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Six Cupcake Recipes That Will Turn You into a Sexy Millionaire

Seriously?

Why do you keep clicking on this stuff?

That bored at work, huh?

I know.

I get it.

Things slow down in the afternoon, and you end up sucking down that 3 o’clock coffee and cruising all the usual haunts and alleys looking for your fix. Its hard, man. It really is. And you’re hooked in the gills. You cannot shake it off, no way, no how. This internet stuff is way more difficult than they thought it would be when Al Gore invented it.

By the way, there will be no cupcake recipes. Okay, let me rephrase that: there will be no cupcake recipes here. I just crowbarred the word into my title to get you to click on this.

And guess what?

Ta-dah! Here you are. It worked!

It’s weird in a way, isn’t it? I mean, did you ever imagine that a total stranger somewhere far away, a man who you have never met in your life, and probably never ever will, could lightly control your mind and steer your thoughts and typing fingers with that one goofy word?

Cupcake.

Hmph.

Probably you didn’t. That makes sense; I wasn’t all that certain I could nail you down with just one word either, to be perfectly honest. That’s why I added the recipe thing and the sexy bit. Okay, and the millionaire stuff, too. Cupcakes, recipes, sexy millionaires: think about that for a second.

Now, tell me … what exactly are you out there searching for all alone out there in cyberspace?

Look, the thing is, our minds are changing, and fast. This whole digital age kind of snuck up on us, if you really break things down. There we were, young people, pretty much the same people who were impressed when Atari came out, for Godsakes, and then one day, more or less out of the blue, there was this whole new way to live our lives.

As soon as the internet dropped down out of the sky and into our laps, we were promised the greatest promise ever promised in the history of the world. We would never be lonely again.

We would never. Be lonely. Again.

How insane is that? We had no idea how to handle such extreme power, of course. We were green, we were naive. Who could blame us for hurling ourselves into this magic machine? For wanting to crawl inside of its warm innards and curl up beside the precise thoughts and words and ideas and dreams and pictures and videos and, yes, cupcake recipes, that had long occupied that innermost dialogue we’d been having with our crazy-ass minds since practically the moment we were born.

Here was a narcotic dressed up like an encyclopedia.

The Information Superhighway, they called it. It will change your measly, boring lives, they cried. Don’t try and stop it, don’t you dare try to ignore it, they hollered over the roar of the mounting traffic. It’ll only run you down. That’s what they said. It will only run you down. And it won’t think twice about it, either.

So. Here we are. We’re part of the most massive shift in the history of mankind. Hell, we’re probably part of the biggest alteration to the seams of the Sweet Mama Cosmos since the Big Bang. (Yes there was a Big Bang. Next week I will write a piece about it. And I will be sure to include a list of the ten best snack foods to munch on when you’re trying to get your spinning head around that sucker.)

Here we are, sitting at our desks, sitting at the traffic light, ignoring the kids scrambling around our living room chairs, parked out front of the Aunt Annie’s Pretzels at the food court in the mall, constantly ‘going online,’ perpetually hooked by this electrical force of invention and promise.

Forever tapping away at our desire for something we cannot even fathom, that’s us now, ain’t it?

What are you looking for? What are any of us looking for? How did we become addicted to something so intangible?

Cupcakes?

Recipes?

The off-chance remote possibility that clicking this link could somehow, in some magically awesome way, transform your life into the hard-bodied, wealthy one you secretly know you were supposed to live, but which someone, early on, misplaced (or STOLE!), and left you, and all the rest of us, wandering around from post to post, from comment to comment, from ‘Like’ to ‘Like’, from cupcake recipe to cupcake recipe, trying desperately, but to no avail, to gorge our hungry souls with something, anything, good enough to make us feel better about ourselves?

Yes.

The answer is yes, to all of it, I think. I mean, you clicked on this post, didn’t you? And now we’re connected, no matter how slightly, in some remotely strange and fascinating way.

From here on out, you and I, we are connected, across some great divide, if only for just a few seconds longer.

If only until you click away from here and start your search once more.

 

Image: sgustok.org

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You can also find Serge on his personal blog, Thunder Pie.

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