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I don’t get to see a lot of movies. I blame the lack of babysitters and the fact that I don’t watch rated R movies because my tender brain just can’t handle them. I’m not a movie nerd and if I’ve learned anything from looking over the list of this year’s nominees it’s that I must have been living in a very dark hole void of movies and popular culture. Of the 9 nominees for best picture in this year’s Oscars®, I’ve seen two, one of them by accident. The bigger issue? I HAVEN’T EVEN HEARD OF THREE OF THEM. Argo? Isn’t that a brand of flour? Amour? Well that’s love, and if I’ve learned anything about best picture nominees they’re rarely about what their title suggests. (Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close anyone?) Lastly, Beasts of the Southern Wild. *shrugs* I have a feeling it’s not about wild animals running around Georgia. I turned Kill Bill off in the first 10 minutes and vowed to never watch another Quentin Tarantino movie as long as I live (somehow my life is feels complete without knowing what blood spatter looks like and intense racial slurs sound like. No, really, I’M GOOD.) Life of Pi? I’m sure I’ll see it one day, but that scene in the trailer where he watches the ship sink underwater? That’s a little view into my own worst nightmare friends. Cody saw Lincoln (he said it was a snoozefest but that Daniel Day Lewis was incredible) and Zero Dark Thirty (he’s convinced Hurt Locker is the best movie ever made and that the Bin Laden scene in Zero Dark Thirty is the best military scene ever filmed.) He just mumbled to himself all the way to the car about how badly he wants to see Argo; clearly he’s way ahead of me when it comes to the Oscars this year.
I did see Les Miserables. Hard to believe I sang those songs in eighth grade not knowing the whole story. Especially ‘I Dreamed a Dream.’ Whoa. Russell Crowe? Meh. Everybody else? Duuuuude. And that is my official review.
I also saw Silver Linings Playbook on accident. My friends were all “YAY MOVIES IT’S MY BIRTHDAY!” and I was all “OKAY!” and within the first seven minutes it was super obvious that I was in the WRONG MOVIE. Or was I? It was really good. And as someone with mental illness? Hit pretty close to home. Doesn’t mean I’ll be running off and watching ALL the R-rated movies, but I’m glad I stumbled into that one on accident. (Same with Seeking a Friend for the End of the World–have you seen it? Easily one of my new favorite movies ever.)
Of the 84 best picture wins, I’ve seen 25.5 of them–the .5 being Casablanca. I was really too young to watch it when I did. I got the general idea but didn’t really pay attention. I just watched An American in Paris with Addie a few weeks ago. My how far movies have come. Remember when it was a big deal when Rhett told Scarlet he didn’t give a damn? Can you imagine if the 1939 academy had Django Unchained to compare that little ‘damn’ to?
Do you have to know everything there is to know about movies to enjoy the Oscars? Nope. And I’m proof of that.
Really the only category this year I can have any true opinion on is animated feature film; I’ve seen 4 of the 5 of those. (I’m team Wreck-It Ralph but Brave was pretty spectacular as well.) Animated feature film is one of those categories where if you at least made an attempt to make an animated film you’ll most likely be nominated as long as it isn’t Smurfs. I sometimes wonder if there are films that know they’ll never be up for any sort of major award because they cast SameFace Stewart in them so they hire the most talented costume designer to at least get a mention. I could watch entire documentaries on just the nominees for best costume design. (My vote goes to Mirror Mirror.)
I’m a little miffed Bully didn’t get a nomination for best documentary. While I haven’t seen any of the other documentaries, I have a hard time believing any of them could hold a candle to Bully, what it stands for, and what it will do for us as a society.
For those of you who have Oscar parties, there’s a free app available for download on Apple, Google Play or Amazon that allows you to vote for your favorites, keep track of the winners and declare a winner at your own party by the end of the night (or just weed out who has terrible taste in movies). My Oscar night will be spent alone in cat hair covered yoga pants with my laptop open. I once heard that Hillary Swank’s whole green getup for the Million Dollar Baby Oscars rang in at around $80K and took a little over 16 hours to make happen (as far as her getting ready.) Pfft. I’d be a terrible celebrity. I’ll happily rank everyone’s outfit from the comfort of my couch, thank you.
The Oscar app also has galleries of outfits past, different stars throughout their Oscar years, Tim Gunn’s favorites as well as some of the most scandalous outfits ever worn. Basically if there’s anything you want to know about anyone at the Oscars this year, you’ll be able to find it out almost immediately. And if you’re of the stalker variety, you can follow along with backstage cameras. (I’m kind of hoping they’ll have a ‘Ryan Gosling’ camera and that it never cuts away…a girl can dream, no?)
I love the dresses, I love the hair, I love pulling for the movies I’ve actually seen even if they aren’t really the best. It’s kind of like when a friend you know is in a competition and you vote for them not because they are the best, but because you loved them first. (There’s also rumors that I look a lot like Jessica Chastain; I’ll be checking her out to see how good looking I would be if I had 16 hours and $80K to get ready for one night.)
To find out all the details about this year’s Oscars, click here.
To download the app for yourself, your iPad, iPod, iPhone, Android or Kindle Fire, click here.