5 Ways to Stay Friends, Even After Major Arguments
Photo Credit: Harry Washington
Lamar and I are best friends. And that fact has not changed, even after almost 8 years of marriage. In fact, I would say that we are closer today than we have ever been. And yes, we’ve been together long enough to have had our share of challenges.
We’ve weathered the storms (I mean hurricanes) that are involved with having a blended family, as there were some major disagreements on how to handle discipline. We’ve had to deal with serious issues with setting boundaries with our extended families. Let’s just say some of our drama was reality-show worthy. And in the beginning we struggled with sharing responsibilities (as many couples do when start to live together). And not all of those issues were resolved right away. Some of them are still sore spots.
Yet, we’ve been able to come through it all with our friendship intact and with our bond as tight as ever. And here is why:
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We Respect Each other.
In our arguments and disagreements, we know that there are lines that we do not cross. Hitting below the belt (with our words) is not tolerated in our marriage. Because we know that, once said, some words can't be taken back. Even if you apologize, those words will be burned in your spouse's mind. Photo Credit: Lamar Tyler
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We Put Our Pride Aside.
Oh yes, I had to learn to say I'm sorry. I had to learn to fess up when I made a mistake. And so did Lamar. But you also need to put your pride aside in order to forgive. Yes, your spouse has wronged you. But, if you are interested in moving forward, you have to forgive and let go. Photo Credit: Peter Baxter
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We Give up the Kiss.
Look, every argument or disagreement is not going to be resolved quickly. Some issues can take years to resolve. So what are you gong to do in the meantime? I learned quickly that Lamar was not going to tolerate sulking or the silent treatment. When we were first married, I tried holding on to anger after arguments. But after a few hours...he would say: "OK, now give me my kiss." At first I was like get away from me...I need my space...I'm mad. But, he insisted on his hug and kiss. I really appreciate his approach. Now, no matter what we fight about, we push past it to give each other some love. Photo Credit: Lamar Tyler
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We Get Naked.
Get your minds out of the gutter! This does not mean take your clothes off (although that doesn't hurt.) But this is more about being able to really communicate what's bothering you with your spouse. I feel safe enough with Lamar to tell him exactly how I feel about things without fear of him blowing up. Or (like I said above) him using it against me. You have to be able to release it so that resentment does not start building in your marriage. Photo Credit: Kevin Rosseel
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We Look at the Big Picture.
Most of the things that we argue about are pale in comparison to the big picture which is: our marriage, our commitment to each other, our covenant that we made with God, our kids that we brought into this world, and our community that needs strong families. No matter what you are arguing about, look and the big picture and remember just how much you love each other. And then give up that kiss!! Photo Credit: Pugoodwins
How have you been able to stay friends, even after major issues or arguments in your relationships?
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