How I Became Such a HottieJohn Cave Osborne
I’m like the king of hot, but I must say, uneasy is the head that wears crown. The resentment, people. My goodness. I mean, Kelly Lebroc said it best. “Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful.” Because that’d be so lame. Plus, it’s not like I can help it. The bags under the eyes, the bald spot and that crooked grin I sport are all brought to you courtesy of the Big Man upstairs. So if you’re looking to blame anyone, you might wanna start with Him, though for what it’s worth, I’d probably tread lightly.
Still, I suppose I am partly to blame, what with my girlish figure and all. I mean, I do work pretty hard to stay in reasonably good shape. But even that isn’t totally my fault in that I don’t work out for aesthetic reasons.
I work out because I have a bunch of Littles (I stole that term from THIS GUY) running around the house and I’m kinda old to have so many Littles so it’s imperative that I keep my energy level up. Plus, I don’t want them to look back one day and say, “Wow. Dad was kinda old and fat when we were little, wasn’t he?” Wait, that last one is an aesthetic reason, isn’t it?
Regardless, staying fit has been on the agenda for my entire adulthood, albeit with a nice little sabbatical shortly before and after I got married. (Sorta the opposite of Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free? when you think about it.) But once I learned Caroline was pregnant with triplets, I made a charge to get back in shape.
Then we had them and I never had time to do anything for myself ever again.
Only it really wasn’t the end, and when the dust finally cleared, I was carrying around 15 (Okay, fine, 18) extra pounds of JCO. Pounds that I knew would be tough to lose given that I’d already hit the big 4-0. But when I found out that Caroline was pregnant with Luke (surprise!), I knew something had to give. So, in January of 2011, I got serious about working out again.
Fast forward one year and I was officially fit. Only one problem…no matter how hard I worked out, I wasn’t dropping any pounds. Oh, sure, I’d lost five or so, but not a pound more. That’s when one of my friends suggested the Paleo diet.
Only this friend is a bit of a zealot. You know the type: always reading a self-help book in the office he’s wallpapered with motivational posters the kind of guy whose speech is littered with sound bites incorporated from corporate training seminars? So while he went in hook, line and sinker (with great results, I might add), I decided to do a moderate form thereof.
But first the diet, itself. It’s often referred to as the “Caveman” diet because it’s essentially just that: you’re limited to the type of food that you’d consume if you were a hunter and gatherer. That essentially means meats, vegetables and fruits.
If you’re doing the math at home, you’ve probably realized that this diet calls for the elimination of cheese. And carbs. And homey don’t play that. That seems…overzealous to me. So my version of the diet is this: I can have whatever I want for breakfast (usually fruit plus a bagel with cream cheese), but the rest of the day is all Paleo. Until, that is, the weekend when I can eat whatever I want from Friday night to Sunday night.
So, really, I wasn’t making that huge of an adjustment to my diet. Which is why I was so surprised by the results. I dropped ten pounds like that. Which did nothing but further fuel my workouts which led to more weight loss to the point where I now weigh less and am in better physical condition than I’ve been in since I was 30.
Disclaimer I’m not some diet guru, nor am I a health expert. I mean, I don’t even watch Dr. Oz, for crying out loud (dude gives me the creeps), so by no means am I endorsing anything or suggesting that this diet is the way to go. I’m merely relaying what happened to me. I worked out for over a year and was in very good shape, but couldn’t lose weight, then tweaked my diet and BOOM suddenly I’m a hottie. And you’re all mad at me.
There’s one downside to the diet, though. You know, aside from all the green arrows. Lunch is tough. I’ve managed to find one or two staples that get me through the week, but I’m always on the lookout for another one to add, so when Wendy’s came out with their new Berry Almond Chicken Salad, I was all over it. The only modification I ask them to make is to hold the cheese, something which never adds to my (non-existent) wait.
Here’s the kicker it’s not only healthy and economical the Berry Almond Salad is also delicious. The strawberries and blueberries are super-fresh and compliment the grilled chicken quite nicely, indeed. The roasted almonds on top cap it off with a tasty crunch. I strongly suggest you give it a try, especially if you’re trying to watch what you eat. Or if you’re just looking for something fresh and delicious.
So, that’s really it. Part of the reason I’m such a hottie is because God has blessed me with any number of enviable traits including the dome of shame atop my pate. And the other part is because I get regular exercise and watch what I eat.
And Wendy’s has made that last part a whole lot easier. And tastier.