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I’ll Tell You What You Can Do With Your Cookies

Some may say that I lack team spirit (I’ve never been employee of the month for exactly that reason) but I don’t want to sell Girl Scout cookies. And let’s face it, my daughter may be the Girl Scout but I will be the one selling the damn cookies.  My seven-year-old is not going to be the one hauling a card table out to Albertsons, loading up the boxes of Thin Mints and calling like a carnival barker to shoppers to “Support my Girl Scout troop! Buy some cookies.”

The cookie business is “one of the biggest money makers for our girls” The Girl Scout rep who came to talk to us about troop life told us during our orientation. “They can easily earn four thousand dollars!” this lady was uber excited for us to get our cookie sales on so we could earn money for camping trips or maybe a trip to Disneyland.

But here’s the thing: I already have to raise funds for two different schools right now. I’ve got Elby’s charter school which is only in it’s second year and needs money like Trump needs a stylist. Then I have the twins’ school which also has a fundraiser approximately every 20 minutes.  Elby’s school legitimately needs the money. And I want her school to have that money because they need to have desks, chairs and new pencils.

The Girl Scouts don’t need to go camping. Plus there’s the time commitment.

“Girl Scout  cookies truly sell themselves,”  the rep said when some of the moms looked a bit doubtful about signing up to head the cookie committee. Really?  Do the cookies actually drive their little mint filled asses over to cookie headquarters, pick up the rest of their friends,  head to stores, street corners and office buildings? Do their little peanut butter fingers  fill out the paperwork, talk people into buying 5 boxes instead of 3 and then hop in a mini-van and distribute themselves when the huge shipment comes in? I highly doubt it. For one thing, I’ve never seen a box of cookies in a little green beret. But to be fair, I bet it would look cute. Especially the Tagalongs.

I know that selling cookies is a tradition. You don’t have to say “Why would you sign your kid up for Scouts if you don’t want to sell the cookies?”  I signed her up because her friends were doing it and it sounded fun. Plus, I like the patches. And the lessons on being a good person certainly don’t hurt, they’re better than lessons on how to be an asshole (those she could learn anywhere).

I just don’t want to sell the damn cookies. Jesus.I’M NOT GOING TO DO IT. Wait, don’t cry Elby…

Fine.

Box of Savannah Smiles anyone?

 

 

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