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Megan Jordan parents and writes by the same theory: the beauty is in the threadbare. "Relish the Velveteen. Revel in the Threadbare." underscores her personal blog, Velveteen Mind. Mother to three in Gulfport, Mississippi, Megan infuses her writing with depth as rich as bayou mud and humor bold as blackened shrimp.

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I Am Over It

By Megan Jordan |

Finite space. You would think the Internet has finite space, the way we all clamor to be recognized, included, seen.

For years, my friend, Alli Worthington, has been standing before crowds of women and assuring them that blogging, social media, is not a zero-sum game. After hearing her say it for years and understanding the spirit if not the letter, I finally looked up the actual origin of the phrase.

Five gamer and economic sites later, I am clear that a zero-sum game is where the gain of one player is offset by the loss of another player, equaling the sum of zero. The net change in total wealth among participants is zero; the wealth is just shifted from one to another. In other words, the gains available are finite. One has to lose for another to win.

In social media terms, what Alli was saying is that attention and opportunity is not finite. The success of others is not dependent on your own failure. There is room for everyone. Let’s try to be supportive during the long climb.

But we have a tendency to forget that.

After Bad Mothers. They’re Everywhere., I said I was going to write about the Good Father movement. No sooner had I hit publish than I began to receive emails from dad bloggers requesting that I let them know when the new piece published because they had a response.

A response to what, man? I haven’t even written it, yet.

Then Babble published their Top 50 Twitter Moms and some dads freaked out that they weren’t included. Then Babble published their Top 50 Dad Bloggers and some dads freaked out that they didn’t get it right.

Sigh. And I haven’t forgotten that often the women are worse.

I am over it.

Alli started the “I Am Project,” inviting us to finish that statement with a photo. Scribble “I Am…” on a piece of paper, finish the thought, take a photo with it next to your lovely face, and share.

All I could think was, “I am over it.”

I couldn’t even finish a thought before people were scrambling for position. Going on the defense, or maybe even offense, before they knew to what they were responding. Worse? I wasn’t even surprised.

I am asking one thing of you: Stand down. We are in this together. We don’t have to hug, for crying out loud, but stop with the jostling for position. All of us. Stand down.

You are hearing things that aren’t even being said. People are hearing things that you aren’t even saying. We are all poised to pounce all. the. freaking. time.

Two quotes are on my phone’s to-do list right now. I don’t know how to use my phone properly so everything I think of goes in there. I didn’t know what I was going to do with them, but now it’s obvious. I am sharing them with you. Their power will multiply once I share them, not disappear from my hands.

Interpret them as you will. And do join in.

The point isn’t to win, it’s to join in.
Miss Spider

The circus arrives without warning.
The Night Circus, Erin Morgenstern

*photo is me with a photo of my daughter plastered on my forehead, altered quote from I Am the Walrus.
Goo goo ga joob.

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About Megan Jordan

meganjordan

Megan Jordan

Megan Jordan parents and writes by the same theory: the beauty is in the threadbare. "Relish the Velveteen. Revel in the Threadbare." underscores her personal blog, Velveteen Mind. Mother to three in Gulfport, Mississippi, Megan infuses her writing with depth as rich as bayou mud and humor bold as blackened shrimp. Read bio and latest posts → Read Megan's latest posts →

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16 thoughts on “I Am Over It

  1. Melissa Jackson says:

    Wow. Okay. This is exactly what I needed to read. I’m having this same problem with our PTA, which I know isn’t blogging but I think your point is the same. We can’t collaborate anymore without “jostling for position” for next year. If it wouldn’t look passive aggresive I would put this on our PTA’s FaceBook page!

  2. Talitha K. says:

    Now we’re getting somewhere.

  3. Suebob says:

    As one of the top non-mom bloggers on the internet, I have to agree with you (snort).

  4. Tanis Miller says:

    Well said. As always.

  5. Holly Says says:

    Classic haves versus have nots. As a non-mom, too, you are all a bunch of haves.

  6. Michelle says:

    Gotta say, I’m surprised that you’re just NOW over it. LOL You’ve got a long fuse.

  7. That Dad says:

    You’re still writing Good Fathers, though right?

    You could have at least linked to us, Megan. But we’ll keep asking.

  8. nic says:

    THANK YOU.

  9. Danielle Smith says:

    Perfection. As always.

  10. Love.

    Also loved that you had to look up the exact meaning of zero sum game.

    We are even, I had to look up Absinthe.

    xoxo

  11. ann says:

    Fantastic. I just love this. Everyone stop worrying about what everyone else is doing and focus on what YOU want to do and how to do it BETTER.

    Or, conversely, step outside of yourself and practice gratitude or compassion toward the bazillions of our fellow bloggers out there today going through something so hard they couldn’t for a moment conceive to care about “position.”

    xoxo

  12. Jess says:

    Ha! I saw a dad complaining about your post on twitter. This isn’t even about the dads. Or it’s about the dads “freakout” about that post you didn’t write. It’s not about that, either. Case in point, right? Ha!!!

  13. Megan Jordan says:

    @Jess No, this post isn’t about the dads. Or the dads reacting to the lists. I mentioned the lists as an illustration of my point about how they reacted to something that happened even before that. And even that was just an example of something larger.

    But! I like that everyone thinks it’s about themselves. It’s not about moms or dads at all. The first commenter didn’t even equate it to blogging and some tweets have been equating it to book blogging.

    That? That is the point.

  14. Leighann of D-Mom Blog says:

    “You are hearing things that aren’t even being said. People are hearing things that you aren’t even saying. We are all poised to pounce all. the. freaking. time.”

    I needed to hear this for entirely different reasons today. Someone who I thought would be my biggest champion has become a critic…or maybe that’s just my interpretation.

  15. Sarah gilbert says:

    Sing it, sister. I got in trouble over a post about yogurt this week. ‘stirring the pot,’ I was. Let’s all go read some Greek epics or something and respond to THAT. :)

  16. Clark Kent's Lunchbox says:

    *drops face into hands* I’m really rather embarrassed by the whole thing. Sadly, it’s something of an indicator that some people get into blogging for less than altruistic reasons.

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