Did You Need to Write That?

Several months ago, a man on the Internet made me very, very sad. His name was anonymous, and he told his own tale of despair.

His wife, you see, had been struggling with infertility. So, as many couples do, this couple chose to pursue in vitro fertilization – a complex procedure that no infertile couple chooses lightly. If the price tag ($15,000) doesn’t scare you off, the hormones you’ll be injecting yourself at breakfast will.

In the course of this process, this man and his wife made a conscious decision to increase their odds of conceiving — and to thereby also increase their odds of twins.

(More embryos makes multiples more likely, after all.)

The result?

Twins. Twins they desperately didn’t want. Now he’s depressed. She’s pissed off. And every infertile woman who has read their ramblings is shrieking in outrage.

So, why are we so sad by what you wrote?

Here’s why, anonymous.

  1. You Chose It. Although you and your wife both state that you realize you made the series of decisions that led you to where you are today, neither your article nor your wife’s seems to indicate any actual conscious understanding of this fact. If you did understand you chose it, would you really still be complaining publicly?
  2. You Wrote About It. Anonymously. So you messed up. You made the wrong decision for you and your wife. And now you’re faced with an outcome you didn’t want (twins). You have feelings. Okay. You want to write about those feelings. Great. But do it IN YOUR JOURNAL. Don’t do it IN PUBLIC. Somewhere, in the logical part of your brain, you must know how many infertile women will react badly to such a post. Right? How many women will feel hurt and angry and offended and appalled? Right? Finally, although it may have been smart for your inbox (and your reputation) to write what you did anonymously, it comes off as beyond cowardly. And, as always — it begs the question that many commenters have brought up: Are you actually real? Is there an actual, real couple behind there making such awful choices to publish such absurdities? I think the (sad) answer is yes. As one article put it, if they do ever become pregnant again, hopefully they won’t tell us about it.
  3. You Are Ungrateful Ultimately, though, all the other reasons pale in comparison to the big, bad reason. The reason you (surely) wrote this anonymously in the first place: Millions of women would give their right arm for the blessing you were just given.

So maybe, next time, keep your feelings to yourself?

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