My Son Wears Makeup
I need a new colorist
My two-year-old son loves three things: cars, trucks and makeup. Every time Laszlo sees my wife on front of her bathroom mirror he yells “Makeup! Makeup! Makeup! Makeup! Makeup! Makeup!” and demands her lipstick or mascara. Then Laszlo smears it all over his face, laughing wildly. It’s like watching German theater.
I pretend it’s fun and silly: Face painting! Drawing on your body! A design even Mike Tyson wouldn’t trade for!
But inside, I’m not digging it.
And not just because he looks creepy as hell. Don’t picture a disturbing boy pageant contestant. Picture a schizophrenic homeless woman. Of all the things Laszlo sucks at, he might suck worst at putting makeup on. And this is a guy who cannot put on his own shoes.
No, I’m put off because makeup is for girls. Which makes me an idiot.
I know putting makeup on your face when you’re two won’t turn you gay. And I know wanting to put on makeup, or his mom’s high heeled shoes, is no indication of sexuality. Or an indication of which parent he loves more. Though I am a little hurt that he never tries to walk in my Sambas.
And this is the part where I say I don’t care if he is gay. I mean, I care, just like I care about everything about him. And if I had my choice, I’d pick heterosexuality for him – not just because I think it’s a lot of fun, but also because it seems easier. But it’s not a huge deal to me. I’d pick gay for him before I picked goth. I’d take gay way before state school.
Besides, I don’t think he’s gay. Even when he’s whored up like a Cher impersonator trying to use up all the rouge before the other Cher impersonators get to the dressing room. He’s too into trucks, hitting things with sticks, not washing his dirty face, taking his toys apart, and vaginas. Seriously, he won’t stop talking about how girls have vaginas. The kid talks about vaginas more than Eve Ensler at a Georgia O’Keeffe show.
Besides, I have only the weakest allegiance to masculinity. As a kid I collected glass animals, had a sticker book, listened only to show tunes, had mostly female friends, and enjoyed making stained glass ornaments. A little mascara would have butched me up. It would still butch me up.
But there’s something programmed deep in me that doesn’t like it when someone – even if he’s an adorable two-year-old – breaks the conventions of our tribe. I don’t think I’m jealous of his ability to travel between masculinity and femininity. I just feel like he’s turning his back on his people. Though honestly, when he smears the lipstick over his cheeks, I’d much rather see his back.
This is my own problem. So I’ll keep my immature reactions to myself. When Laszlo puts on makeup, I’m going to laugh with him. It is, after all pretty silly to put paint on your face. We’re lucky to be in our tribe.
This is a similar reaction I get from my husband when our son wants to paint his nails like his little sister does or put make up on his eyes because it’s cool, or wear my high heels because it makes him taller.
At the same time, I remind him he has no problem with our daughter playing soccer or baseball, or playing with trucks and the tool bench.
Read more about my family at:
http://practicingparenting.blogspot.com/
My 2 year old son is the same way. He just wants to do what mama is doing. Toby knows that it’s a morning ritual and he wants to be part of it. I will draw lil mustaches and put concealer on him. It’s just silliness.
I really enjoyed this piece, and was refreshed at your honesty about the makeup and how it makes you feel. Most of us try so hard to always be so “politically correct” even about our children that we wouldn’t necessarily admit to having weird feelings about behaviors that are stereo-typically set for the opposite gender. I appreciate your candor.
Sounds like a reasonable (normal, even) response. Why can’t you have your own feelings about it! I’m glad your not stopping him or making him feel bad and you’re even joining in on the laughs abou it!! My husband reacts the exact same – and because I can listen and understand where he’s coming from, he can laugh and be there for our son when he does try on my blush. If I could only convince him to let me paint his nails. Both of them still refuse. :)
Aside from ‘The kid talks about vaginas more than Eve Ensler at a Georgia O’Keeffe show’ being the most hysterically cultured sentence I’ve ever had the pleasure of reading, I wanted to suggest crayola washable markers. Yes, letting your kid draw all over himself (and you!) may not be socially embraced, and he may even become a tattoo artist one day (gasp!) but our daughter thinks it’s the best thing ever. it makes for great photos and actually great familytime. We all laugh and she feels fun and free and artistic.
Юлия, видимо, не успевает ответить Если вопрос еще актуален:Moskovassa on paljon mjilone4e4reje4. Miten se heilte4 onnistuu? Miksi munistakaan ei voi tulla mjilone4e4ri? Jos minulla olisi paljon rahaa, ostaisin Suomesta rannalla olevan talon (tai ostaisin Suomesta talon, joka on/sijaitsee je4rven rannalla) , katselisin je4rven aaltoja (tai katselisin je4rvee4 ) ja nauttisin hiljaisuudesta ja rauhasta.