Previous Post Next Post

Babble Voices

goonsquadsarah

That's Right. You Heard Me.

With Goon Squad Sarah

Connect with Goon

Sarah Braesch lives in the D.C. metro area with her husband, boy/girl twins and two very loud cats. Sarah blogs at Sarah and the Goon Squad, Draft Day Suit and various other places. Her confessional blog, Sarah and the Goon Squad, documents the everyday life of raising a family in a way that is both empathetic and hysterical.

Brought to you by

The Jig is Up

By Goon Squad Sarah |

The jig is up. The news is out. I told my kids that I was the Tooth Fairy.

And Santa Claus.

During the Super Bowl.

It all started when my son lost a front tooth, which is a story unto itself because it was only loose for about 10 minutes and he just cranked on it until it came out of his head. Gross! But my son lost a tooth during the first quarter of the Super Bowl.

Even though we were willing to let the kids stay up late, by the middle of the second quarter my son was ready for bed.

I very strongly suspect this was largely due to the anticipation of getting paid.

So I was tucking him in, trying to find that fine line during the Super Bowl where I miss neither any of the game or any commercials without pausing (you can no longer pause football games unless you want Twitter to ruin it for you and you can’t catch up during the Super Bowl or you will miss the commercials) when he says “Is the Tooth Fairy real?”

I did my usual “What do you think?” and “Do you really want to know?”

This is when they usually concede that they think the Tooth Fairy is real and that they don’t want to know.

This time he said “No. Wait, yes. I want to know.” I asked him if he was sure. He said “Yes. Is the Tooth Fairy real?”

My twins are almost eight years old. I knew this day was coming.  I did not know it was all going to go down during the Super Bowl. In hindsight I honestly believe if the Bucs had been playing I would have lied, lied, lied just so I could go back to the game even though I was looking forward to them knowing so I could stop worrying about getting caught in a web of my own deceit.

I have always hated lying to them about this stuff. It seemed ridiculous. I get Santa and the Tooth Fairy and even the Easter Bunny, I suppose, but when society tried to force me into lying to my kids about some Leprechaun myth I wasn’t even familiar with I got belligerent about it. When I told my son (who was crying because he needed a Leprechaun trap  for his room so it wouldn’t come in and wreck up the place and get him in trouble with me) that Leprechauns weren’t real and his teacher messed up the classroom and probably put green food coloring in the toilet (don’t ask) they boy cried and told me that I ruined everything.

Of course that was last year. This is second grade.

So I said, yes. I was the Tooth Fairy. And then he asked about Santa and I told him to wait so that I could get his twin sister and father so we could clear this up for the whole family.

During the Super Bowl.

I don’t know if I am properly explaining how important the Super Bowl is to me. It is very important to me. Super Bowl Sunday is my favorite holiday.

But this is about the big reveal, which really ended up with me and my husband with shit-eating grins on our faces while our children were half shocked and half already knew everything and asked questions like “So, do you actually wear the red suit on Christmas?” and “What do you do with my teeth?” and “You spend hundreds of dollars on this stuff?” and “Where do you hide the presents?” and “How do the other parents know about Ho Ho Ho?”

I think my son was more surprised than my daughter who had pretty much figured out the Tooth Fairy thing when she did an experiment. At the beginning of the school year she lost a tooth and didn’t tell us about it. She put it under her pillow and the Tooth Fairy never came. Of course they were still unclear on how we got the money under the pillow when they were at Grandma’s house. (Thanks Mom!)

The good news is that I no longer have to perpetrate a fraud. The bad news is that he kept the tooth and I was suckered into giving him a dollar anyway.

More on Babble

About Goon Squad Sarah

goonsquadsarah

Goon Squad Sarah

Sarah Braesch lives in the D.C. metro area with her husband, boy/girl twins and two very loud cats. Her confessional blog, Sarah and the Goon Squad, documents the everyday life of raising a family in a way that is both empathetic and hysterical. Read bio and latest posts → Read Sarah's latest posts →

« Go back to Babble Voices

Use a Facebook account to add a comment, subject to Facebook's Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. Your Facebook name, profile photo and other personal information you make public on Facebook (e.g., school, work, current city, age) will appear with your comment. Comments, together with personal information accompanying them, may be used on Babble.com and other Babble media platforms. Learn More.

7 thoughts on “The Jig is Up

  1. Korinthia Klein says:

    Well, at least you don’t have to try and figure out what to do with the tooth!

  2. teresa dearr says:

    What do you mean the tooth fairy and Santa are not real? No way!

  3. Melissa says:

    I am so very jealous. My 9yo I think “knows” but isn’t ready to admit it. But the 4yo we’re going to have to keep it up for awhile, so that could be tricky. I suck so so much at being the tooth fairy, I can’t wait to get out of it.

  4. Beth says:

    Now I am clear on why K. came home from school soon after and said to me, “Sarah’s kid told me that Santa isn’t real.” Thanks, Sarah, for vicariously breaking the news to both my first grader and her kindergarten-aged sister.

    Only kidding. It was actually Matthew who told her. Now I just need to find his mom. :-)

  5. [...] of me on That’s Right. You Heard Me: The Jig is Up Sure Breast is Best, but Take it Easy What Do You Do With the Baby [...]

  6. [...] of me on That’s Right. You Heard Me: I Told My Kids I was Santa Sure Breast is Best, but Take it Easy Ways I Waste My [...]

  7. [...] of me on That’s Right. You Heard Me: I Told My Kids I was Santa Sure Breast is Best, but Take it Easy 80s Movie Lines I Use on My [...]

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *.

Previous Post Next Post