I was all over Facebook this morning complaining about how it’s either horse dancing without the horses, or Knicks City Dancers without the basketball game. So then someone over at Buzzfeed decided to “prove” why it’s actually awesome by showing us a bunch of photos of the rhythmic gymnasts doing things with hoops.
But here’s the thing: My burlesque teacher (performance artist Howling Vic) was doing an act five years ago in which she did craaaazy things with a hula hoop to Nina Simone WHILE ALSO TAKING HER CLOTHES OFF. OVER HER HEAD.
So why is burlesque not an Olympic event if rhythmic gymnastics is?
I get that my own burlesque act (which was mostly my taking my clothes off while eating a bag of Cheetos, although there was more to it conceptually than just that, of course) is not Olympic-calibur (although Vic did invite me back to her farewell “all-stars” performance <blows on nails, buffs on shirt>).
But Vic should be in the Olympics, and should have the highest possible score for difficulty because of a) Nina Simone, b) taking a slip off over her head (no buttons or zipper to make things easy), and c) the hula hoop.
My point is this: There are women toiling away in obscurity doing amazing things with hula hoops all across this great country of ours who will never make it to the Olympics. Doesn’t anyone feel for them? How can we celebrate rhythmic gymnastics when there are so many more excessive things that we could be doing with hula hoops? If we’re really celebrating the human spirit, then we need to go higher, faster, stronger with hula hoops. It’s our destiny.
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