Are You Down With PPP (Privileged People Problems)?
If you’ve spent any time on blogs, mommy message boards or even a book store you know that there are issues that drive a wedge between mothers or at least cause quite a bit of lively discussion. Is it detrimental to children to have parents who both work? Is it socially acceptable for a woman to choose not to breast feed? Should a baby ever have sugar? Should there always be one parent at home? These are argued about so frequently and with such venom and force they have been dubbed The Mommy Wars. But when you really think about it, aren’t these “problems” that we (myself included) get our nursing bras in a knot about really more like choices, choices that we are lucky -privileged even -to be able to make?
But women get all kinds of crazy when these topics are brought into conversation -even more when wine is introduced – which is a whole privileged people problem in itself -the arguing about whether or not moms should drink wine in front of their children (yawn). Plenty of normal not-so-privileged women laugh in the face of the mommy endlessly complaining about how hard it is to find a decent housekeeper or whether a prospective pre-school offers enough sense of “parenting community.” Are you confused as to which problem we moms face are real and which are PPPs? Well here’s where I break it down. Hint: most are PPP’s.
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Breast Vs. Bottle
If you’re horrified by the mere thought of a drip of formula touching your baby’s lips, if you are feeling that the task of committing yourself fully to breast feeding on demand for the next year, no matter how overwhelmed, stressed and bloody you may get, seems daunting, you are experiencing a PPP. A large percentage of moms don’t get that choice because they have to go back to work where pumping every hour may not be an option and BFing on demand definitely won’t be an option.
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Working Mom Guilt
Some days you think you are going to lose your mind hanging out with your kids all day right? Just how many times a day can one woman scrape poop off the floor, figure out what the hell the two-year-old will decide she likes to eat that day, and get through another episode of Dora? Maybe it would be better to go back to work you think. But then you realize how lucky you are to get to be home during these formative years and you vow to have a better attitude. Until the next poop incident. Well, let’s just admit it: this is a triple P.
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Birthday Party Panic
Your son is turning two…well, in 8 months, and you can’t sleep because your brain can’t stop spinning around over how to best make his day a magical milestone. Sure, the question of whether you should invite the entire preschool or just his class qualifies as a problem…but it’s definitely a PPP.
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Attachment Anxiety
Are you committed to only using cloth diapers and carrying your baby 24/7? Feel like a bad mom if your baby sleeps half a night in a crib, cries for eight seconds more than necessary or weans at twelve months instead of forty-eight months? You are in the throes of a PPP.
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Super Dad Syndrome
I’m going out on somewhat of a limb here but if you have a super involved dad in your life and he’s happy about it, then one or more of you is unemployed and not in a deep dark depression about it. See normally when a dad or mom (in a family where both parents need to work) is unemployed they are bitter and drunk most of the time and not a whole lot of fun. They certainly don’t want to get on the floor and play Parcheesi or buy you that Simon game for Christmas that you reminded them you wanted a ton of times. No, they are just hanging out in the garage pretending to fix stuff with a bottle of whiskey and some shattered dreams. I’m not talking from experience here. I’m only imagining. So I could be wrong. In fact, I probably am. And really, Super Fun Involved Dad is not a PPP. It’s actually not a problem at all. So you if you have one, good for you!
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Losing Baby Weight Fast
If after you have a baby your first order of business is getting rid of the post baby belly, you are most likely dealing with a PPP. Many more moms couldn’t get time away from their baby to hit the gym even if they wanted to --and let’s be honest, does anyone reeeally want to unless they have a movie role coming up in the next eight weeks? Exactly.
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Nanny Issues
Do you spend quality time pondering whether or not you need a nanny cam? Have you perusing the site “I Saw Your Nanny”? Does your nanny screw up the laundry? Does she buy whole milk instead of the 2% you clearly asked for? Eat all the almonds? Take too many sick days? Or maybe you worry your kids love the nanny a little too much? Or that your husband likes your nanny a little too much? Uh news flash: you have a nanny. That’s a PPP.
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I need this perspective tonight (worrying about my 2 yr olds bday).
I think my hubby is a super dad, but that is partially out of neccessity- we often work opposite days because we cant afford five days of daycare, so two days a week it’s a daddy day! I feel very fortunate to have him – his days off are spent wrangling our little girl, buying milk and doing laundry!
Word. The fact that I’m reading this post and it’s making me think that I do, in fact, have these problems…is in itself a PPP.
A good solution for the Birthday Party Panic PPP? Have more kids, then become really, REALLY broke. For the next birthday, we’re going to splurge at Costco – $1.50 hot dogs and a soda for everyone. Now we’re talkin’ party. And I’m not losing any sleep over it.
This is AWESOME>
This is really not helpful in the Mommy War battles. I don’t have most of these problems personally, but a lot of moms do. And for moms who, say, really wish they could stay at home or really want to breastfeed (but struggle), they are not small problems. They are real struggles. By saying they’re only for privileged people, you’re implying that they really aren’t worth worrying about and these moms should be grateful they have kids/a job/food/a home. You’re pitting these moms against other moms just as much as people who fight about these issues. Why can’t we just understand that we all lead different lives and we all have different struggles, and that these struggles are no more or less legitimate than anyone else’s? Is it that hard?
“Are you worried that you haven’t blogged in a whole week, and your ‘fans’ are going to lose interest?” PPP. Great article. Thanks!
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