Parenting philosophies and their marketing efforts have hit, what we consider, a fever pitch in the parenting community.
Cry It Out, Ferber Method, Helicopter Pilot Parenting, Tiger Attack Parenting, Free-Range Chicken Children, Detachment Parenting, Eat Only French Baguette Parenting — they all seem to derive their authority from the idea that they are the ONE, TRUE way to parent.
Well, we think it’s time that HowToBeADad.com gets in on the action and graciously present our parenting philosophy of choice: “SCREAM IT OUT Parenting.”
Developed over two years through painstaking research, ‘Scream It Out’ (SIO) is quite simple, once you get the knack. You can follow along our powerful path to discovery with our forthcoming 548-page workbook with five practical exercises per chapter.
Being parents ourselves, we know how hard it is to keep your attention and “read things” on the internet, so we’ve included a few helpful excerpts from our tome of wisdom just for you lucky Babble Voices readers!
You need help right now, Baby Bird, so let Papa Bird deliver some delicious learning down your gullet.
5 steps to “screaming it out”
Step One: Secure unruly children with spouse, caretaker or television.
Step Two: Prepare yourself for SIO exercises by drinking licorice tea or using chloraseptic lozenges/spray.
Step Three: Secure a SIO staging area for privacy and personal safety.
Step Four: Scream until you can’t scream any more.
Step Five: Return to normal parenting with or without full use of voice.
A few notes on usage:
Step Three can be a bit tough to set up on the spot, so you may want to have a location or five in mind prior to launch. Common places for SIO exercises:
- Driving in your car by yourself — Make sure you have no destination in mind
- Underwater — Only whales and dolphins will hear you
- Space (if you’ve got the cash) — No one can hear your screams in space, sound familiar?
- Pillow — Oldest trick in the book
Step One is the hardest part. Resist all urges to sit and fume. Don’t be a martyr. Better to ignite under professional* guidance.
It’s completely safe and there’s no need to purchase additional equipment or counseling to begin your journey back to sane, rational parenting.
This parenting style can be used by nearly anyone who needs it, moms and dads alike. It’s truly a cost-effective style that you will most certainly find economical once you’ve experienced the rewards of gaining your life back on your terms. At just $399.95, Scream It Out virtually pays for itself.
*Author’s Note: “Professional” is used here in a colloquial way and not to be meant literally. Our only professional titles are in the bedroom.
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