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The Spirit Animals of Dating

The-Spirit-Animals-of-Dating

Dating is the human courting process for finding your mate. Anyone who’s ever done a decent amount of dating has learned not all dates were created equal. There are all kinds and types of people you can wind up across a dinner table from, the jock, the nerd, the model, the possible serial killer, there’re so many kinds.

But let’s look at it from a different angle. A deeper angle. A spiritual angle. Let’s look at some of the Spirit Animals of dating.

Not to learn anything, of course! Just for laughs. And possibly to heal a little? Because, when it comes to dating, it’s a jungle out there.

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  • Otter Dating Spirit Animal 1 of 20
    Otter Dating Spirit Animal
    The great swimmer's physique almost makes up for greasy surfer hair. Great at opening things but also great at eating messily. Everyone says they're cute, but their personality is sort of mundane and simple once you get to talking.
  • Koala Dating Spirit Animal 2 of 20
    Koala Dating Spirit Animal
    Seems sweet and sedate at first, but has a snarky moodiness underneath. Don't offer your breath mints, they'll eat the whole pack and then give you a disassociated "what" look as they scratch themselves slowly.
  • Giraffe Dating Spirit Animal 3 of 20
    Giraffe Dating Spirit Animal
    When they're not thoughtful and snobby, they're condescending. They've read all the books in their bookcases. And even the ones in yours that you haven't read. They may be brainy, but they're physically awkward when trying to dance or play sports or walk.
  • Red Panda Dating Spirit Animal 4 of 20
    Red Panda Dating Spirit Animal
    Quirky and disarming, get ready for clever quips galore, maybe even fun facts about the history of mix tapes. You're not going to have wild dreams of hot mating seasons with them, but they make you smile and know where to get the best coffee ever.
  • Ostrich Dating Spirit Animal 5 of 20
    Ostrich Dating Spirit Animal
    Shy and timid or downright paranoid, expect sweaty handshakes or trembling hugs that either last a microsecond or until the clock strikes weird o'clock. Don't see scary flicks with this one unless you've got earplugs.
  • Lemur Dating Spirit Animal 6 of 20
    Lemur Dating Spirit Animal
    Party animal who never sleeps but is always listening to dubstep. Watch out. All dates will either end at a rave, or on a Cheetos-fragranced couch for some epic video gaming. They can rave and play for hours without blinking.
  • Sloth Dating Spirit Animal 7 of 20
    Sloth Dating Spirit Animal
    A little boring and inert. You're not going to be able to drag this one onto the dance floor and you might have to drag them just about everywhere. They're not very dependable, always forgetting things or napping unexpectedly.
  • Tiger Dating Spirit Animal 8 of 20
    Tiger Dating Spirit Animal
    Cool but aloof and difficult to impress. Spends too much time grooming and working out. Probably not a good idea to talk about yourself, unless you're talking about what you think of them. Don't wounded their ego (or bolt across a field) or they may bare their veneered fangs.
  • Lemur Dating Spirit Animal 9 of 20
    Lemur Dating Spirit Animal
    Family-oriented, but this is because they still live with their family. You're probably going to carry the conversation but they'll listen intently and stare into your eyes for forever and a day.
  • Polar Bear Dating Spirit Animal 10 of 20
    Polar Bear Dating Spirit Animal
    Fiercely stylish and suave. Though better dressed then you, they may make up for it by sharing their tres chic shopping spots, or disapprovingly start picking invisible lint off your shirt. Get ready to watch black and white Italian movies and listen to music you've never heard.
  • Horse Dating Spirit Animal 11 of 20
    Horse Dating Spirit Animal
    Generous and hard working. If you get into a relationship they'll make you feel like a star, but they may always be away at the office or hiking. You better like juicing, wheat grass and John Denver.
  • Llama Dating Spirit Animal 12 of 20
    Llama Dating Spirit Animal
    Slobby and dark. You might expect that they're a hipster because of the odd stink you're going to smell in your car for days. They're not hip, they're gross-sters. When they open their mouths to reveal yellow teeth, it's mostly to say creepy and vulgar things, or to spit.
  • Raccoon Dating Spirit Animal 13 of 20
    Raccoon Dating Spirit Animal
    Kind of a shady sleaze. Eats junk food, up all night, crashes at your place when you least expect or want it. Is always borrowing money that doesn't get repaid. Also, kind of a clepto, so don't be too flattered if you get a gift. Look for the still-attached price tag and security fob.
  • Rabbit Dating Spirit Animal 14 of 20
    Rabbit Dating Spirit Animal
    Cautious and fidgety. They might even have a facial tick that speaks to their nervous, high-strung nature. Overly flirty jokes and innuendos will give you the idea they're probably into a lot of pervy stuff underneath it all. You'll be correct.
  • Monkey Dating Spirit Animal 15 of 20
    Monkey Dating Spirit Animal
    The class clown graduated to a career as the life of the party. Watch out for this one's antics. You're going to laugh a lot, and it all may seem fun, but it can be hard to keep up without a sixer of Red Bull. They can quote every line from every Star Wars movie, so bone up on it.
  • Bull Dating Animal Spirit 16 of 20
    Bull Dating Animal Spirit
    Soulful and outdoorsy, doesn't say much but when they do it's worth saying. Might have a private little tattoo somewhere. Camping, some brews and country music might become an internal part of your relationship.
  • Baboon Dating Spirit Animal 17 of 20
    Baboon Dating Spirit Animal
    Stern, old-fashioned and doesn't give a s**t unless they need to throw it at someone to get what needs doing done. Their tenacious, stubborn attitude can get you into a lot of places, but you probably won't want to be there with them once you are.
  • Rhinoceros Dating Spirit Animal 18 of 20
    Rhinoceros Dating Spirit Animal
    The slow tough guy. A little intimidating. Makes you feel like you've got a body guard if they're with you. Makes you feel like your body NEEDS guarding if they aren't. Owns a lot of leather and denim.
  • Piglet Dating Spirit Animal 19 of 20
    Piglet Dating Spirit Animal
    Wrinkled, mismatched clothes (a few too many Dr. Who t-shirts). Has an annoying high-pitched laugh, likes music that makes your teeth grind. They're genuine sweet and good, but have body odor problems and have odd interests like spiders and spelling bees.
  • Penguin Dating Spirit Animal 20 of 20
    Penguin Dating Spirit Animal
    Patient and reliable, they're great with kids. They generally come off friendly without being particularly outstanding at get-togethers. If things get romantic, bring a heating blanket, their feet will be shockingly cold when you're spooning.

Images by zooportraits.com by Yago Partal (you can even buy prints there!)

Good luck out there, humans. Hopefully you don’t need to call animal control in your dating explorations through the wild.

Let me know if you’ve ever dated any of these Spirit Animals, or share this post saying which one you had the wildest experience with.

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