PMS: Now Free At Schools Near You

Let’s all just admit it: school sometimes sucks. Not always, but sometimes. It doesn’t just suck for the students, but it also sucks for the parents. Kids get 12 years of listening to teachers who think that lecturing is “teaching”* so they can learn “life skills”, such as finding the area of a triangle, the amount of bacteria in expired milk, or the depression rates of French teenagers, all while dealing with parents whose only argument seems to be: “Yes! You do have to go to school today.”

Parents get 12 years of answering the same question over and over again: “When am I going to use this in real life?” How can you answer that, apart from, “errr… you will use that when you become a triangle specialist/modern day milkman/psychologist to the French”?

Senior year introduces PMS to both genders. Yes, that’s right! PMS is no longer just exclusively for girls! For one fantastic, fun-filled year, boys get to experience PMS as well! No ladies and gentlemen, I’m not referring to pre menstrual syndrome. This version of PMS is less biological and is more the result of hormonal teenagers, stress, and senior year all combining. It’s no shock that teenagers have mood swings, and senior year of high school brings that to a whole new level.

One minute, it’s all, “OMG! Only one more year to go! This is going to be the best year ever!” The next minute, it’s, “Why on earth do I have to suffer through one more year of this? Can’t I just drop out now? Cleaning toilets at McDonald’s for the next fifty years doesn’t seem so bad, you know.” Then comes, “Yay! Prom! So many great things are happening this year! Best year EVER!” That soon becomes, “WHY ARE YOU MAKING ME GO TO SCHOOL? WHAT KIND OF SADIST MADE UP THE RULE THAT SCHOOL HAS TO BE FOR FIVE DAYS A WEEK? CAN THIS BE RE-NEGOTIATED?”

Don’t even try to mention the fact that teenagers in Japan go to school on Saturdays as well, unless you want your child to respond: “WELL I DON’T LIVE IN JAPAN, OKAY? SO JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!”

Then comes: “There are so many college options! I’m totally excited for college!” This is quickly followed by: “I’M NOT GOING TO GET INTO COLLEGE! AHHHH! I’M GOING TO HAVE TO SPEND THE REST OF MY LIFE WIPING DOWN TOILETS AND CLEANING OFF GRAFFITI!” At this point, don’t even try to point out that, maybe, they would get into college if they used the time they spent whining for studying instead, or point out that just a few weeks ago, they thought McDonald’s was a great career option. It’ll just get you an eye roll, a door slam, or if you’re super lucky, a: “YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND ANYTHING!”

You know when you were preparing to go through puberty, and, there were books which explained the whole thing to you? Yeah, you’re not going to find anything about high school senior induced PMS in any book, and they fail to mention it in any of those “What To Expect When You’re Expecting…” books, because there really is no “What To Expect When You’re Expecting… High School Seniors Whom Are Overwhelmed, Stressed, And Have Rapidly Occurring Mood Swings.”

There’s really no steady fast way to prepare for the incomprehensible mini- monsters your teenagers will turn in to, (unfortunately), but, in place of a book, here’s my top five tips for Surviving Senior Year…(On the other hand, maybe you should just throw some chocolate and some permanent pity-party music their way and leave them to their own mixed emotions for the year). Don’t try and understand us; just love us — you’ll hopefully get your sane teenager back at the end of the year!

*Some teachers are fantastic. I’m not referring to those ones. I’m referring to the ones that make you contemplate sticking a pencil in your eye because they are so boring.

  • Don’t Mention School 1 of 5

    Yes, we all know it exists. Don't bother to ask how it is. You'll just get an answer you don't like.


    Photo Courtesy of [stockimages/]

  • Don’t Ask If We’re Worried About Getting Into College 2 of 5

    Of course we are. We're not dumb. We regret passing notes instead of paying attention for the last four years. Don't remind us of our regrets; it's not what Mother Teresa would do. 

    Image Courtesy of [KROMKRATHOG/]

  • Don’t Tell Us Not To Listen To Music/Have Our Phone Next To Us/Be On Facebook Whilst We’re Studying 3 of 5

    Obviously, we're practicing our multi-tasking, and that is a much more important skill than learning how to solve algebraic equations.

    Image Courtesy of: [MR LIGHTMAN/]

  • Don’t Question Our Homework Load 4 of 5

    Don't mention the fact that we're "too busy with homework" to help with the housework, but we, mysteriously, "don't have any homework" when someone invites us to a party. Even Nancy Drew couldn't solve that mystery.

    Image Courtesy of [Arvind Balaraman/]

  • Don’t Mention That You Went To School As Well, And How You Had To Suffer Through Senior Year, Just Like Us 5 of 5

    Don't mention that you went to school as well, and how you had to suffer through senior year, just like us. The fact is, in our minds, school just wasn't as hard when you had to suffer through it. I mean, you didn't have the internet to distract you, or mobile phones for people to call you, or Facebook for friends to instant message you.

    Just face it: growing up in the 21st century is a burden. It's just one big procrastination temptation. As soon as you accept this fact,  the sooner they'll stop rolling their eyes at you.

    Image Courtesy of: [Ambro/]

Article Posted 3 years Ago
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