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How a Bug Nearly Caused a 5 Car Pile-up

Devil cockroach with laser beam eyes

I realized, after writing about the devil-cockroach incident, that I never did finish my story about how the cockroach, er, Palmetto bug, got his revenge.  Those bugs always get their revenge.  Case in point?  The Bathmoth!  And the Batmoth’s revenge.

Anyway, after my son squished the giant Palmetto bug in my bedroom and flushed it down the toilet, the creature either escaped his watery grave and swam out of the toilet to seek his revenge, or he sent out a buggy SOS to all his friends asking them to avenge his death as he was drowning.  I like to think it was the latter because the idea of a bug escaping a flushing is seriously disturbing.  In fact, I’m so freaked out about the mere possibility of a bug climbing out of the toilet that I can no longer use the bathroom.  I just pee in the shower now.  Kidding.  Just kidding.  And I sure don’t do a bug-check before sitting down on the toilet.  That would just be crazy, heh heh.  Only a real nutjob would take a flashlight and scan the toilet seat before doing her business.  Ahem.

So, anyway.  Back to the revenge.  The day after the bug-squishing, I was driving home after picking up Austin from his girlfriend’s house.  My car was overheating so despite the fact that it was 400 degrees outside, I had the heat blasting in an attempt to cool off the engine.  Between the heat waves radiating around me and and the sweat dripping into my eyes, I could hardly see.  I think I was close to passing out when I felt something on my leg.  Taking my eyes off the road, I glanced down, expecting to see sweat trailing down my leg.  Nope.  It was not sweat.  It was the giant Palmetto bug back from the dead (or one of his cousins) on my foot!

I reacted like a normal, well-adjusted, conscientious driver.  I slammed on the brakes, swerved into oncoming traffic, reached down, ripped my shoe from my foot and whipped it out the window while screaming like an idiot.  Thankfully, we were on a side street and no other cars were around.  If that had happened on say, the turnpike, I’m pretty sure you would’ve heard about a five car pile-up on the news.  I wonder how my insurance company would’ve dealt with that.

Austin gave me an incredulous look and may have called me a freak before I made him get out of the car to retrieve my shoe.

Okay, so I may not be the best driving teacher or role model out there. But there was A GIANT BUG ON MY FOOT! How are you supposed to react in a situation like that?

Want to read more from Dawn? Get her books Because I Said So (and other tales from a less-than-perfect parent) and You’ll Lose the Baby Weight (and other lies about pregnancy and childbirth) here!

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