You Say It’s Your Class’ Birthday
Laszlo celebrating his 2nd birthday in NJ with some people who love him: His parents, grandparents and extended family.
I got an invitation to a toddler birthday party from someone I don’t know. I recognized the name of the child as someone in my son’s preschool class. But I’m not even sure which kid. At first I thought that the parents must be new to Los Angeles and are looking for friends. Then I found out that this is how people throw birthday parties for kids now: You invite every single kid in your kid’s class.
I’m pretty sure I didn’t go to any toddler birthday parties when I was a toddler. I think I went to birthday parties in kindergarten, but I know I didn’t go to a birthday party for every kid in my class. My kindergarten friends invited me to parties. Not my parents’ friends. Not everyone in my class. Plenty of people in my class in kindergarten and even elementary school had birthday parties that I didn’t get invited to. And I was okay with that. Because they weren’t my friends. I wasn’t the most popular kid, as you can probably tell by this anti-social rant. But I had my friends, and other people had their friends and we all had our own parties and everybody was fine with it. Which is kind of how life works as adults. I’m sure you know and like a couple of your neighbors, but it doesn’t mean you have to invite them to your parties, and vice versa.
My son, Laszlo, doesn’t even have any friends. Because he’s two and a half years old. He has play dates with the toddlers of my friends. And he goes to a preschool where I’m sure he doesn’t mind playing next to the other children. When I ask him who his favorite kid to play with at school is, he says “Teacher Hilary.” When I say “What about the kids? Are there any kids you like?” He says, “Um, Teacher Nicole?”
Maybe the reason for this whole “invite everyone” thing is the fear of one or two kids not getting invited to any parties. When I was growing up, it was a kid named Billy. Billy eventually figured out that to be socially accepted, he needed to take a shower. He grew up and started calling himself WIlliam. He actually turned out to be kind of good looking, once he washed his hair. Do you think Billy would have figured out what he needed to do to blend into society if we had all invited him to all of our parties because we had to?
If a kid is disliked by other kids, maybe he’s a brat who needs to stop being bossy. Maybe he’s a biter who needs to play nice. Let the social ostracizing serve as a wake up call. So your little one wasn’t invited to any parties this year? Maybe he’s got anger issues and you should get him some therapy. Maybe he’s being bullied and you should switch schools. Everyone needs to stop pretending like it’s okay to invite the kid who punches everyone to all the parties.
Maybe parents think that by inviting everyone, including the kids with no friends, everyone will feel included. I’m guessing that if there are cliques at school, the same cliques will form at the party. I’ve heard kids say things to each other that would make me burst into tears. Small children are more brutal than the extremely wealthy and drug addicted teenagers in “Less Than Zero”.
Most of my annoyance with this new way of birthday partying has to do with my social exhaustion. I have more friends than I have time to hang out with. I only get to see some of my best friends once every couple of months. I need to streamline my social obligations. I need to spend more quality time with my real friends, weed out the people who aren’t my real friends, and spend less time going to parties. If I’m going to go to a party, it should be for one of my real friends or for one of my kid’s friends. Life’s too short.
The “invite everybody” birthday party madness not only costs too much time, but also too much money. Let’s say that between my husband and I, we have about 30 friends who have kids. (That’s a low-ball guess). In addition to those kids of our friends, there are just under 20 kids in my son’s preschool class. That’s about 50 kids and 50 parties. If you average that out, that’s about one kid party per week. One employee at a kid’s store in Los Angeles recently told me that most people spend about $30 on a kid’s gift for a birthday party. That’s $1,500 per year on toddler gifts for parties that nobody’s two or three year old kid is going to remember.
Let’s keep the toddler birthday parties what they should be: A chance to socialize with our parent friends. Within a few years, our toddlers will grow into small children who develop friendships. Soon enough, they will tell us who they want to invite to their birthday parties. They won’t be friends with everyone in the class, probably. And that’s okay. You’re not friends with everybody you meet, either.
Definitely with you on this one!
Here’s a crazy idea: Don’t go to every party your kid is invited to.
Also, what if the one kid no one wants to invite has Asberger’s or Down Syndrome or is really shy? Still feel fine about excluding him?
Cassandra, I’ll back you up on this one. Furthermore, to speak to another comment, we have gone out of our way to teach our children to be accepting of children who have a more difficult time. That includes inviting those children over for playdates and giving an extra effort to befriend them. If they are ready for friendship and group social interaction – great! If not, then they would not enjoy the chaos of a party. Parents of any child who struggles socially – for any reason – need to reach out, get involved and help to create friendships as well. So when children are invited to a party it SHOULD be because they are a friend. I dont think anyone wants a pity invite.
@anonymom I think it’s nice to invite an odd kid out if you want to or your kid wants to. Sounds like a nice way to teach kindness. I just don’t think we should HAVE to invite EVERYONE. The bit about intentionally ostracizing the mean kids is meant a bit tongue and cheek. I’m starting to wonder if I should cut down on the humorous bent to my blogs. People are very serious around here! Maybe next week I will write “Kids! Aren’t They Cute?”
Fantastic, funny and a great commentary.
nailed it. parent social life in the early 2000s brooklyn made me homocidal. thanks for posting.
I would totally read ‘Kids! Aren’t They Cute?’ but only if it were a smackdown between kids and puppies and the winner took on baby meerkats.
Just put on the invitation that you will be serving wine to the kids and I imagine you will be exempted from this rule rather quickly…
I’m with you, Cassandra! And no, I don’t think you should have to invite the kid with Down’s if you or your kid aren’t into it. The idea is a little silly — the party is about doing what your kid wants to do. Come on, do you invite the neighborhood sexual predator over for cocktails just to prove how accepting you are?
Really! When did this start??? I am all for inclusion and work for that and social justice every day. BUT no one – even and maybe especially those with disabilities – should be invited to a party because they HAVE to be invited! Do people honestly think forcing the invite will make the kids all belong? I don’t think so! Let’s help all kids learn how to be a friend, and to make friends; Then they will have legitimate, actual, friends….. who will willingly invite them to their parties!
when your child is 3 and think the world revolves around them, they won’t give a rats ass about not being invited to Suzy’s birthday party. When that child is a bit older and every other child in the class went to Suzy’s party, it is another story. My kids are only allowed to have bday parties every other year and I feel guilty doing it that often. They don’t need the toys and honestly, they don’t need to believe they are of rock star stature. Our rule is, you invite everyone. Until your child is excluded, it is easy to blather on about “everyone not having to be friends” because frankly, you can’t imagine ANYONE not loving your child as much as you do. When they start paying for their own parties, they can make their own rules.
This is one of the aspects of my oldest starting school before long that I am not looking forward to. So far all of the parties for kids we’ve gone to HAVE been for “his friends” (such as a three-year old has) and have been smaller affairs with little or no gift-giving pressure at all. This whole “you must invite every child in your class” thing seems ridiculous.
Couldn’t agree more! Great points and well written.
At my sons’ school the policy is that if you don’t invite every kid or every child of that gender in your child’s class to their birthday party, then you cannot send invites to school. I completely back you up on this one. I HATE having to invite kids my boys can’t stand because otherwise their actual friends can’t go!
What?? You promised I could have the ““Kids! Aren’t They Cute?” idea for next week!
@SBR : If my kid ends up not having any friends at all, I don’t think inviting everyone in the class to his birthday party is going to solve anything. If other kids in his class are forced to invite him to their birthday parties, even if they dislike him, that sounds like a bad idea, too. So that they can be mean to him in their own homes instead of at school? Or so that the parents can temporarily force their kids to be nice to him? Ugh.
Do you serve wine to the children at Lazlo’s party?
So if I put my triplets in different classrooms I should have to invite 60 people to a 5 year old birthday party? And the school can also require me to put them in different classrooms? Schools should stay out of personal choices! And no the kid with down syndrome or the kid that eats glue or the kid that’s a bully shouldn’t have to be invited.
Ya know our generation supposedly has the highest sense of self esteem bc of these practices. The down side, we’re raising a bunch of entitled, selfish, brats that don’t think they cannot do any wrong and shouldn’t be punished for their actions.
It’s my fault if my kid has no friends and I’ll take responsibility for not socializing then properly, not reporting bullying, or not having them in therapy that deals with any social disorders.
I understand your point, but I kinda wish I had your problem. As someone who doesn’t have a lot of friends with kids where I live, I’d be ecstatic to get an invite to a birthday party of one of the kids at Declan’s preschool. Granted, that has more to do with my own social woes than my child’s. Either Declan is the ostracized kid who doesn’t get invited, or this trend isn’t really catching on in my rural neck of the woods.
who said you have to invite the whole class to your kids birthday? maybe these people are just staging an opportunity for all of the parents to meet. you might appreciate that once your kids reach dating age. it’s very nice of them considering all of the money they are spending. i’m sure that not everyone in the class can afford to or even want to attempt to do it. (i sure wouldn’t, i’m pretty antisocial, too) while you are there you can see what the other parents think. say something like, “this is a really nice birthday party, i wish we could afford to do things like this every year” or whatever excuse. they will get the picture. if you want to go, go. if you don’t, i’m sure they will understand. i can’t imagine that every kid will show up. it might be the only all inclusive birthday party of the year, though.
I totally agree- It has gotten out of hand. I do have to say though that as a teacher, I am almost positive it’s a school rule at my private school that in the preschool classes every child needs to get an invite. If it is all of the kids of one gender that is ok, but otherwise it needs to be the whole class… This is obviously a directive that has come as a result of numerous parent tantrums when their child hasn’t gotten an invite. The school is sick of hearing about it. I think it only takes one trip to your local park to see that a lot of parents are just plain ridiculous nowadays when it comes to their little darlings…. ;-)
As a mom and a preschool teacher I had to set up a few rules for going to parties with my family. 1st if it a student then my family must have been invited too. Weekends are family time, and I see these kids all week. Next if it is for my kids, then there must be a formal invite, not just the kid’s word on it. Then do you play with them? No, well…. Then do you like them? No, well I don’t think so. Gender does play a role. If my son has been invited to a girl’s party it is less likely that we will go , because they probably invited the whole class. I make special attention to go to parties where my child was chosen to go, not a mass invite.
I have found most schools ask you to invite the whole class if you want to pass out at school ,or mail the invites. Also if you only invite some, most places will address and drop in the mail for you if you give them Sealed and stamped invites. They have to preserve personal information.
Set up rules, don’t drive yourself crazy thinking you have to go to everything. It gets easier as the kids get older. People tend to invite those that came the year before as time goes by. So if you and your child like the kid, make a point to go. Now we only get invites from good friends.
Not only are there kids I wouldn’t to my birthday parties, there are parents I wouldn’t want in my home. I worked in retail for 16 years, and got to know a very large number people while I was in high school. And after meeting some of those parents, I wouldn’t want them knowing where I lived.
It’s my party, I get to decide who gets an invite. If you feel you should have been invited, be someone worthy of my invite. I’ve had small parties in some years, large in others. And every person at my parties was a welcome and wanted presence, not someone I felt obligated to endure.
This weekend, a good friend is turning 40. I’m not rich, so his birthday present will probably be a couple 2Ls of Dr Pepper, because that’s what he likes. We won’t be spending a ton of money, we won’t have a ton of people, but we will have a great time, because we are -family-. And that’s what your birthday should be about. Family.
It’s Birthday Week on Babble! Besides wanting to see before and after pictures of Billy I just wanted to say that I couldn’t agree more. Inviting every kid in your child’s class is like inviting everyone you work with to your wedding. It should never be assumed that everyone wants to be there anyway. I’m starting to explore off-site parties though…my friends drink too much.
since your toddler is clearly not of decision-making age, if you don’t want to go to a party, don’t go. but don’t resent others for having the good graces to invite you and your child. hopefully your neighbors will read this and see that you’d rather not be bothered with their hospitality. (by the way, with the current anti-bullying climate and trend of child suicide, suggesting that a child of any age be purposely ostracized is questionable at best- i guess i missed the “humor” you intended.)
See, my son is in Kindergarten, so because I resent going to the kids’ parties with him, I don’t miss any opportunity to send my husband. I somehow can’t justify the nonsense talk there… Or the bragging moms, who validate themselves by putting you down or excluding you in some way /often new to you!/.
Running the risk to sound like a sociopath, but I am not into mommy talk at the playground either! :)))
You’re absolutely right Cassandra. It doesn’t mean you’re “pro-bullying” or insensitive to special needs kids, but in our “everybody gets a trophy” society, and believe me, that is exactly what this represents on just a different scale and in a different environment, all you’re doing is sheltering your kids from the fact that life can be tough, people can be mean, people are different, not everyone is a genius, and they don’t always win. I went to school with kids with difficulties, and I learned not to be cruel to them, not by inviting them to my birthday party, but because my parents taught me to not be an entitled jerk. Bravo to you for speaking truth to the wussification of kids.
We have invited everyone in the class for both the 2nd and the 3rd birthdays. It wasn’t that much more expensive because we had a park party with simple snacks. We did it because we thought it was a nice way to get to know the other parents and children (our kid has a beginning of the school year birthday).
Honestly, I didn’t care that much if most of the kids came or did not come. I also didn’t care if the invitation was reciprocated (about 60% of the class did invite us back). I did, however, get annoyed when people didn’t RSVP at all – that’s simply rude.
But funny enough, it did have the effect of making our daughter very popular. Everyone knew who she was. We sent thank you notes with our kid’s picture on them, and signed them from her. Several of the kids were so excited to get real mail, they even carried the notes around with them for weeks.
We’ll probably invite everyone for one more year, and then just stick to friends once we hit kindergarten and the parties get a little more elaborate.
My point is, don’t invite everyone if you don’t want to. But on the other hand, don’t get all whiny if other people choose to. Just act like the adult and decline politely.
BTW, $30 seems very high for a gift. I’d say $15-20 is more the average, and I’m also in LA.
JennyMontyinSD, I agree with you and I think that when you distort reality purposely for your kids by supporting the “everyone gets a trophy” culture, you are partly to be blamed for their dramatic heartbreak when you are no longer able to shelter them.
Cassandra, I agree with you completely! Invite those who are really friends. Parties have become more of a production. For the parents. Who cares?! Its an effing birthday party! Disappointment is a part of growing and learning. Get used to it, kids! People are going to be mean. People are going to make fun of you. Just the other day, my 10 yr old daughter was telling me how she & some kids at school, boys and girls, play soccer everyday during recess. My daughter has never played on a team and isn’t super athletic. She told me one of the boys was making fun of her and saying she wasn’t even trying. My daughter then told me, “it hurts me when he says stuff like that but at the same time it makes me want to do better, show him he is wrong. And practice.” I was so proud of her. I empathized with her and was able to point out that when people are mean or we feel excluded we can either let it bring us down or we can try to defend ourselves and do something about it, or let it go.
On a side note, I am so tired of hearing about how all the kids on sports teams receive an award. What’s the use in trying your best if everyone gets an award in the end anyway? It is the parents’ responsibility to explain to their children that they don’t always win, its perfectly ok if they don’t, and that it is important to try your very best.
It breaks my heart when my children have been hurt by another, or felt left out but I am not naive enough to try to fulfill their every whim. And make them happy all the time. Kids need to feel all different kinds of emotions, as difficult as that is to witness. But it prepares them for life.
Perhaps I have ventured into rough territory by commenting, but Cassandra, I agree with you and am so pleased with your honesty.
I completely agree with you, and I also think that it’s ridiculous that kids have a giant birthday party every year, but where I live that seems to be the norm for a lot of families. Anyhow, there is a definite etiquette to (large, largely school-based) birthday party invites and, personally, I think it’s a good thing. There are hurt feelings that you want to avoid and yes, kids do know when they’ve been excluded. Anyway, here, in preschool you’re pretty much expected to invite the class or one gender of the class. Classes are not that large so typically you’re looking at about 10 girls (or boys) add family friends and others to that and you usually end up with about 20 kids. It is what it is. When they are school age you can pick and choose–kids are old enough at this point to understand that their friends are their friends and it’s not necessary to be friends with everyone, but common sense must prevail. If you are going to invite most of the girls/kids in a class, you must then take the next step and invite all. In other words, it’s not okay to exclude just one or two kids. If you’re party is large enough that you’re inviting more than half, say, then you pretty much just invite all. (Typically, again, the class stuff tends to be gender-based, so if you’re looking at ten to twelve girls in a class and you’re inviting eight of them, you really ought to include the others. If you’re only inviting four or five because those are her close friends, that’s completely fine.)
I do agree with the author for the most part, however, but I have found myself in some awkward situations and I have seen feelings get hurt. Can this just be a learning experience? Sure. Of course. But just like with your neighbors, if you’re inviting three of four households on your street, wouldn’t it be nice to extend the invitation to the other one as well? That’s just being polite.
I want to move to LA! I would love to do this! I was so looking forward to going to a different kid’s b’day party every weekend with my preschooler, thought it was the new norm, but the school year is now almost half over, and there hasn’t been one invite.
I would so love to trade places with you, can’t believe your complaining about too many friends, how lucky are you!?!?!?!
I think it’s a nice idea so the kids can get to know each other and have fun, I know my first and fourth grade teachers say to invite the whole class or all girls or all boys so no one is left out, because kids do talk about stuff and it may hurt feelings of other kids ,
I see your point but I guess everyone has an opinion,
You don’t have to o to the party,
I have to say that I find this whole birthday thing a bit perplexing too. My girl is only one and already I’ve heard from my neighbours about the problems they’ve had in Elementary school. Sounds like it gets worse, not better. When they invited only his friends to a party he found he wasn’t invited to another b-day party for the year! I don’t agree with inviting everyone but I also can understand how you don’t want to have your kid excluded from festivities. Feels like the pendulum has swung too far to one end of the spectrum here!
I have invited everyone in my kids’ class. But they only have 10 kids in their classes. For my sons party only 3 from his class showed up. I was totally fine with that. He’s got a lot of cousins and friends outside of school. I just hate it when people don’t RSVP at all.
…yeah , or not being invited cause your parents are poor immigrants…not much i could do about that, but i got the drift by 7. Then again, am now such an amazing person ;). Seriously though…don’t go. Sounds like you ornyour son won’t be missed.
The sad thing is that some of these disabilities are not ones you can see. They can be developmental disablilities that effect social behavior, such as Aspbergers and ADHD. When do these kids have a chance to learn about these social rules you are going on about? With whom are they suppossed to learn these social rule, if not with other kids? OK, you don’t have to invite them to the birthday party, but perhaps you should try to include them somehow, sometime. I think you are more pissed off about the money and the time involved in these birthday parties. Your article takes a turn to criticize other children, as do some of these responses. You should own that you don’t want to spend the money and time, and you should be more sensitive to the kids who are socially behind.
The schools in my area have the rule if you don’t invite everyone, you can’t send in invites. Guess what parents figured out? You give out the invites right after or right before school so you can invite whoever you want. I think that it’s crazy for parents to be forced to invite every single kid in thier child’s class, many classes have 20+ kids and many parents simply can’t afford it or don’t even have the space for that many kids if they decide to do the party in thier home. A way to allow every kid in your child’s class to feel included is to bring in small goody bags or cupcakes for everyone w/o having to invite them to the main party, but then again, some schools don’t even allow that. But it’s important to teach kids that not everyone is/can be invited to every party and just b/c you get an invite doesn’t mean you always have to go.
First, $30 on a kid’s birthday gift is excessive. I don’t know anyone that spends that kind of money on a school friend, just good friends. Second, just because you are invited doesn’t mean you have to attend. Third, at preschool age, unless you are just having boys or just having girls, it’s tough to leave out just a few kids from the class if you are having a big party. If you are doing a small party with just a few kids then no problem, but if you are having a big party and inviting almost everyone from the class then it isn’t very nice to leave out just a few kids. Most kids I know don’t have huge parties and invite everyone once they are school age. Some do, of course, but most don’t and you certainly don’t need to. Finally, slightly off the focus of this blog, but what is the deal with party favors? It’s my pet peeve! It’s a child’s birthday and they have a party and invite kids to come and play, or do whatever activity and eat and have cake and be entertained in some way and then the person who threw the party is supposed to give gifts to the kids that came to the party as guests? WHY? Why do party guests get gifts? I truly don’t understand it. I beyond don’t understand it, I find it annoying. Someone spends time and money to have a party and kids get to come to a party, but that isn’t enough somehow. Kids are supposed to get presents for attending a party? This practice needs to end.
For those who made comments about school forcing you to invite all the kids – it isn’t true. Schools don’t have any say in who you invite to your party. They simply want you to include everyone IF you are going to hand out invitations at school. I think that is reasonable. It’s thoughtless and rude to hand out party invitations to some kids in front of other’s that are not being included. If you don’t want to include everyone then just don’t hand out invitations at school. Send them my mail, or email, or some other way. If you are only inviting friends then you would certainly know their phone number to call for an address.
OI completely agree with Sarah. Speaking as a child who was bullied and intentionally ostracized from going to all class parties, it hurts to know you’re intentionally not wanted. To send that message to a child is horrible. Like you said, children can be mean and cruel, so isn’t it our job as parents to teach our children to be nice to and respect others despite our differences?
It sounds like this piece is really a rant about your own social needs/expenses than a simple child’s birthday party.
Wow. That was a whole lot opinions in those comments! I have 8 kids…wow! LOL!
@Liesal : Do you think that if those kids who bullied you were forced to invite you to their party they would have been any nicer to you? They would have been even meaner to you because they would have been mad that they were forced to invite you. I was bullied too for a while. I was threatened almost daily. The bullied kid’s parents can’t make a bully be nice. Also, I don’t think that not inviting everyone to your party makes you a bully. I’m not sure how my post about inviting whoever you want to a party turned into a discussion about bullying, but whatever.
I never had an ‘invite the whole class’ birthday party when I was younger. My family moved away from my extended family when I was 2 so I no longer had cousin only parties. Until the age of 8 my guests were my siblings, the kids from next door and a small group of friends who I was friends with at school. We couldn’t fit more than that in our house and we couldn’t afford to hire a hall for disco party and I was perfectly happy having just my closest friends there as I didn’t have to act cool! After age 8 my brothers weren’t that interested in watching The Little Mermaid for my video and popcorn birthday party so it was just me and my best girlfriends. My son’s 3 and this year was the first time we invited friends from nursery as well as his cousins and sister (only the ones who are a similar sort of age – the 16 year olds really aren’t interested in a toddler’s party games!) and his 3 mates who we have play dates with (i.e. I’m friends with their mums!). I asked his nursery who he plays with the most – lo and behold the names were the same 3 he talked about after nursery. He’s been at his new nursery since October and no parties so far but I really don’t mind. I wasn’t a loser in school but I’m glad I could treat my parties as special occasions to share with my best friends (most of whom still are my best friends) so I’d like my son to have a similar experience – you can be well liked by all but it’s important to know the difference between real, close friends and the wider group. You’re right too – when they’re young enough to still have you accompany them to parties it can be a real chore to have to go to a party where you don’t know the parents. A bit weird. It also reminded me of the Sixth Sense – he’d have been better off not going to that party where he got shut in that cupboard!
I so agree about inviting everyone. Not only it it expensive, but it takes the personalization out of the party. Isn’t a birthday party supposed to be about the birthday kid, not all the other kids. I know of schools that actually require you to invite the entire class.
I think we should just do what works for our family. We only had family parties for our daughter until she started kindergarten. Then we moved across country and knew no one. We invited the whole class. 18 kids at a park with sprinklers cake and ice cream. Met some great parents and really helped us fit in the community. Daughter now in 4th grade , Moved again. We try to cap it at 10 girls and no parents. My daughter finds there are more than girls she wants to invite and that put us over the 10. So we send out all the invites and I pray for some of the families to be busy.. My daughter doesn’t get invited to all of the other girls parties and We’ve taught her that that’s okay. Love the blog!!!
The truth is that our generation is raising a bunch of ninnies. A rule at youngsters sporting events like baby soccer or kiddy volleyball is that everybody is a winner. That’s not true. Some kids rock and score goals like a pro. Others prefer to chase butterflies and flinch when the ball comes near. There is a winner and a loser. The sooner kids learn that, the better. Trying to boost kids self esteem by cushioning them from reality is just setting them up to be a really sad teenager that doesn’t get a part in the play, even though they think they absolutely deserve one because they don’t know any better. Not every kid needs to be invited. Some kids are mean. Some kids have bad habits you don’t want your kid to catch on to. I was certainly never invited to many birthday parties in elementary school, and I turned out fine. I’m not lacking friends. Chill, folks.
[...] You Say It’s Your Class’ Birthday [...]
So totally agree with your blog, Cassandra. My mom threw a surprise birthday party for me when I was in this horribly little catholic grade school where I was forced to walk the cracks in the playground with Amy Dunbar because I was such an outcast. That party was miserable. And when I went to the other girls parties, they were also miserable. Boo, hiss to spending free time with people who suck.
Then RSVP “No”. No reason to get all pissy and judge them. I invite the whole class of my kids to their parties, because I like kids and I like my kids to have a lot of friends. I even host playdates where I invite the entire class to our house just to play. I have invited two whole classes since my twins are in separate classes this year.
If someone does not want to come, then don’t. I only get about 6 kids that show up out of 20 each time. It works out. We also invite every kid we know and are close to like my friend’s kids. I have a great time hanging out with my friends and letting our kids play.
You don’t have to invite everyone but don’t hand out invites at school if you do that. Mail them so the other kids don’t feel excluded. I mean your analogy about the one kid that gets left out is stupid. I have a special needs son that is a little odd due to his delays. He doesn’t talk as much as the other kids and he has weird quirks like shaking his hands when he gets excited. So should he be excluded? Maybe being excluded will make him talk more and stop shaking his hands? Get real. Not a very good lesson to teach your kids to exclude others for being different.