I fit into my skinny jeans again. The ones I bought when I was in the first stages of divorce and was unable to eat from anxiety and finally started dropping the babyweight I’d put on after my second baby was born because the only way to deal with my emotions was by eating them. I was a mess, but I lost enough weight to buy skinny jeans. Then I put it back on plus more.
You can know intellectually why you’ve put on (or are putting on) weight, and knowing may even, in fact, be half the battle. But you still have to work to make the weight come off.
In my case, losing enough weight to get back into the skinny jeans has been the shockingly complicated combination of eating less and exercising more.
Ok, really, it’s been a lot more than that. It’s been figuring out what foods make me hold onto weight and what foods make me feel better and release weight. Eating to feed my body instead of to squelch my emotions. Making decisions that are sometimes harder than others.
And it’s been the love affair with my legs as they run that I never thought I’d have, and my discovery that I can swim and do Pilates and play soccer and stick it out through an hour of barre class.
I realized the other day that since I’ve been playing outside midfielder in soccer, that means that the chance that I’ll score a goal is very low if I’m doing what I’m supposed to be doing. It’s not my usual pattern to do things that a) I’m not good at (and I’m not at all good at soccer), and b) I have no chance of being the star at. But I’m happy to be learning to be a decent outside mid, with no aspirations ever to be a striker or even center mid. This is new for me.
The things I have learned about myself through this whole process (and it’s not over–I still have about 18 more pounds to lose, and two more miles to add to my running distance in the next five weeks, and we have three more weeks of soccer, and I’m signed up for barre on Monday and Tuesday) are that I can, and I do. All I knew about myself before was that I could eat a lot of Ben and Jerry’s and it felt like my problems were gone for the length of time it took me to eat a pint. Now I know that I can keep going even when it doesn’t feel good, even when my legs want to stop, even when the sweat is running into my eyes, even when I have a huge bruise on my thigh and my ankles hurt and I missed a save.
So the skinny jeans are awesome (and I wore them to church this morning), but it’s really not about the jeans. It’s about taking off the jeans and putting on some shorts and going to sweat.
Follow her cat on Facebook at Alex the Assassin Cat.
If you liked this post you might also like: