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Sesame Street Remix

After watching Sesame Street as a kid, going through a ton of episodes with Elby and then again with Sadie and Matilda, I’m ready for them to shake things up a bit. I’m ready for a very special episode of Sesame Street:

-Cookie Monster must face an intervention for his obsessive cookie eating. After being told that “everyone here on Sesame Street loves you like crazy and just wants you to get better,” Cookie agrees to go to a 30-day in-patient treatment center in Palm Springs, CA. Four days after completing treatment, he relapses on a box on Nilla Wafers.

-Thanks to Cialis, Mr. Noodle finally gets al dente.

-Ernie and Bert realize their lifelong dream of adopting twin Chinese baby girls. They name them Esther and Babs. Although the children are not biological, Esther loves baths and Babs loves pigeons.

-Dorothy finally gets out of Elmo’s shadow when she leaves Sesame Street to star in her own VH1 reality show, “Fishbowl of Love.”

-What’s the Word on the Street? Clit.

-Oscar the Grouch finds a bootleg prescription for Wellbutrin, moves out of his trash can into a phat new dumpster and gets a job working for the DMV.

-After listening to Elmo refer to himself in the third person for almost three decades, Snuffleupagus hands him a long overdue trunk whipping.

-The letter Q suffers a massive stroke, after a long period of rehabilitation, he returns to the alphabet determined to teach children about the dangers of high cholesterol.

-Gordon is falsely accused of sexual harassment by a greedy, litigious puppet. He hires Gloria Allred to represent him. Eventually he is cleared of the charges but is forever followed by a dark cloud of doubt.

-In the tear jerking show finale, Big Bird unwittingly brings in an anti-viral resistant strain of Avian flu creating a fatal pandemic throughout Sesame Street.

Want more from me on Babble? Try 11 Things You’d Judge About My Parenting or Are You Down With PPP?

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