, and that instead of being a “bad” parent for putting their kid on a leash these parents were pretty terrific for putting up with all of the criticism and judgement.
The child leash issue, like so many other parenting issues, is one where people are quick to make snap judgements about right and wrong without stopping to first understand the complexities of the issue. I used to be like that, but now when I see a kid on a leash I don’t judge. Instead, I give the parent the benefit of doubt that they are doing what is best for their kid… naysayers be damned.
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I was one of those commenters with a “bolter”.
Yep. I used one. Would do it again if I felt I needed to to keep her safe.
I think it’s high time people minded their own damn business and leave off all the judging.
Well said, Heather.
My nephew’s half brother was a bolter. Five years ago when he was three he was at a baseball field with his parents and he pulled his hand away from his Mom and darted into the parking lot. He was hit by a car and suffered severe, severe brain damage. His parents had been mulling over getting him a leash but were heavily criticized when discussing it with family and friends. Oh how they wish they had listened to their hearts instead of the negative comments from other people.
Yep, we had what we called a runner. We used a leash when we went to things like the Renaissance Festival, and I heard other people muttering “why would they put their baby on a leash?” and “it’s a baby not a dog!” Then once we thought she was doing better and we took it off her, she decided to play hide and seek. Without telling us first. We found her 10 minutes later in a random stall’s dressing room. She was fine, but I think I lost 10 years from being so scared.
I simply can’t understand why a leash would be considered ‘bad’ parenting. My child is two, she can’t possibly judge the speed of a car, the danger of following a cat into the road… And I’m not about to put that to the test by letting her run free. As it happens, we don’t use a leash right now, but she must hold our hands or the pushchair whenever we’re by a road. And when her baby sister or brother arrives and we don’t have a free hand, the leash will be coming out.
My parents used one on me almost 30 years ago, and it wasn’t because I was a ‘bolter’, but because it allowed me MORE freedom. Otherwise I was stuck holding their hand/sitting in a stroller or cart. This way, I (apparently) was better behaved and also confident knowing that my parents were right there at the other end of that tether. Today, I use one on my own daughter if busy places, and I haven’t gotten any rude comments yet. Looks, yes. And if I see kids on a tether, I’m always sure to give the parents a smile.
Nicely put! I don’t have any problem with it at all. The fact is, we all restrain our kids in various ways (car seats, strollers, beds with “bars around them” – what are they, inmates!?). I don’t see how this is different.