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Relax, the Kids Are (Going to Be) All Right

donuts

They were DELICIOUS!

Austin got up early and made donuts this morning. That’s a simple statement, but it holds depths of meaning for me. The kid that never woke up on time and ended up missing the bus regularly got up at 5 A.M. to make donuts. The kid who blew off his homework all the time in high school, practiced the baking skills he learned in culinary school just for fun.

Most of my kids are self-motivated when it comes to school. They do their homework every night with little to no prodding from me. They inherently strive to do well. They may not enjoy what they’re learning, but they know they need to do it, so they do. They earn very good grades; some with no effort, some with concerted effort. Most of my kids know what they want to be when they grow up (even though it might change a number of times before they reach college), but Jackson (and Austin until recently) had no career ideas, had no plans, had no motivation, and just plain didn’t care about school or grades or graduating. I used to stress out over their lack of motivation and passion. I would lose sleep worrying that one day they’d be 40-year-old adults still living with me, and working as the guy who twirls signs outside the mediocre cheesy beef restaurant.

I tormented myself with ideas of how I could have made it better! I should’ve pushed them harder in baseball, maybe they could’ve had professional sports careers. I should have forced them to take piano lessons, or learn to speak Russian and play tennis. Maybe they could’ve been on the Olympic curling team if I’d just focused more on keeping them busy with intense training, like sweeping my kitchen floor. I let them try out some sports over the years for fun, but I never got obsessive or signing them up for private lessons or anything. While my kids were running around outside hunting Woolly Mammoths, aka: the neighbor’s dog (what can I say? They have good imaginations), they could have been going to lessons to ensure their successful futures. But at the time, I didn’t worry about my children’s future. I just let them be kids. I didn’t push them to do extra homework, and I sucked at filling out reading logs and making sure they got their 30 minutes in every night. I kept thinking that eventually they’d learn. They had to learn someday, right? At some point, they’d figure out that education was important, they’d buckle down, and they’d be successful, right? RIGHT?

Austin, the kid I worried wouldn’t graduate from high school last year, and indeed kept me guessing until the week of graduation, is doing really well now. I mean, he’s doing 4.0 well! Austin joked around about being a hobo for years. In fact, he wrote a guest post about his career ideas two years ago. Read it and you’ll understand why it left me wondering if it was too late to put him up for adoption. But here’s the thing: He was unmotivated and didn’t care about school while he was being forced to learn things that didn’t interest him. Once he started culinary school, he changed. He suddenly liked going to school. He practiced at home just for fun. He earned “A’s” in everything he did.

Looking back, I guess the signs were there all along. Remember those donuts Austin just made? When he was 12 years old, he decided to make donuts by himself. He found a recipe, mixed up the ingredients, and proceeded to fry the dough. He melted my slotted spoon and spattered hot oil everywhere in the process. The outcome? These:

001 (1)

Yeah, they were less-than-edible, but still, you can see that he was into cooking several years ago. And now, it’s his passion! Austin is who he is — and I don’t think if I’d pushed his homework or other activities more it would have made much of a difference. I don’t think it would’ve changed the outcome if I’d worked my butt off to ensure my child’s future would be successful.

Now I’m not saying you shouldn’t encourage your kids or offer them opportunities to try out a variety of activities — you should. You should push them to try their hardest and do their best. However, if the day comes where you’re waiting to see if they’ll even have enough credits to graduate, and you start worrying that they’ll spend their adult years saying, “You want fries with that?”, relax. Things have a way of working out. Your kids will find their passion, and destiny in life at some point.

 

Want to read more from Dawn? Get her books here: Because I Said So (and other tales from a less-than-perfect parent) and You’ll Lose the Baby Weight (and other lies about pregnancy and childbirth).

Check out Dawn’s blog here: Because I Said So

If you liked this post, here are some more favorites from Dawn:

From Divorced to Dating: The (Almost) Completely Normal Progression

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