Mommy Humble Brags: Are You Guilty?
Motherhood. Sometimes talking with other moms can be a transcendent, fulfilling experience. A chance to share that connective fiber which brings women together. But other times, a conversation with another mom can be a festering cesspool of competition.
I was recently at Target when I ran into a mom I hadn’t seen in at least five years. I immediately remembered why we hadn’t kept in touch. Within the first two minutes of conversation she complained that she was barely sleeping nights since she’d found out her son had been accepted into two different private schools and she couldn’t figure out which one to pick. Apparently this was a terrible dilemma since as she put it, “They are both dying to have him and I hate to burn a bridge at either place!” I know, right? Who would want to have her problems?
As I walked away I realized that this had been the epitome of a Humble Brag, or as author Harris Wittels refers to it in his book: The art of false modesty. The person who’s been humble bragged usually feels slightly knocked down a peg which makes the humble braggart feel slightly more consequential.
And that’s when I realized that mommy gatherings are usually chock full of humble brags! I feel like I’ve heard them all but here are a few of my favorites. And just know that the pictures have little to do with the brag. Unfortunately, most of my photos are of my beautiful children so it was tough to find something that worked. #HUMBLEBRAG
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Shut up!
"My baby is already 4 months old and I’m still 5 pounds away from my pre-pregnancy weight! "
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Really?
"I have so much respect for women who have to do everything I do without full time help!"
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No you aren't.
"I could never do sleep training. I’m just too sensitive."
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It's hard to be you!
"I have so little time for myself because I volunteer so much at my kids’ school! I’ve really got to learn to say no!"
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Special!
"It’s so hard to have a gifted child. I constantly have to come up with ways to challenge him!"
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Just LA?
"It’s such a huge pain to drag my kid around to all of these commercial auditions but every time I’m about to stop she books something!"
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You don't say!
"When I’m with my kids people always ask if I’m their babysitter! Looking this young is such a curse!"
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Come on!
"My kid is doing such advanced math I can’t even help him with his homework."
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Now you're lying.
"My kids just don’t like to watch TV. Really! I wish they would so I could get a break from playing with them! "
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The sleep training one makes me stabby.
SWT….I shared this on Reddit and most people didn’t even understand the concept. Most responses were something like, “what’s wrong with being proud of my kid?!” They just couldn’t comprehend it. Damn mouthbreathers. I loved it though. Here’s one I heard recently: “When people see me with my son, they treat me like I’m his babysitter because I’m small and have a young face.” That must be really hard.
How about this one, “My kid got moved up in math but it’s really hard for her.”
Me too!!! And just GAG ME on “I have to learn to say no.” Hilarious list!
Um, the math one…uh…geez. By the time my sons are in late elementary school, I’m not going to be able to help them with their math homework.
It has nothing to do with their brilliance (tongue in cheek), but more with my total mathematical incompetence.
Yeah my kid will not watch two seconds of tv, no way, no how, not possible I have tried….she’s four now and I have even strapped her in her high chair in front of the tv so I can go get dressed or something and it doesn’t work because she screams bloody murder or scoots the highchair across the room to get into stuff… even putting the high chair on the ground doesnt work because she will knock it over and be stuck like a turtle. There really is no break, not even for a second, not even to brush my teeth…and you don’t know how much I wish my kid could just watch a show…or even 5 minutes of one. My son on the other hand would watch tv all day to the point where he would pee himself if I didn’t remind him to go use the toilet because he isn’t very motivated. So clearly we don’t watch much TV at all in my house because one kid can’t and the other becomes lazy.
The thing about the humble brag is that there really isn’t any way to combat it because it’s done in such a passive-aggressive way. What am I saying? Dealing with any kind of passive-aggressive behavior always wears me out!
Um, I was laughing a bit until I got to the “I could never sleep train, I’m too sensitive” one. Ugh! I would say this person is too insensitive to have kids but that would be mean. I have actually said I could never sleep train because I’m too sensitive, and I mean it — and I also mean that I could never sleep train because I know how bad it is for babies (and moms too!)..
Oh, and the photo of the baby in the sleep training snark comment is an example of a very unsafe sleep environment.
I am not speaking from direct personal experience, but it is hard to parent a gifted child. Especially if they are “twice exceptional.” http://www.sengifted.org/archives/articles/the-emotional-needs-of-the-gifted-child
I had a “friend” who bragged that her daughter only like organic fresh vegetables. Poor kid would come to my house and eat a whole bag of oreos and growl at anyone who tried to take it away.