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Mom Conversations That Make Me Want To Poke My Eyes Out

There are certain mom conversations that come up time and time again that make me want to poke my eyes out with a sharp stick. Here’s the thing: when it comes to my friends, most topics are not off limits. But if  I’m just hanging out with parents I don’t know -like at a kid’s party or the preschool parking lot  I seem to get roped into the same conversations over and over. Maybe it’s just me and maybe I’m cranky but why do people love to talk about organics or the latest study they read about kids needing to learn a musical instrument by the time they’re eighteen months or the amazing 10 day trip they took with just their husband (and their nanny) to Monaco. I would much rather talk about a great novel or a movie I’ll never get to see or how your kid recently ate nothing but bagels and cream cheese everyday for two weeks. You know, real stuff. Or we can just talk about sex. Who’s with me?

  • Your kid’s "gifted" status 1 of 10
    gifted

    This is a big topic especially in Los Angeles where parenting is a competitive sport. Having a kid who is gifted may be cool, it may be challenging, it may even be new information that you are processing and really want to share about. I get that. I just don't want to hear about it. I'm still working on getting my kids out of Pull-ups at 6 years old. Hmm...maybe they are late to the overnight underwear party because they're "gifted"!

     

     

    Image: Dreamstime

  • Quinoa 2 of 10
    quinoa

    I don't want to talk about quinoa. I don't want to hear how much your kids love it. I don't want recipes. I already been informed about the health benefits. I don't need a link to your Pinterest page dedicated to all things quinoa. Maybe it's me. Maybe I'm just not ready. I only recently learned to pronounce the damn word.

     

     

     

    Image: Flickr

  • The joys of breast feeding 3 of 10
    breast

    I know, I know, breast feeding is amazing! It's so natural! It's so good for the baby! But everyone has had or is having their own journey and more likely love/hate relationship with the process. So on the off chance someone is not having the blessedly easy time you are, it's best to just share all that positivity with your online "breast feeding rocks and is the only thing I want to talk about" forum for now. And if you need to tell me how breast feeding is making the weight just fall right off, I may need to punch you.

     

     

    Image: Flickr

  • Your gluten free lifestyle 4 of 10
    bread

    Or your 18 day juice cleanse that everyone should do because you feel amazing or any other drastic dietary lifestyle changes that you feel the need to proselytize about. P.S. I'm eating an everything wheat bagel as I type this. Mmmmmm....delicious!

     

    Image: Flickr

  • All the committees you’re co-chairing 5 of 10
    committee

    To me this kind of "I'm so busy volunteering at school" and "I'm so over-extended!" always comes off as a humble brag to what an involved parent you are! And I'm sure it's true! And that's awesome! But I don't want to hear about the details. It just makes me anxious about all the cookies I'm busy not baking.

     

    Image: Flickr

  • Your kitchen renovation 6 of 10
    kitchen

    OMG SNORE! I can safely say any conversation that involves color schemes, counter top samples or cabinet pulls is one that I don't want to have. Every once in awhile when I turn on Sirius radio it lands on the Martha Stewart show and I CAN'T TURN THE STATION FAST ENOUGH.

     

    Image: Flickr

  • How Early Your Child Walked 7 of 10
    walked

    Or talked or read or crawled or knew the Spanish word for umbrella. This stuff made me incredibly anxious when I was a new mom because the constant compare and despair always had me worried my daughter was behind. She wasn't. And then when I had my twins, one of them was significantly behind for years and that's when I was officially over the developmental races. They all do what they're gonna do when they're gonna do it so bragging about how early your baby did something simply means nothing in the big scheme of things.

     

    Image: Flickr

  • Your child’s show business career 8 of 10
    actor

    This is possibly very LA or NY but I can't bear any talk about your child's new $500 head shots, the amazing feedback you got from your 4-year-old's acting coach or the commercial your son Jasper is on hot avail for. I. Just. Can't. And for those of you reading this in more normal parts of the country not believing that parents actually subject other people to these types of conversations, believe it. I've been forced to look at pictures of someone's 3 year-old son's trailer for the commercial he shot. I wanted to shoot myself; instead I just smiled and said "that's awesome! You must be so proud."

  • Your weight 9 of 10
    scale

    I struggled to lose my baby weight. It took a looooong time. I wore an "I Just Had a Baby" t-shirt for two years. But I tried really hard not to bore too many people with the details of how much weight I'd lost and how much I had to go. I kept it to my sister-in-law and the few moms I hung out with who were going through the exact same thing. Weight is just a tedious topic and also a triggering one. If you insist on having these conversations try to be cognizant that you could be making someone who is struggling with an eating disorder uncomfortable.

     

    Image: Flickr

  • Your kid’s reading level 10 of 10
    books

    This one sort of overlaps with some of the others but for some reason it sticks out in my mind. Parents love to discuss what a great reader their kid is. If I have to hear one more mom tell me their (yes gifted) son is already through the entire Harry Potter series on their own at eight I will have to force my kids to watch a lot more TV.

    Do you have any topics you hate to discuss? Please share them with me! I do love complaints!

     

     

    Image: Flickr

 

Want more from me on Babble? Try 11 Bad Reasons to Have Another Baby , Parenting Advice That Will Kill Your Self-Esteem or 10 Things You Shouldn’t Say To a Mom of One Kid

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