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I Married A Caveman! A Funny Look at Themed Weddings (PHOTOS)

I never thought about having a themed wedding.

My wife and I got married at a judge’s house in Salt Lake City nine years ago after knowing each other for two months, so we kind of missed out on the whole wedding planning thing. (Thank you, Lady Luck!) Still, I guess there was kind of a theme when we got married, huh?

It was a theme called Crazy. (Just kidding, of course. Love you Muffin!)

Anyway, now as we begin to see the flickering light of ten years together at the end of the tunnel, we have begun to give some serious thought to becoming one of those couples who renew their vows. Nothing crazy mind you, no Heidi Klum/Seal stuff where we do it every single year to celebrate our enduring (or ‘fading’, as it turned out) love for one another. Instead, we’ve been casually kicking the topic around over a few beers here and there, trying to decide who we’d invite this time around, since the first time it was just us and a judge who was late for dinner.

We’ve discussed whether we want to do it in a small country church or maybe outside somewhere. And we’ve had fun poking around at different reception part ideas too, like do we want to have a 40 foot hoagie or maybe a 55 gallon drum of hot wings in place of the boring old salmon or chicken entrees you usually get at weddings.

What we haven’t yet discussed is what theme, if any, we will want to adopt as our own when we re-marry each other in the spirit of continued tax-breaks eternal affection.

Do we want to dress up in some serious western attire? Are we ready for boots and hats and holsters with six shooters that, when you pull the trigger, out pops little flags that exclaim: “We’re Gettin’ Hitched!” and “I’m Henpecked!” ?

Or do we maybe want to join the ever-popular Walking Dead crowd and make it a zombie affair?

Hell, the sky is the limit when it comes to putting your own stamp of originality/tackiness/fun/or poor personal taste on your wedding day.And remember, this might be the one thing  people still remember about your butt after you’ve gone on to the great big buffet table in the sky.

“That Serge, heh-heh-heh!” some dude will chuckle.” He sure did like his Twilight movies didn’t he, Bobby Ray??!!”

“He sure enough did, Jackie Joe!” the other guy will spit out.” Remember when he talked his purdy wife into having that vampire theme when they re-did their weddin’ vows?! Heh-heh-heh! She divorced him three weeks later out of shame!!”

‘And that’s when she married you, Bobby Ray! Heee-heeee-heee-hee-hee!”

Then they’ll laugh and laugh and laugh.  Ugh. So, yeah. Maybe we’ll just skip the whole theme thing altogether.

But to each his own.

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  • Love is Green 2 of 20
    Love is Green
    Being Shrek on your wedding day must feel liberating somehow. But how, exactly?
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  • The Walking Wed 3 of 20
    The Walking Wed
    Zombies are all the rage these days. So why not marry one?
    Photo Credit:
  • Beneath The Golden Arches 4 of 20
    Beneath The Golden Arches
    If two hearts want to be covered in melted cheese as they stare into each others eyes while they get high on intoxicating french fry be it. That's a theme, and the theme is love.
    Photo Credit:
  • We Belong in a Cave 5 of 20
    We Belong in a Cave
    That's gonna be one savage honeymoon suite later on tonight, huh?
    Photo Credit:
  • NASCAR! 6 of 20
    I love NASCAR. You love NASCAR. End of story.
    Photo Credit:
  • Trekkie Love 7 of 20
    Trekkie Love
    This appears to be a dude who is not that into Star Trek marrying a really hot woman who is. That, my friends, is a smart smart man.
    Photo Credit:
  • Genereal Lee. Not. 8 of 20
    Genereal Lee. Not.
    Nothing like pretending you're a Confederate General to turn on the new wife, eh boys?!
    Photo Credit:
  • Superhero Bash 9 of 20
    Superhero Bash
    As whacked-out and ridiculous as some of these wedding themes go, there is still something classic and kind of endearing about everyone in the wedding party dressing up like they're at Comic Con.
    Photo Credit:
  • We’re Vampires! 10 of 20
    We're Vampires!
    We're not zombies! We're vampires! Please get that right...there IS a difference, you know?!
    Photo Credit:
  • Au Naturale 11 of 20
    Au Naturale
    Nothing will ever beat a dual nudist wedding. Nothing. Ever.
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  • Meet Me At Home Plate 12 of 20
    Meet Me At Home Plate
    Now this...THIS!...this is how you do it!. Married on the diamond of your favorite big league ball park?! Oh hell yes, please!
    Photo Credit:
  • Star Wars, Part 1 13 of 20
    Star Wars, Part 1
    Star Wars weddings are a classic now. There have been many of them. And they all look pretty damn cool.
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  • Star Wars, Part 2 14 of 20
    Star Wars, Part 2
    When two people find each other in this world and both agree that they need Stormtroopers by the altar when they say their wedding vows, I believe the Force is with them and they will be married forever.
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  • Star Wars, The Final Chapter 15 of 20
    Star Wars, The Final Chapter
    Where else on this Earth could you ever drink a glass of wine and watch two Jawas slow dance then at a Star Wars themed wedding reception? Enough said.
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  • Who Invited the Blue Dudes? 16 of 20
    Who Invited the Blue Dudes?
    The reason more people don't have Avatar themed weddings is lost on me. Probably it's because it seems incredibly insane.
    Photo Credit:
  • A Super Mystery! 17 of 20
    A Super Mystery!
    The reason I like this picture so much isn't just because of the superhero theme (which is quite cool) but also because I have no idea who that beautiful radiant woman is about to marry, Superman...Robin...or Wonder Woman? Whoever she chooses, she cannot go wrong!
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  • Two Quacks! 18 of 20
    Two Quacks!
    You like Duck Commanders. I like Duck Commanders. End of story.
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  • The Secret To a Long Marriage 19 of 20
    The Secret To a Long Marriage
    Let's face it: a whole lot more marriages would last a whole lot longer if both people stayed under water for the next 60 years and didn't say much to each other.
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  • The Perfectly Themed Wedding 20 of 20
    The Perfectly Themed Wedding
    Lower yourselves down onto a death-defying cliff and say your vows with no one else around but the preacher (who must be either drunk or nuts). Now look down. Now you understand what marriage really means. Good luck!
    Photo Credit:


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