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Stefanie Wilder-Taylor is the host of Parental Discretion on NickMom as well as the author of four books including Sippy Cups Are Not for Chardonnay and Naptime Is the New Happy Hour. She also hosts the podcast For Crying Out Loud.

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The Lazy Girl’s Guide To Health

By Stefanie Wilder Taylor |

When I first quit drinking over two and a half years ago (it will be three years on May 22nd) (Hold your applause! Calm yourselves, seriously! This isn’t an AA meeting!), I was under the impression that I was a fairly healthy person living an adequately healthy life, but my plan was to step it up and be an incredibly healthy person. Despite the fact that I am someone who is the indoor type, who loves nothing more than to lie on the couch watching Real Housewives and who can’t think of anything less appealing than a hike, I was going to be the opposite. I was going to instantly be a person who wouldn’t turn her nose up at a kale smoothie. A person who goes for a walk “just because” and a person with perfect bone structure and skinny knees. I was going to rock a miniskirt and have an enviable resting pulse rate.

I know these types of unrealistic expectations are true for a lot of us. Addicts don’t have the monopoly on black and white thinking.

Not long after I put the wine down I realized that I was slowly putting on a few pounds. It turned out that when the booze was out of my life in order to manage my stress I was turning to other things, other not-so-healthy things like sugar. I’d sit on the couch at night all anxiety and clenched jaws wondering how normal people relax. I felt keyed up and uncomfortable and very much in need of Xanax but I knew I couldn’t go there. So I ate dessert. By Halloween of that year I was mainlining candy like it was my job. The kids had to hide their bags from me lest they find only a few linty candy corns and a gummy skeleton. “Where are my mini Snickers mom? I counted twelve of them yesterday!” Elby cried to me one night after dinner. “I think Matilda stole them.”

“No honey. She didn’t.” It would have been easy to let Mattie be the fall guy but, you know, I was working this program of recovery that required rigorous honesty dammit. “I ate them.” Elby stared at me like I just told her she was adopted. It was then I knew that my candy eating was out of control and that I was going to need a different plan -one that didn’t involve trying to do a 180 within twenty four hours.

It turns out that the best way to make changes is slowly, reasonably. I had to give myself goals that I could attain and give myself a break when I messed up. I had to just sit there with fear or uncomfortable feelings at time and wait (an eternity sometimes) for them to pass. They always pass. Before I knew it I felt better, happier and healthier. Although I still have fat knees. Here are a few of my golden suggestions!

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Be Lazy and Still Lose Weight

Drink at least four glasses of water a day.

Yes I know it’s supposed to be eight but are you ever really going to drink eight? No. So do four. And a caffeine free diet soda can count as one. Yeah, I said that!

I want to thank Brita for sponsoring this post and reminding me to drink my water!

MORE ON BABBLE:

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About Stefanie Wilder Taylor

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Stefanie Wilder Taylor

Stefanie Wilder-Taylor is the host of Parental Discretion on NickMom as well as the author of four books including Sippy Cups Are Not for Chardonnay and Naptime Is the New Happy Hour. She also hosts the podcast For Crying Out Loud. Read bio and latest posts → Read Stefanie's latest posts →

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17 thoughts on “The Lazy Girl’s Guide To Health

  1. Anna Lefler says:

    Ahhh…skinny knees.

    That’s always been the dream.

    *sigh*

    A.

  2. Rebecca says:

    Ya know if I had a body like the girl getting the massage I’d probably get them but I don’t so I won’t. And, why just asparagus? Why not arugula or rutabaga or other fun sounding vegetables?

  3. Marta says:

    As a fond bed watcher of Real Housewives I find this to be just the right amount of lazy for me! Except the asparagus part.. that requires grocery shopping and such.

  4. jessica says:

    How timely, this post. I stopped eating desserts about 6 days ago. I thought i would quit all sugar and then I realized IT’S IN EVERYTHING! so as you said, small steps although for me this was a big mother. Life with no cake is not easy but I will admit it. I do feel a lot better.

  5. Anne says:

    A tip on eating fruit: frozen grapes, blueberries, or cherries make great snacks and they take longer to eat than the unfrozen kind, so you can snack throughout an entire epsiode of Grey’s Anatomy or Downton Abbey or whatever. I don’t bother freezing them myself, I buy them that way.
    I am writing this while eating a cinnamon roll, so what do I know?

  6. Diana says:

    Fat knees…ew. When I need to drop a few…I drink about 12 glasses of water a day. Good tasting water is key! Works, people, have you seen me? I’m pretty hot.

  7. pt-lawmom says:

    Now I have a serious asparagus craving! Working on the wine…

  8. The frozen fruit thing is awesome! Grapes are my jam. I do freeze them myself because I am a self starter that way.

    Yes, Diana, good tasting water is key.

  9. Courtney Rundell says:

    I’m scary amazing at swearing. Jealous? Thought so. I’m so happy to learn that it’s f*cking good for me.

  10. Lucie says:

    Great post! Baby steps baby, baby steps!! And bake asparagus for 20 minutes! ;)

  11. Sheilawalls says:

    I cringe @ the sight & sound of self righteous “healthy” people. How self absorbed should one person be, really?

  12. charlotte (not my real name) says:

    I think you get some kind of props/a bigger paycheck so while I’m no good at expressing myself well verbally, I’ll just say I love you Stefanie Wilder-Taylor! and not in a creepy way! I love how you make me laugh and make it ok for me to be…..me. Aw shit now i’m tearing up. The funniest one was about caffeine. Getting your endorsement on that has made me a loyal reader for life.

  13. Elizabeth says:

    OOOOooo. Where would I be without my Brita water filter? I used to buy bottles of water because I was too paranoid about my tap water. Then I started reading about all the crap in spring water and I was too freaked out to give my kids bottled water. I don’t want to expose them to any toxins (well who the hell does? Duh!). I can rest assured going with the filtered stuff!

  14. GirltoMom- Heidi says:

    I love your good but somewhat lazy advice!

  15. Annie P. says:

    I love this post Stefanie!! Great tips; great advice and I could use some of it. I too eat way too much ice-cream and candy at night during my prior drinking hours. I will try the grapes and dried fruit. I definitely need to drink more water! I’m
    40 years old and I’ve never taken a multi-vitamin. Ridiculous! I am going to Trader Joes tomorrow. Im good on the coffee; I’m good on the fresh air. I could definitely eat more greens, get an occasional massage (LOVE facials) and forgive myself. That’s a big one!! Thanks for all the great tips. xo
    -Annie

  16. Jennifer says:

    I’m a little slow..how do i share this on FB? I LOVE U TO PIECES!!!!

  17. Cori Bro says:

    I just acquired a rental property that has a reverse osmosis system. I pay for the water bill and if the reverse osmosis system jacks up the price I want to disable it..

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