My Kid's Booger Problem Just Got Personal


Noah has been working lately on not eating his boogers. And by working on it, I mean that he’s working on doing it more discretely. And by more discretely, I mean he doesn’t care at all. No matter how much I beg, warn, threaten, plea, or ask, he shoves his finger up his nose whenever he feels like it and munches on whatever tasty morsel attaches to it.

This, of course, disgusts Dad who gets very sick, very easily, at the sight of other people’s boogers. And when I get another person’s booger on me … well, it’s all over. Such instances are at least semi-decadal, always freakish by nature, and when it happens, I become absolutely paralyzed. I dry-heave while trying not to ralph my lunch onto whoever or whatever happens to be in my path.

Anyway, Noah’s little habit has gotten bad lately. And so, I’ve been getting on his case every time I see him with his finger in his nose. If I have to watch one more booger go into his mouth, I may lose it. “Everybody picks their nose,” I tell him. “But you’ve gotta do it in the bathroom where nobody can see you, and you’ve gotta put it in a tissue, not in your mouth.” He always chirps back, “Okay!” so innocently. And then he usually digs immediately back in for more.

I don’t know how I’m going to break him of the habit, but I’m determined to.

In the meantime, I’ve gotta find a way to survive it.

Sunday night, we were at a big family gathering. We were standing around before dinner while my dad introduced all the visitors to us regulars. I was holding Noah, and in the middle of it all, his finger went knuckle-deep into his nose at the same time that he locked guilty eyes with me.

My lips tightened and I gave him a look that said: “Tissue. Bathroom. Now.”

While keeping his eyes glued to mine, he slowly pulled a green slimy booger out of his nose. “Noah, that’s disgusting.” I stammered as my stomach clenched-up on me. “Don’t you dare eat it. Go wipe it on something appropriate, right now.”

His eyes were still locked on mine and he cracked a tiny, mischievous grin. Then, it happened.



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