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In previous lives, former Babble Deputy Editor Mira Jacob was the parenting editor at Yahoo! Shine, a writer for VH1's Pop-Up Video, the author of Kenneth Cole's Footnotes and Dan Savage's research monkey. These days, she runs Pete's Reading Series in Brooklyn, gets way too competitive in Scrabble, and likes fiction to the point where she doesn't mind being lied to, as long as it's entertaining. She lives in Brooklyn with her husband (a filmmaker), and their toddler son (a tyrant).

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Top 8 Reasons It’s Freaking Obvious That Beyoncé Was Really Pregnant

By Mira Jacob |

Looks like a baby to me!

I know, I know, it’s always the important stuff with me. But the birth of Blue Ivy combined with the outrageous amount of “theories” out there that Our Lady of the Curiously Hot Robotic Hand was not actually pregnant has induced my vomitron.

Seriously, people? After everything we know about how pregnancy plays out differently in women’s bodies, how parents act differently when confronted with birth, and how, well, rich people do things the rich people way, we’re still going to pretend that having a kid is some kind of one-belly-fits-all equalizer?

Truth: Sometimes, the most logical answer is the right one. And while it doesn’t exactly take a genius to dissect this one, I’m going to go ahead and Occam’s Razor the hell out of this for the conspiracy hounds with my Top 8 reasons It’s Freaking Obvious That Beyoncé Was Really Pregnant (using the  “evidence” against her):

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Beyonce WAS Pregnant, Now Stop Being Silly

She got into a car easily when she was very pregnant

They say: Limberness is not allowed! No one that pregnant can move that well! I’ve been pregnant and I couldn’t do that.
I say: You know what else Beyoncé can do that you can’t? Everything. And by that, I mean make a jillion dollars being a one-woman tour-de-force whose ass moves like nothing on this planet. She is a triple goddamn threat, people. It’s okay to be threatened. Just don’t be silly.

 

 

 

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About Mira Jacob

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Mira Jacob

In previous lives, former Babble Deputy Editor Mira Jacob was the parenting editor at Yahoo! Shine, a writer for VH1's Pop-Up Video, the author of Kenneth Cole's Footnotes and Dan Savage's research monkey. These days, she runs Pete's Reading Series in Brooklyn, gets way too competitive in Scrabble, and likes fiction to the point where she doesn't mind being lied to, as long as it's entertaining. She lives in Brooklyn with her husband (a filmmaker), and their toddler son (a tyrant).

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48 thoughts on “Top 8 Reasons It’s Freaking Obvious That Beyoncé Was Really Pregnant

  1. Mary says:

    She has to dance in stilletos. She can get out of a car pregnant.

  2. Michelle says:

    Thanks for this article. It was funny yet so true!!

  3. NotSoFast says:

    And the NUMBER 1 REASON:

    She had a baby bump that got smaller and bigger several times. Then her big ol’ belly collaspsed, with something noticiably hanging folded from inside her dress, when she attempted to sit down for an interview.

  4. Christina says:

    Thanks for the article :-) Really great! As if no woman was able to wear heels during pregnancy. I sure did.. And it was only my own low-seat car I had problems getting out of while in was never a problem. pregnancy is so different just as you said.

    And as for number one: looking at my own pictures the belly clearly appeared to new of different shape and size depending on the clothes I wore…not to forget the change that came with time as well.

    Really can’t understand all that fuss! So again: goods job this article! :-)

  5. dr collins says:

    Ok, obviously you are a Bey fan. I like her music but it remains obvious that she hired a surrogate. Of course her husband who touches her everyday knew she was faking it because he is aware of the surrogate, dah, he participated in the invitro process. It is J and B’ s baby she just did not carry it. First report of c section than oh no there would be a scar, lets go natural hmmmmmm. Ok you get the point. Women do wear high heels when preggers but I dont know any who would risk dancing, shaking and gyrating to the extent that she did being that far along, especially after having a miscarrige prior. It does not make any sense. You are going to be extra extra careful the next time around. Bey has struggled with her weight admittedly for years, she is prone to be heavy at times, well this is a time when we saw hardly if any weight gain. Yes she prides herself in being private about her personal life, however this baby debacle she was doing interviews left and right and now all of a sudden she wants so much privacy that they have to reserve a entire floor at the hospital. This is such a sham. She is no bigger than Angelina, Madonna, Mariah and many more, they didnt have to go through all of this with their famous babies. Bey went to the extreme because she is not the one who actually gave birth. I wint even get into all the ups and downs of the bumpy bump. Its her life and their decision to hire a surrogate and to have a baby, but dont go out of your way to deceive your fans.

  6. wyatts mom says:

    I think Beyonce really did have a baby! However, I don’t see why it would matter if she had hired a surrogate! It would still be HER and Jay-Z’s baby!

  7. Rosana says:

    Wow, I just wasted precious minutes on my life reading this crap! Ugh!

  8. Toni says:

    I completely agree, Dr. Collins. I don’t care if she hired a surrogate, which seems as if she did. But, how many celebrities, who have more star power than her or just about the same, went through all that Beyonce and Jay-Z just to have their child? That’s ridiculous. I can understand the author not believing the hoopla about the surrogacy, but it’s clear she is a Bey fan. The only reason I believe Beyonce hired a surrogate is because of the hospital fiasco. She hired her own security, confiscated phones, covered security cameras, etc–is that a normal quirk for first time rich parents?

  9. Allison Zapata says:

    The people who think she faked it are the same ppl who think Elvis is still alive, believe the 9/11 inside conspiracy, and don’t think Obama is a u.s. citizen. Sigh. So many conspiracy theories. So many crazies.

  10. Peggy says:

    LoL! How much did Beyonce pay you to post this?! LMAO!

  11. Helen says:

    I’m overweight and had sciatica at the end of being pregnant and still managed to get into and our of a normal car without difficulty, this is a nonsense argument!

  12. tori says:

    well if i can do splits, dance, work, carry cases of water, clean, cook, take care of my family, run, wear heels, look bigger and smaller depending on what i wear & how i stand or sit, then i am pretty sure beyonce didnt fake a pregnancy. o and this is coming from a woman who worked until the day before she was induced. dont’t doubt the pregnant power.

  13. Amber says:

    All you morons that are saying that she wasnt pregnant because she was in heels and “shaking and jirating”, obviously have no clue what is going on inside a pregnant womans stomach. the stomach has more padding than you would think. the baby is in a “water” sac and they arent being bumped against your ribs and spine… compare it to rocking a baby to sleep. And also.. “her belly got smaller and larger then smaller again”… really. different colors make you look thinner or more plump. I was pregnant twice and delivered two healthy baby boys and both times my belly changed size from week to week even day to day.

    oh and this dumb shit:
    “She hired her own security, confiscated phones, covered security cameras, etc–is that a normal quirk for first time rich parents?”

    they are celebrities… two of the biggest in the game now. why would you want everyone taking disgusting pictures of you while you are in that state. she hired security because she wanted to feel safe and comfortable for the birth of her child asshole!

    wow, soem people really are pretty stupid… go have a child and then you tell me if she was faking a pregnancy. its not an easy thing to do… this is why i shelter my kids from the ignorance in the world.

  14. Shannon says:

    I would never have believed she wasn’t actually pregnant, if I hadn’t SEEN THE TOTALLY FREAKY VIDEO of her sitting down on the talk show AND HER BELLY DEFLATED right in front of everyone’s eyes! It was the freakiest thing I’ve ever seen, and so unnatural and obviously fake that it was actually very disturbing. I’ve had 2 kids so it’s not as if I’m unfamiliar with the variations in pregnancies. Have you seen that video???

  15. anon says:

    I’m trying so hard not to get caught up in this but, well, that’s the 21st century for you. I didn’t even hear the theory that she was not really pregnant until today, I don’t really care for her music and don’t follow her very closely. So, I haven’t done a ton of reading on the subject. But, I find it VERY difficult to believe that a celebrity would fake a pregnancy, when women who suffer infertility and use surrogates could seriously use a positive celebrity spokesperson, and women who adopt are lauded as heros. Why would any celebrity, most of whom adore attention and the spotlight, try to keep themselves out of the spotlight like this unless she ACTUALLY WENT TO THE HOSPITAL AND GAVE BIRTH. You people are morons.

  16. jen says:

    Silliness, truly. Women can do all kinds of things when they’re pregnant! I actually did a lot of belly dancing which is done by heavily pregnant women in some areas of India – talk about jiggling around! Beyonce has all of the resources in the world – medical, security, fitness, etc. and I’m sure she made excellent use of them to ensure a healthy pregnancy and privacy for her and her family.

  17. ems says:

    Reguardless if she carried it herself who cares! I’m still irrate over how she showed her true colors at the hospital and for that reason alone I have no respect for either of them now. Famous or not you DON’T take up a whole wing or floor of a hospital (which is for sick or those in labor) and let them sit empty while people who truely need the medical help have to be turned away because one self absorbed b*tch who clearly does not have any respect for anyone (including all you “fans” bc if that was you needing the medical she would give a crap and make an exception for you) “doesn’t want any pictures WELL KEEP YOUR BUTT AT HOME AND HAVE A HOME DELIVERY THEN and you wouldn’t be interferring with medical care for someone who needs it! Also after hearing a parents story on how first they were kept from the nicu and then when they were able to be released they still couldn’t get to their twins and then they got stuck in the hospital and weren’t allowed to leave with their babies to take them home that is what made sick! How would all of you “bey fans” felt if your child was in the nicu and struggling to live and you couldn’t be with them all bc one bitch wanted to take over the hospital to keep pictures from being taken and let me go a step further what if your baby died while in there and were not able to be there spend time with your child in its last moments bc of this? Would all of you then be so quick to supporting her?? Please stop feeding in to this womans fame and make her come back down off her high horse! That’s is what is worng with society today no one has respect for anyone anymore ! And I sure hope the parents who had this happen to them sues them for everything they have bc NO ONE is above anyone else- her and her baby blue isn’t more imporant than anyone else their in hospital. And same on the hospital for allowing it to happen.

  18. MP says:

    I guess everybody that is so adamant about how the Carters “TOOK OVER” the hospital neglected to read the OFFICIAL statement from Lenox hospital that NO SUCH THING HAPPENED!!! Tho so-called (and Nameless) father of the twins in the NICU never complained to the hospital. Has anybody seen video footage of these outraged patients CONFIRMING that they were kept out of the hospital???? Don’t worry, I’ll wait…… Yep, I didn’t think so. It just goes to show how mean and spiteful people can be when they’re jealous and really don’t like somebody anyway, they’ll believe all of the negative no matter how absurd and ridiculous and none of the positive. SHAME ON ALL OF YOU!!! Great article BTW!

  19. Alexandria says:

    After she announced the pregnancy my husband started reading about all the conspiracy theories. I called him crazy. BUT than I saw that weird belly collapse video. Made no sense, that shit COLLAPSED. And after I forgot because I had my own life to live. Now she’s had the baby & stuff doesn’t add up. She’s mentioned being due in the Spring then February but she had the baby early January?

    I’m not sure what the deal is. The only thing that annoys me is if she did use a surrogate why hide it? It would seem to me she hid it because she didn’t want to seem less than BEYONCE because BEYONCE can do anything.

    Also the whole hospital thing pisses me off.

  20. Julien says:

    I think she has some of the most naive fans in the world. Celebrities do strange things. Because they can. Why she was ashamed to say she had a surrogate carry her baby is her business. It’s still her kid. I still have yet to hear a plausible explanation for the baby bump fiasco on the talk show. And the look on her face when it happened said it all!!!!!

  21. [...] Is Jay Z a daddy rapper?So, wow. I thought that Beyonce’s pregnancy got a lot of press, but it certainly pales in comparison to the press that the birth of Blue Carter Ivy has received. Lots to talk about, apparently. Like did Beyonce fake her pregnancy and farm out the dirty work to a surrogate? Or did Beyonce carry the child herself? [...]

  22. yvette says:

    finally an article on what I have been saying/thinking. You guys have to much time on your hands worrying about if she carried, if she didn’t, how big/small she is and what extent her privacy proves this or that.. Unless you were there or KNOW her, ALL YOU’RE DOING IS SPECULATING. And it makes you look stupid. DO you really think she’d hide adopting or having a someone carry it? I doubt that. I didn’t look pregnant til I was almost 7 months and I looked as pregnant as her. I still wore my jeans, heals and stylish clothes. I got out of chairs, cars and anything else fine.. I was actually MORE flexible then I had been in a long time because I was physically fit. And even now, I don’t look like I was ever pregnant.
    I think everyone has just been waiting to dog on them so now is the chance. She worked hard and played hard until she couldn’t anymore. I ran everyday up until almost 6 months. I worked out everyday up until I was ready to birth. LET someone try and tell me I didn’t push my child out. If I was famous, I’d buy the whole dam floor too! I wouldn’t want someone making millions off of my child’s picture. People are ALL ABOUT MONEY and you all sound ignorant. Get a life and get over it..

  23. MM says:

    I think the people who think she faked it are the same people who think that Sarah Palin faked her pregnancy too, and that her youngest is actually her grandbaby. OH, and Obama doesn’t have a birth certificate either.

  24. Sanriobaby =^.^= says:

    You forgot the biggest conspiracy theory on why she wasn’t pregnant to begin with- the ILLUMINATI FACTOR, LOL! I can’t see how you made this list w/o even touching on this very popular, if super crazy rumor. I’m not gonna even begin to start listing the craziness that surronds this particular theory, but anyone who’s interested is free to look it up. I’m gonna believe that she had her baby, and it shouldn’t matter how her child got here.

    I think the main reason why so many people have questioned this pregnancy is b/c Beyonce didn’t do what a lot of famous women do when they are pregnant. She didn’t do the “typical belly cover” magazine shoot or sit down interview, and although one can agrue that she’s private, she also made her pregnancy announcement in the most public forum possible which goes against the idea of protecting her privacy. Besides, many famous women have delivered at hospitals do so w/o all the added drama that surrounded her delivery aka impeeding on the other patients, drs, and nurses right to walk freely throughout most of the maternity ward. Mariah Carey is known for being “real extra” with her diva demands, and no one complained when she gave birth to her twins…..

  25. Megan says:

    Interesting article, and you’re right … all of these “conspiracy theories” can be explained within a reasonable doubt. But I find it interesting that you did not address the video where her pregnant belly collapses and folds in on itself. I guess it was because you know you can’t explain that one away. I mean, I’m sorry, there is no way that a person that far along in her pregnancy, with that big a belly a) could bend over like that, that far, to sit down, or b) that that big a belly could fold over and get so flat. It goes against the laws of pregnancy, the laws of physics, and just plain old common sense! All the other stuff aside, I just do not see how she could possibly have been pregnant and have had that happen. No way possible. Not to mention, I have yet to see a picture of her really looking pregnant (besides the one on stage where she announced it and the one in the brown dress on the red carpet). Pregnant bellies get bigger – hers never did after her initial announcement, or not that I saw, anyway. I just saw a picture that was supposedly taken just a few days before she gave birth (and according to a witness who saw her out that night, she was “enormously pregnant”), and you could not see even a hint of a belly under her OPEN jacket and scarf. Yet she gave birth to what I’m assuming was a full term baby (since we haven’t heard otherwise) just days later?! It just doesn’t make sense! I know some pregnant women don’t get that big, but someone who is full term would have some kind of belly poking out between the sides of the coat! Come on! And of course, the business about first being due in spring, then in February, then giving birth in early January to (again) what I’m assuming was a full term child? There are just too many odd things going on here for me to believe that she was actually with child. Something is fishy with this whole story. You just haven’t sold me on this one.

  26. nainai says:

    this is not Jay-Z’s first child. first child, he has a son

  27. Lindsay says:

    This was hilarious! Thanks for posting it. These conspiracy theorists are nutty.

  28. [...] So, wow. I thought that Beyonce’s pregnancy got a lot of press, but it certainly pales in comparison to the press that the birth of Blue Ivy Carter has received. Lots to talk about, apparently. Like did Beyonce fake her pregnancy and farm out the dirty work to a surrogate? Or did Beyonce carry the child herself? [...]

  29. Tonya says:

    Shawn C. Carter first child is a boy by a model video chick. That now some other dude is taking care of. SAD! Take care all your kids Cradle robber “Jay Z” the dope on the rope…LMMFAO. Beyonce DID NOT GIVE BIRTH! The way she loves to be in the spot light. If she was really with child I am sure she would have showed her huge bare belly off all the time. She would have been so proud and showed if off to everyone. Why hide the truth. All things done in the dark shall come to the light believe that. Why Shawn Carter didn’t talk about it, why there are no pictures of him rubbing her belly? Her sister showed her huge belly off. Beyonce you should have told the truth from the beginning and you wouldn’t be the hated right now. Do you know how many people hate you right now? You are wrong for what you did. Beyonce you are going to have to make this up to all your fans who loved you trusted you and believing in you that now don’t. Beyonce is embarrassed of Shawn Carter she didn’t want anyone to know she was fu-king him; she didn’t want anyone to know she married him (but is that true?) so everyone should have known she was NOT going to carry his child. Beyonce thinks she so fly. Stop it Beyonce Knowles & Shawn Carter you are a human not some kind of higher power. TELL THE TRUTH YOU DID NOT CARRY A CHILD.
    I don’t even believe she miscarried. She a porn star on low with all that shaking and popping. And Shawn Carter Jay Z is a cradle robber when Beyonce was 7 he was 20 already. Damn! Get over yourselves

  30. Jo says:

    What’s done in the dark will come to light. Beyonce hogs the spot light why didn’t she hog it with showing off a bare belly? Hopefully we won’t hear anything about Beyonce & or her man toy for a couple of years. I am tired of them already.

  31. Yaha says:

    Well when you got money like they do i guess you can walk on who ever you want. You can treat poor people any kind of way. You don’t have to show repect. You don’t have to care about anybody feeling. It’s about Me Myself & I just what the song says. So why keep this going they will never change who they are. And all good things do come to an END!

  32. Jenny-Anne says:

    Does anyone remember years ago when Demi Moore went on Jay Leno while she was pregnant? The woman got up doing backflips and cartwheels around the stage.
    When I was pregnant (four times over) I could do just about everything I did not pregnant. I never got overly big, I had no trouble standing or sitting (from any position) and could pretty much do anything I did when I wasn’t pregnant.

  33. Melissa says:

    Yea for you Jenny-Anne. BUT, did your prego belly fold in half when you sat down???

  34. Luisarel michel says:

    Ok let me start by saying I’m a beyonce fan. Have been since she was singing in destinys child. I grew up listening to her, she is an amazing performer and probably an amazing person as well. Who knows, but only the people who know…her. Anyway just because she is great at what she does. Doesn’t mean she is not a human being who has selfish needs. Like the rest of us.?? With that being said I firmly believe that she hired a surrogate to carry her child. Doesn’t make blue ivy any less her daughter beyonce just did not give birth to her. Look at beyonce, not only does her voice sell but so does her body. She’s beautiful. Idc what any mother on here says, you can not “snap back” from just having a baby 100 percent. Something in your body will change. Forever!! Maybe she was scared of getting stretch marks not every women’s skin is the same. Some stretch marks don’t disappear completely, maybe she was scared of labor or a scar of a c section. Whatever her reason is or was she did not want to ruin her body, she’s 30 years old lets face it she doesn’t have THAT much time left to be stunning! She wants to savor every moment. The extremes she went to, to cover her hospital stay was beyond measures! Covering cameras is against hospital policies especially around the NICU area where so many sick babies are!! Stop it people she clearly didn’t have the baby. And come one! Yes I understand your stomach looks different depending on what you wearing I’m speaking as a mom of three n expecting one. But she went from like 3 months to like 8 months in a week!! No way a stomach changes that drastically in size. And her having had a misscarriage before I would have thought she would have been more careful this time around. Once you reach your 30′s your body is not strong enought like when u were in ur early 20′s to carry a child that a medical proven fact! The way she was moving seemed selfish to me not caring whether u pregnant was “safe” enough for a misscarriage not to reoccur ppl think of her as a human being not as the performer!!

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