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me and the six pack

I’m so thrilled to be blogging over here at Babble, but I feel a little like the new kid in school among all these esteemed bloggers.  So, at the risk of sounding like a lame Facebook meme, let me stand up in front of the class and tell you a bit about myself.

1.  My name is Dawn.  People call me Dawn.  Or Mom.  But that’s mostly just my kids.  Or Shawna.  That’s a Ferris Bueller line.  I quote random movies regularly just to see who’s on the same page with me.  Hmmm, I wonder if Charlie Sheen was winning back when he was in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off.

2.  It’s been 75 minutes since I did a load of laundry.

3.  I have six kids.  Yes, I know what causes it.  Yes, there’s a reason why I have six; it’s because I didn’t want seven.

4.  I’m recently divorced from a man who quit being a father a year and a half ago.

5.  I have an unnatural fear of vomit. Seriously, when one of my kids throws up in my house, I move to another state.

6.  I’ve written two books, Because I Said So (and Other Tales from a Less-Than-Perfect Parent), and You’ll Lose the Baby Weight (and Other Lies About Pregnancy and Childbirth). I’m thinking about writing a single mom’s survival guide next.  Or maybe I’ll write a book about Hawaii because that would probably take a considerable amount of research on the island.

7.   I hate the sound of styrofoam and balloons, I love to buy shoes, but I hate to wear them, I have enough bath/shower products to open my own Bath & Body Works, and I always step on the scale at least 3 times in a row just in case the number was wrong and I really weigh 20 pounds less than the first two readings because I’m insane.

8.  I can’t live without my cell phone, freshly laundered sheets, coconut, rum, and oxygen.

9.  I was born in Chicago and have lived thereabouts my whole life.  I love the city, but passionately hate the weather.  And the traffic.  And the weather (yes, I hate it that much).

10.  A disturbing amount of people land on my blog after googling “bat poop”.  I’m not sure why since I don’t recall ever writing about guano.

11.  I’m addicted to coffee.  I tried giving it up once, but the uncaffeinated version of me scared my coworkers and they begged me to ingest some sort of caffeine.  After about a week, I started drinking coffee again and eventually, they gave me my scissors back.

12.  I don’t do math or mornings.

13.  I can’t spell privilege, amateur, or turquoise.

14.  My kids have taught me that eating blue popsicles turns your poop neon green, no matter how long you leave the freezer door open, it will never turn the water on the kitchen floor into an ice rink, and toddlers actually can subsist on chocolate milk and ketchup for a week.

15.  I’m a horrible procrastinator.  I have a hard time finishing pretty much every. . .

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