The first New Year’s Eve I spent with my husband was the one that rang in the year 2000. We spent the entire evening in bed. And not because we were making hot monkey celebratory love but because I had the worst flu of my life and was running a 102 degree fever.
I make no secret that New Year’s Eve is not my favorite holiday. It sucked before I got married and had kids because I always built up my glittery Sex And the City expectations and ended up prematurely hung-over at 11 p.m. at some lame party on the roof of a garage where it’s cold and every cute guy is married. The one exception to that is this one New Year’s when…I’m kidding, I can’t remember a single great time I’ve had on New Year’s. But once the kids were here, New Year’s Eve took suckage to a whole new level.
First off, every parent knows Dec 31st is the black hole of child care options. You basically have a choice between no one or a Jehovah’s Witness with nothing better to do. It’s not worth it to even look unless you have something you can’t miss like a wedding (yes 2010 you know who you are). But even if you are lucky enough to find a fifteen-year-old kid with no social life who’s willing to sit for a few hundred an hour, you can’t have any fun because you have kids so you still have to get up in the morning!
Kids can’t tell New Year’s Day from any other day of the year. All they know is they want chocolate chip waffles, it’s 7 a.m., no one’s getting them any and mommy’s got a heating pad on her head. Who needs that? The only other option really is to just give up, acknowledge that New Year’s is for the young and take your kids with you. Go to someone’s house, have a little nosh, watch the ball drop at 9 pm (midnight EST) and call it a night. Trust me, this is really your best option.
The real problem with New Year’s is the pressure to make all kinds of promises to yourself for self improvement. Look, life is hard enough now without having to feel like a complete failure by Jan 3rd because you aren’t keeping up with your resolution to wake up at five a.m. for Boot Camp and completely cut fast food out of your diet.
My solution to this is to either make no resolutions or to give myself some gentle options for self improvement that would be great if followed but if not, no biggie. Here are some of my suggestions, feel free to leave some of your own:
- Don’t start smoking. I think this is good advice for all non-smokers.
- Delete some crap off your DVR that you know you’re never going to watch like “Boardwalk Empire.” You’re not fooling anyone leaving the whole season there.
- Trying to quit caffeine? Try switching from Diet Coke to caffeine free Diet Coke. Baby steps.
- Read more magazines. Those US Weeklys sitting on your coffee table aren’t going to read themselves.
- Use “Holla!” more as a greeting. Let’s try to bring it back for ’12.
- Choose either The Voice or Idol this year. Not both. Oh never mind. That too lofty a goal.
- Get more use out of the microwave. Have you tried making rice in it? What about using the defrost setting? Get on it.
- Think about having sex more.
- Buy more chip clips. At least once a week don’t you think, “Damn, I wish I had a chip clip for these!”? You can never have enough of those things.
- Follow @SWilderTaylor on Twitter. Come on, that’s an easy one. You can make that happen.