Parents Deserve to Steal Their Children’s Candy

candy for Halloween

I deserve to steal my children’s Halloween candy. You deserve that candy too; would you like to know why? Because being a grownup sucks most of the time, and if anybody needs those Whoppers, it’s you. When was the last time you dressed up like a mummy and went door to door, adorably begging for whatever chocolate your neighbors could spare? Probably somewhere in the ’80s, maybe early ’90s if you’re a GenX-er with generous parents who believed in childhood and let you extend your trick-or-treating into the teen years.

But let’s go back to the grownup years.

My kids are delusional about a lot of things, but they specialize in delusions of grandeur about adulthood. They seem to think the myriad decisions my husband and I make in a day are multiple choice between a fun house of options:

  • A) Sleep in forever
  • B) Eat candy for breakfast
  • C) Movie marathons in pajamas until the kids come home
  • D) Endless play dates and lunches with friends

While some of these choices actually happen every once in awhile NEVER I can’t seem to convince my kids life isn’t all awesome as a grown-up.  They want to stay up late every night with me and my husband, blasting the stereo while we all jump in our underwear on a bed made of taffy, and as such are relentless in their pursuit of adulthood.

halloween candy

It’s terrible‘ I tell them about being a grown-up, ‘all I do is pay bills, clean the house, never sleep, and work, work, WORK until my hands bleed.’.  They don’t believe me naturally, and they go on living their glorious ever-loving childhood, rose colored glasses protecting their eyes from the haze of their exhausted future.

So parents, you deserve to steal your children’s candy.  You’ve earned it.  Eat as much as you want, no regrets. After all, it’s been more than a few decades since someone shoved you off into the night wearing a badly sewn alligator costume with a plastic pumpkin to collect as much candy as your little body could carry.

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