In previous lives, former Babble Deputy Editor Mira Jacob was the parenting editor at Yahoo! Shine, a writer for VH1's Pop-Up Video, the author of Kenneth Cole's Footnotes and Dan Savage's research monkey. These days, she runs Pete's Reading Series in Brooklyn, gets way too competitive in Scrabble, and likes fiction to the point where she doesn't mind being lied to, as long as it's entertaining. She lives in Brooklyn with her husband (a filmmaker), and their toddler son (a tyrant).
Looks like a baby to me!
I know, I know, it’s always the important stuff with me. But the birth of Blue Ivy combined with the outrageous amount of “theories” out there that Our Lady of the Curiously Hot Robotic Hand was not actually pregnant has induced my vomitron.
Seriously, people? After everything we know about how pregnancy plays out differently in women’s bodies, how parents act differently when confronted with birth, and how, well, rich people do things the rich people way, we’re still going to pretend that having a kid is some kind of one-belly-fits-all equalizer?
Truth: Sometimes, the most logical answer is the right one. And while it doesn’t exactly take a genius to dissect this one, I’m going to go ahead and Occam’s Razor the hell out of this for the conspiracy hounds with my Top 8 reasons It’s Freaking Obvious That Beyoncé Was Really Pregnant (using the “evidence” against her):
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She got into a car easily when she was very pregnant
They say: Limberness is not allowed! No one that pregnant can move that well! I’ve been pregnant and I couldn’t do that.
I say: You know what else Beyoncé can do that you can’t? Everything. And by that, I mean make a jillion dollars being a one-woman tour-de-force whose ass moves like nothing on this planet. She is a triple goddamn threat, people. It’s okay to be threatened. Just don’t be silly.