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Sifting Through The Rubble

There has been many times in my life when I didn’t know who I was or where I was going.

And I’m not referring to the times when liquor was involved.

As a teenager, I had no clue who I was, who I wanted to be or what I was capable of. Which is pretty normal for a teenager. I’m watching my children go through the same struggles themselves and it’s all I can do to stop myself and give them all the answers they are looking for.

They may not know who they are but I’m fairly certain I know whom they’ll turn out to be. But part of being a parent is learning when to stand back, let go and let your kids figure out their lives’ mysteries the same way you had to.

When I finally grew up and started to see whom I was everything changed.

Life and death has a way of changing who you are.

I’ve spent all of my thirties going through the same angst I did as a teenager. Only this time I had to do it with more maturity since I am supposed to be an adult and with the added presence of chin whiskers.

There has been times when the only person in my house who seemed to know who they were was the family dog. And he doesn’t count because well, he’s a dog.

But life has a funny way of sorting itself out when you aren’t looking and recently I looked in the mirror and I saw myself. I saw all I once was, and all that I lost. I saw all that I am and I saw everything I hope to become.

I saw myself for the first time in years and I liked what I saw.

Because I am a strong woman. A good mother. A fantastic pie maker.

I am resilient.

I am hopeful.

I am filled with joy.

I am the woman whose playlist is filled with Elton John, Nickelback and Dolly Parton.

I am the gal who digs Billy Ray Cyrus shamelessly.

I am bad at math but good with letters.

I am all of this and more, and I know now that who I am today is not who I’m going to be tomorrow and I’m okay with that.

Because,

But no matter whom I turn out to finally be the one thing I am likely never to be is mature.

I can live with that.

Big thanks to my lovely friend Alli for starting this conversation.

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