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Cassandra Barry is sometimes known for playing the role of "my lovely wife" in Joel Stein's columns for Time magazine and other publications. His story in which she ate her own placenta in pill form is the one she's most often asked about. Her son, Laszlo, is in preschool. After several years in New York City, she loves living in Los Angeles, where she works as a textile designer. She finds it weird to write about herself in the third person like this. about joel

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10 Crazy Ways to Lose Weight

By Cassandra Barry |

Give me a quick fix to get rid of these pounds!

I’ve spent my entire adult life living in either NYC or Los Angeles. I’m pretty used to being around women doing weird things in the name of vanity and losing weight. So when I heard about the feeding tube diet, I was unfazed. The surprising part to me was the eruption of outrage and disgust that followed the story in the New York Times Style section.

This diet involves spending eight days on a portable feeding tube inserted through the nose. It supplies less than 1000 calories per day of liquid nutrition. It sounds extreme, but when you think about it, women have been doing crazier things to squeeze into a dress. At least this one is supervised by a doctor.

Some people are upset because they feel that this is a serious medical procedure that’s being trivialized. But aren’t tons of medical procedures eventually adapted for cosmetic use? Important medical devices and technologies have been used for frivolous reasons for ages. If there were a limited number of feeding tubes in the world and they were being taken away from people who really needed it, I would be outraged. Otherwise, I say live and let live. They’re not hurting anyone, except maybe themselves.

Some women will try any quick fix for losing weight, in an effort to avoid eating more vegetables and less cake. They’ve been using techniques that are just as outrageous as the feeding tube diet. Here are 10 of them that are pretty crazy, when you think about it. Can you guess which ones I’ve tried?:

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Crazy Ways to Lose Weight

Tapeworm

You think this photo of a garden worm is gross? Consider yourself lucky that I spared you the sight of a tapeworm. This disgusting-looking parasite is intentionally ingested so that it will consume all your food for you. Eat as much as you want! This little guy will eat it all for you. For the low, low cost of free rent in your bowels. Sounds like a bargain to me. The worms crawl in, the worms crawl out...
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photo credits: morgueFile

click for resources: The Master Cleanse, Tapeworms, HCG Diet, Baby Food Diet, Colonics, Diet Pills, Stomach Stapling, Liposuction, Vomiting, Starving

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About Cassandra Barry

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Cassandra Barry

Cassandra Barry is sometimes known for playing the role of "my lovely wife" in Joel Stein's columns for Time magazine and other publications. Her son, Laszlo, is in preschool. After several years in New York City, she loves living in Los Angeles, where she works as a textile designer.

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9 thoughts on “10 Crazy Ways to Lose Weight

  1. Jill Cordes says:

    I’m guessing you did colonics. Surely your husband had some awards show you needed to attend with him. Am I right? (I hope you didn’t have a worm in your butt).

  2. christine says:

    I’m currently on the hCG diet, and so far it has been working for me. Tough? Yes. Impossible? No. I think the broader picture of the hCG diet is re-teaching yourself how to eat. Taking it down to the minimum to get you where you need to be, and slowly adding more items back in. As with any diet, if you’re committed to living a healthier lifestyle, by the time you get to the “adding back in” point you’ve learned much healthier eating habits, understand process foods more, and learn portion control by having weighed your foods every day.

    Learning how to eat the right way is what led me down the path to hCG. Most people are so blinded by the weight loss goal, that they fail to see the long term changes they should be making.

  3. Alicia says:

    Pumping yourself full of hCG is ridiculous and plain stupid. It’s not fully understood what the actual effects are of doing that, and you would honestly shot up something that isn’t fully understood? It’s entirely possible to learn how to eat better without being stupid about it. It just takes work instead of looking for the lazy way out. And that’s what all of these methods are: The lazy way out. I fully understand the parents who are upset with the feeding tube “diet”, because their children would *love* to be able to eat like their friends and family do, to be able to taste and enjoy food, and to not have people stare at them, and these ridiculous women are using the tubes because they’re trying to fit into a dress they’ll wear once. They’re too lazy to lose weight the right way, and too vain to get a dress in the correct size. I’m overweight and want to lose weight so I feel better, and I’m doing it the right way. My diet has had a major overhaul, and I’m starting to be more active. It’s hard as hell when I go out to a party or something, but it’s worth it in the end, and I’ve lost 13 pounds so far. So I don’t want to hear how hard it is because I know how hard it is, but if you stop being lazy and doing ridiculous things, you’ll succeed without looking like a complete idiot.

  4. tanya says:

    HCG Saved my life.. i have lost 100 lbs and kept it off since and am continuing to lose weight!!!!

    HCG IS CRAZY…. CRAZY AWESOME!

  5. DMarie says:

    @Alicia – Unless you have actually tried something, you shouldn’t pretend you know what you’re talking about. Its great you’ve chosen to reduce your diet and exercise to lose your weight, but who are you to condemn how other people chose to lose theirs? I’ve done 2 rounds of HCG and lost a total of 45lbs. Started June 2011 and have kept off every single lb since. Just because you don’t agree with the diet does not automatically make it “ridiculous” or “plain stupid”. It also CERTAINLY does not make me and thousands of other people “lazy” as i can assure you it takes everything BUT laziness to complete this diet. So once again, do some research and maybe talk to some actual people who have done the diet, before you go off spouting nonsense you know nothing of :)

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