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John Cave Osborne is a writer whose work has appeared on such sites as Babble, TLC, YahooShine, and the Huffington Post. He was also referenced by Jezebel one time, but he’s pretty sure they were making fun of him. While he’s name dropping, it’s only fair to point out that Ashton Kutcher tweeted one of John’s YouTube videos, but it may have only been because Ashton felt sorry for him. After all, John went from carefree bachelor to father of four in just 13 months thanks to marrying a single mom, then quickly conceived triplets. Since then, he and his wife have added one more to the mix, a little boy they named Grand Finale. They all live chaotically in Knoxville, TN with Briggs the dog.

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10 Reasons Why I’d Never Want To Be A Toddler Again

By John Cave Osborne |

Love being his dad, but wouldn't wanna be him.

Last week, Babble Deputy Editor Mira Jacobs wrote a post called 12 Reasons Why I Want to be a Toddler Again. Hysterical. Plus, she got me thinking that it really would be great to be a toddler again.

But upon further review, I’ve had a change of heart.

I mean, maybe it’s because I’ve lived with four toddlers already (won’t be long till Grand Finale makes five). And maybe I’m too familiar with this pesky developmental phase, thus immune to its many undeniable charms, but there’s no way in Hell I’d ever want to be a toddler again. And here are 10 reasons why.

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10 Reasons Why I'd Never Want To Be A Toddler Again

Lies, Lies and More Lies

When parents do it, it's called Christmas (I'm looking at you, Santa), but when toddlers do it, it's called Timeout. Not cool. Photo Credit

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About John Cave Osborne

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John Cave Osborne

John Cave Osborne is a writer whose work has appeared on such sites as Babble, TLC, YahooShine, and the Huffington Post. John went from carefree bachelor to father of four in just 13 months after marrying a single mom, then quickly conceived triplets. Since then, they have added one more to the mix, a little boy they named Grand Finale. Read bio and latest posts → Read John's latest posts →

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11 thoughts on “10 Reasons Why I’d Never Want To Be A Toddler Again

  1. [...] [read more at BabbleVoices] (function() {var s = document.createElement('SCRIPT'), s1 = document.getElementsByTagName('SCRIPT')[0];s.type = 'text/javascript';s.async = true;s.src = 'http://widgets.digg.com/buttons.js';s1.parentNode.insertBefore(s, s1);})(); Filed Under: Babbling Tagged With: kids, toddler, toddler behavior management, toddler development About john cave osborneJohn Cave Osborne is a freelance writer whose work has appeared on such sites as Babble, YahooShine and the Huffington Post. He was also referenced by Jezebel one time, but he’s pretty sure they were making fun of him. He and his wife, Caroline, live with their four children in Knoxville, TN and are expecting their fifth child, Grande Finale Osborne, in July. /* // Powered by Postrank archives Select Month January 2012 December 2011 November 2011 October 2011 September 2011 August 2011 July 2011 June 2011 May 2011 April 2011 March 2011 February 2011 January 2011 December 2010 November 2010 October 2010 September 2010 August 2010 July 2010 June 2010 May 2010 April 2010 March 2010 February 2010 January 2010 December 2009 November 2009 October 2009 Other sites I write for Visit my book’s site Buy direct and I’ll sign it JCO on networked blogs Follow this blog Return to top of pageCopyright © 2012 · Prose Theme on Genesis Framework · WordPress · Log in [...]

  2. Loukia says:

    Ha… these are awesome. ;)
    I don’t know, though… it does rock to be a toddler… sleep whenever you want… no bills to pay… no dieting to worry about…
    I’m just looking forward to Mom 2.0 – so I can catch up on sleep! ;)

  3. Jennifer says:

    I totally agree with the last one. I hate that whiny brat, too. So much so that I won’t even let my kids watch it because they mimic him.

  4. Suggar says:

    Wow, I can’t believe how negative this is! Yes, i agree with most points, but it could have been written in a more tasteful fashion. And the language, really?! Was that necessary to have vulgar language in a child’s point of view?

  5. ashley says:

    I can’t stand Caillou. If I get my way, my child will never be watching it, lol.

  6. MARTHA says:

    Wow! I thought this was funny untill the last two points. I feel sorry for this guys 5 kids if thats truely his outlook. Yeah he said he has 5 and he cant wait for them to fall asleep so he can celebrate that there not around any more to bother him. Maybe after the first kid he should have said to himself that was enough.

  7. Julia Roberts says:

    All true.

    Yeah, I want them to go to bed too.

    Chill, people, chill!

  8. Cathy says:

    made me feel guilty about bedtime. I work and raise my kids and really do need my rest to recover from a well spent day. Parent guilt abounds. Cute article though

    1. @cathy — thanks for the comment! the whole thing was meant to be tongue-in-cheek, though, given that we have 4 kids under the age of four i won’t deny this: we are psyched once we get them down for the night. because that means my wife and i can spend time alone together. and i would hope every husband / wife longs for such time. thanks for reading!

  9. Wendy says:

    Amen!! Can’t stand that winey poorly named creature!! Whine again!! And really, seriously, do either of his parents have a job?

  10. A Mom says:

    ” Being the subject of a poorly written blog post each and every time your helicopter parent mistakenly thinks you’ve done something developmentally miraculous.”… Kettle…meet pot. Can we say…PROOF READ?

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