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Watch Your $%#^ Mouth

By Jennifer Doyle |

My favorite pastimes when I was in fifth grade included playing Barbies and cussing. It was that pre-adolescent age where I still longed to be a little girl and dress up Barbie and Ken for a hot date in their purple convertible Corvette, but I also loved to experiment with adult responsibilities like yelling out the f-word randomly when nobody was listening.

I became something of a professional over the years, in terms of curse word usage. I couldn’t in good faith accept this honor without thanking my curse word mentor, my dad.  His combination use of the f-word, puppies, and mothers was truly…something.  My husband Tate and I and our sailor mouths decided to curb the use curse words once we had our children.

I’ve been mostly* curse word-free since 2005.  (*Exceptions to this include when I’m running and it’s really HOT or when I stub a toe, get a paper cut, someone spills milk on a freshly mopped kitchen floor, realize I forgot the item at the grocery store that I actually went to get in the first place, find a load of wet, stinky clothes in the washing machine that I forgot about, lose one shoe, the kids lose one shoe, my husband loses one shoe….)

So, okay, I should clarify that I only say curse word singletons under my breath so that the kids hopefully won’t hear, and I really try hard to never use the Lord’s name in vain.

The kids have yet to use any of the seven dirty words made famous by George Carlin. Luckily, they haven’t even heard five of those words since I can honestly say we don’t use those words, though I’m not naive and realize that they could have already heard them at school. In addition to those seven dirty words, we have other words that we don’t allow in our home-at least not when they’re used in the wrong context.

1. Retard It’s hurtful and there’s just no reason to use this word at all.

2. Idiot and stupid. Thanks to the SpongeBob song “Idiot Friends,” my kids think this is a hilarious name to call each other. And the word stupid is usually used to describe things they really don’t want to do, like running errands or taking a bath.

3. Hate. This word is such a strong word, the kids can’t truly grasp what it actually means to hate. I don’t want the kids saying they hate a person or a thing when it’s a word that should be reserved for situations that warrant its use.

4. What the. This phrase drives me batty and it’s EVERYWHERE. I hear kids saying it all the time at school and the park, but I don’t let me kids say it since the word that should come after “What the” is one of those seven dirties.

5.  Potty talk. My kids, my four-year-old daughter especially, LOVE to potty talk.  I’m not talking about when they’re discussing the need to use the restroom, but when they are just plain being gross. Poop this, pee that — and they always seem to say these things at the most inappropriate times in their loudest voices, like at the library or when we’re meeting someone new for the first time.

I’m sure that more words and phrases will be added to the list as they get older.

What words are on your list?

(photo credit: iansoper via Flickr)

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About Jennifer Doyle

jenniferdoyle

Jennifer Doyle

Jennifer Doyle isn't sure what she wants to be when she grows up. Read bio and latest posts → Read Jennifer's latest posts →

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2 thoughts on “Watch Your $%#^ Mouth

  1. Sarahviz says:

    In my Trenches, the “f” word is “fricking” or “frigging” and the “s” word is “shut up”. Not allowed!

  2. Rebecca says:

    We have the same banned words on our list at our house too. Plus fat. I have three girls and I’m trying to shelter them from down the road, and thinking they are fat in today’s misguided media world of what women should look like. Hopefully teaching them to be respectful of other people’s sizes now will teach them to look at themselves that way too.

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