I’m putting my son in therapy

We all have ‘em. It’s time that we fess up and admit them to one another. What’s the absolute most embarrassing thing you have done as a parent? I’ve got loads of things happen to me on a daily basis, but yesterday’s call from the school nurse takes the cake.

I put my cellphone away for an hour yesterday. Me, who is seriously and utterly addicted to my phone. I want to work out, and checking cell phone messages is very much frowned upon in this establishment, no matter how important you are (or think you are, in my case). Nothing much could happen in an hour.

After class, we all make our way to our lockers to reclaim our belongings and get back to our super busy lives. That’s when I see a missed call from the kids’ school. My heart skips a beat. Maternal instinct kicks in, something must be wrong, I never get a phone call from the school unless something is really wrong.

I check the voice-mail message, and sure enough, I hear the school nurse’s voice. I start rushing to the car. “This is the school nurse calling to let you know…” I nearly drop the phone trying to figure out the fastest way to the school. I’m automatically thinking stomach flu. I’m terrified of the flu, and it will continually haunt me and my brood when school is in session. “…that your son is in the office.” Called it! It’s most definitely the flu. But then I keep listening. “He is not sick. It appears that he has a hole in his shorts.” Ruh-Roh. This isn’t looking so good. If she’s calling me about a hole, and he’s not in class, this CAN’T be good. “The hole is in his crotch area.” I KNEW it. “Please come rescue him.” Oy, the guilt.

I rush home and grab another pair of shorts. I check the crotch. Heck, I check every part of those shorts. I’m the Mom that just sent her kid to school with a hole all up in his business. Who does that?
I remember the shorts, too. My middle son was skateboarding and ripped them. They were supposed to have been trashed when we got home. Instead, I washed them, folded them, and put them away.

Even the principal is in on the joke. She heard the nurse make the emergency phone call and had to see what was going on. Luckily, my son doesn’t seem traumatized in the least. He thinks it’s pretty funny. But I could just see him dishing it to his therapist in his twenties: “My mom sent me to school with shorts with a massive hole in the crotch.” As for me, the delinquent mother with the holy shorts, I most certainly am not laughing. Heck, no.

Tell me, what was the most harebrained thing you have ever done that involved your kids? Make me feel better, please???

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