My Son Sucks at Sports and I’m Trying to Care
Does wrestling with his dad count as improving his "gross motor skills?"
I fear that I won’t relate to my son. Like, what will I do if he gets brainwashed by Scientologists? What if he registers as a Republican? Or, God forbid, he’s a jock?
Luckily, I just found out that last one is not going to happen.
Laszlo just finished his first month at his new preschool. One of his teachers told me she wanted to talk to me about something. I was hoping that she was going to tell me that she noticed that Laszlo has an amazing artistic talent or that he’s the sweetest kid she’s ever met. I should have learned by now that it’s never good when someone says they want to talk.
She told me that Laszlo’s “gross motor skills” need developing. She suggested that we practice “Simon Says,” “patty cakes,” walking on low balance beams or on a straight line, try swimming, catching a ball, and skipping. I had no idea that kids were supposed to skip by age 3 these days.
While I’m so grateful that the school noticed he needs help, I’m having trouble forcing myself to be concerned. I suspect that, like his parents, Laszlo just isn’t very athletic. He has the genes of two parents who never could accomplish anything with any physical skills. It’s amazing that Joel and I even managed to get penis into vagina to create another human being.When Joel and I were kids, we were both totally uninterested in playing sports. Or moving our bodies, ever. We were “sit on the couch and read a book” kind of kids. Neither Joel nor I could skip in kindergarten. Even at age 5, there was a part of me that felt like knowing how to skip was pretty stupid. Being sporty was not in my genes, and I was okay with that. I was an ambitious kid who believed in getting excellent grades. Since then, I’ve learned how to skip. And I’ve lost my drive to succeed. I absolutely blame my increased physical abilities for my decreased intellectual abilities.
Laszlo doesn’t have much of an interest in “gross motor skills” activities either. But I value his teacher’s input because I’m completely in awe of this preschool and its teachers. I respect what they have to say and am grateful that they noticed this. So, I will try a few things with Laszlo and hopefully find some activity that he likes to do. But if he doesn’t want to do them, so be it. I don’t see the point in pushing sports — or patty cakes — on my kid. We’ve tried throwing a ball with him, riding a scooter, riding a balance bike, and many other things. He’s just not that interested.
I’m also not that into pushing it because I suspect that part of the “gross motor skills” issue is just psychological. Laszlo is not a confident kid. He does okay around small groups and people that he knows, but he gets insecure in big groups or around people he doesn’t know. He likes to suss things out for a long time before he delves in. Last year, the teachers at his old preschool told me that at the beginning of the year, he didn’t really climb on the play structure much. Instead, he would stand off to the side and intently watch the other kids doing it. I think he felt like he needed to watch how the other kids physically accomplished things before doing them himself. And that he needed to figure out which kids would be safe to climb around and which kids might push him out of the way or cause him to fall. He’s a cautious kid who’s afraid of getting hurt.
But within a few months, he had sussed it all out and was climbing around like crazy. By the time he finished preschool last year, he got a check mark next to the box “mastered” on his Progress Report under “gross motor skills.” Either last year’s school made a grave mistake, or it’s just going to take a little while for him to warm up to his surroundings.
Last week, in an effort to inspire Laszlo’s desire to improve his gross motor skills, Joel let Laszlo stay up late for the opening ceremony of the Olympics. I heard them talking about sports and Laszlo seemed actually interested. The next day, Joel tried some more Wiffle T-ball with him. And Laszlo was actually kind of into it. Within a few tries, he was actually pretty good at hitting the ball. By the time preschool starts up again in September, Laszlo’s going to totally impress his teachers with his gross motor skills. Or at least, he will stop causing concern, I hope. Maybe the Olympics will somehow inspire Laszlo to improve his gross motor skills. I had no interest when I was a kid. Athletes like Mary Lou Retton scared me (That psychopathic grin! Those enormous thighs! That ridiculous height of 4-feet short! That ridiculous bowl haircut!)
While I’m sure it would be good for Laszlo to improve his gross motor skills, I don’t want his preschool to focus on that at the expense of any development of his talents and his … you know, brain stuff. (Skipping has also hurt my vocabulary.) I mostly just want Laszlo to improve his gross motor skills so that the teachers can move past this soon and we can all focus on what really matters: getting him into Stanford.
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oh, man, that’s totally. i mean, i know they’re looking out for laz’ best interest, but it’s so tiresome. kids all develop in their own time. a friend’s kid was in an accident and needed physical therapy, and the mom was therefore privy to the class’ master schedule, which showed all the kids who had occupational/physical therapy, and she said more than half the class was in therapy of some kind. is that nutz or what?
love this article! my boy is really tall and has never really seemed to have the muscle mass to match his body weight … not yet anyway … he’s uncoordinated and lacks all kinds of physical confidence. in preschool i would notice the little guys running circles around him, literally. now he’s 8 years old and we are getting “notes” from his PE teacher … “he forgets to set up for the volleyball when it’s served over the net” which i interpret as “he doesn’t care about the ball” …
or “it’s ok to be more selfish and try to get the puck in the net” which i interpret “he wants the other kids to have it because they really want it and he doesn’t”. and i try to care but it’s hard!
his home room teacher has no complaints about his development … if he couldn’t add numbers, i would be concerned … but really? he’s too shy to take the ball away from a kid … a kid who REALLY wants it? we used to try to play catch with him and we even signed him up for soccer last year … but soon the ball becomes a planet that is orbiting around a tree which has invisible little creatures on it that are riding a space roller coaster … you get the point. he wants to play with his imagination and not a ball and we can’t change that. and i don’t know that i want to change that! it’s frustrating when the schools can’t allow for individual differences. Thank you for writing this. i know our boys are going to be fine.
My daughter is super athletic at 2 years 8 months (probably because she wants to be Mary Lou Retton). However, she still can’t skip, hop on one foot, etc. She tries and it’s super cute to see, but this stuff just takes time. I will say her gymnastics class has probably helped her in balancing and jumping, but she was a slow jumper too and still can’t jump that high. She is also pretty fearless and social, but–like your son, likes to observe first. There is nothing wrong with this. I think the teachers are perhaps being overly cautious about Laz being overly cautious. And I’m sure he’ll catch up or catch on or whatever. And if he takes his time in order to feel safe, then good for him. He won’t take off stealing a car at 14. He’ll wait until he’s 18 and knows exactly how to steal and drive the car. BTW–your writing is hilarious while making great points. Tell your famous husband I think you are funnier than he is! So there.
Cassandrea, I’ve written several times to Joel when I’m ecstatic about his column, but don’t want to bother him EVERY week. I was so happy to find your Blog today for the first time. I feel as if I know all three of you and you’re my friends. Few of my friends make me laugh as much as Joel.
When my 53 year old son was 3 in nursery school and tore all the petals from some exotic plant, the young teacher called in the psychologist saying he was a destructive child. NOT. Dr. said, “He’s just intellectually curious.” I was called to school for that conference. Good luck and L’Chayim. Gloria, Fort Myers, FL.
I have a 13yo, and 11yo, and a 6yo. All of them are involved in sports or dance or martial arts to some extent. None of them were “athletic” at three years old (well…maybe the 6yo), and anyone who is pushing you to make some sort of self-fulfilling prophecy or place a label which could affect lifelong identity regarding physical activity is just so, so wrong. So wrong.
There are a million ways to be physically active in sports. My eldest tried a bunch of things – soccer, baseball, softball, swimming – and hated them all. She doesn’t like groups sports. She doesn’t like direct competition. We tried some rec league and dance, and that went well. Finally, she hit upon skating – a solo endeavor that allows kids to develop at their own pace. Bingo!
It would be okay with me if she had never become part of a competitive sport, but honestly, my kids need to learn to do something active with their bodies in a way that develops kinesthetic skills. It gives them confidence to be able to control their bodies and to develop a body image based upon something other than “How do I look?” Sports, as with all subjects of learning, involve skills that need to be practiced – a coach or instructor should not expect a kid to enter an activity knowing how to do it; they should be able to teach it in a fun way that challenges a kid at their own level – as with reading, math, science, and learning how to get along with others.
Don’t give up and don’t decide right now. Stay away from coaches and activities that stress competition over fun. Do sports that are more individual if need be. There is so much good in sports or dance or martial arts. Keep trying, without pushing.
The choice in this article is really about the parents wanting affirmation by creating another nerdy, unphysical person, instead of helping a boy learn how to enjoy his body and accomplish things with it. It’s not the best thing for the kid. Kids need to be taught, and hopefully shown, that being active is part of a healthy life.
This isn’t to say that every sport is for every kid (or adult). It’s not. Maybe an introverted kid will gravitate away from team sports, and like rock climbing, running, canoeing, hiking, or other things that don’t involve passing a ball around. Or maybe if he spends 30 minutes with a soccer ball several days a week, he’ll have the confidence to get in a pickup game with friends when he’s older. Like JosettePlank.com said, keep experimenting.
last year my 3 yr. old son (he was 2 at the time) squished a lady bug at school. his teacher freaked. while, yes, i don’t condone squishing lady bugs, i had never really told him not to, and we hadn’t had the “life and death” talk or anything…but seriously, from then to the end of the year I felt his teacher was constantly picking on him for one thing or another and it all started from the ladybug! Anyway, I think some teachers take certain actions more seriously than others…
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[...] My Son Sucks at Sports and I’m Trying to Care [...]
Always good to have some kindred spirits check in! I’m about to unsubscribe from what people seem to think should be a mandatory feed from Godin’s blog. It’s bad enough that sites like Pinterest are getting crushed under the weight of cliched quotes dressed up as visual wisdom… do we really need once-credible industry types pandering to our incessant need to Tweet, share and like with superficial drivel? I think not. I’m headed over to check out your post…