Just a Little Off the Top, Please.


In my book, Because I Said So, I wrote a section on haircuts (or more specifically, the haircuts kids give themselves and their siblings). I think every one of my kids has had at least one self-inflicted haircut over the years. I’ve given up all efforts to stop it from happening. There is no stopping it. It WILL happen. Once you resign yourself to this fact, you can breathe a little more easily. When it does eventually come to pass, you’ll need to remind yourself that hair grows. Practice now. Repeat after me – Hair grows, hair grows, hair grows. It’s no big deal; it’s hair. Hair grows back. So she’ll look like a freak for a while. It’s okay. All kids do this. Buy a copy of my book for reference and bookmark this page because I guarantee when you first see those strands of hair on the ground indicating that your little one has found the scissors, you’ll forget that it’s just hair and you’ll freak out. At least for a minute or two.

Here’s a step-by-step guide on how to deal with the situation when your young child takes it upon herself to cut her hair.

  • Where did this hair come from? 1 of 8
    Where did this hair come from?
    It starts when you discover a chunk of hair. Then you try to ascertain whether it came from a doll or your child. (I totally thought this was Barbie hair. I was wrong.)
  • What an, um, interesting hairdo. 2 of 8
    What an, um, interesting hairdo.
    Once you realize it's human hair, you try to assess the damage. Well, that's a unique look, Brooklyn. Were you going for a mullet there?
  • I just wanted to trim my bangs, Mama. 3 of 8
    I just wanted to trim my bangs, Mama.
    You ask, "Did you go to beauty school? No? Then you shouldn't be cutting hair!" Of course, that doesn't stop you from cutting her hair immediately after that little speech. What? You're only trying to fix it. It doesn't count.
  • Now what? 4 of 8
    Now what?
    She has bangs now and seems pretty happy. But you can't stop looking at the chop job she did on her sides. It's just so uneven . . .
  • Well, it can’t get much worse! 5 of 8
    Well, it can't get much worse!
    Despite the fact that two people without a cosmetology license have already cut her hair, you let a third have a go at it because, let's face it, it can't get much worse.
  • Its almost done (aka — stop now before shes bald!) 6 of 8
    Its almost done (aka — stop now before shes bald!)
    Savannah cut several inches off the back so it wouldn't be so obviously short on the sides. (Savannah's planning on attending beauty school in a couple years, does that count?)
  • Take bets on how long until the next haircut. 7 of 8
    Take bets on how long until the next haircut.
    We made sure that Lexi, who already thinks Brooklyn is her life-sized doll, witnessed the whole event. How long until Lexi decides to give Brooklyn another trim?
  • Relax! 8 of 8
    Short of gluing a helmet to your child's head, there's not much you can do to prevent the do-it-yourself haircut. Just think of it as a right of passage. And count yourself lucky if it doesn't happen the night before picture day.

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