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Stefanie Wilder-Taylor is the host of Parental Discretion on NickMom as well as the author of four books including Sippy Cups Are Not for Chardonnay and Naptime Is the New Happy Hour. She also hosts the podcast For Crying Out Loud.

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Top 8 Grossest Parenting Jobs

By Stefanie Wilder Taylor |

These babies. They seem so innocent, so pure and yet, the amount of disgusting work involved in parenting is mind blowing. “It’s a dirty job but someone’s gotta do it!” is something I often told myself when I picked up my baby’s pacifier from the floor, sucked off the dirt and popped it back in her mouth. It’s also what I tell myself now when I find myself cleaning a sneaker in the sink that is contaminated with dog poop. What’s up with kids’ eyesight that they can’t avoid dog crap? If it was my shoe I’d probably toss it out -but my shoes come from Payless or Target and the shoe in question wasn’t as cheap. Also, it has Spider-Man on it. The bottom line is, as a mom, there are parts of my job that I certainly don’t relish but they seem to come under my jurisdiction, so I do them.

Of course I had no clue what kinds of things I would do without blinking an eye before I had kids. I never pictured myself watching Dora let alone applying ointments to places on another person’s body that one rarely has the opportunity to see on their own body. But I do it, glad to be of service.

There are however a few things that are just not in my job description which I took the liberty of including in my non-so-comprehensive list of Gross Parenting Jobs!

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Top 8 Grossest Parenting Jobs

The Butt Sniff

You’ve done it or seen it a million times - parents sniffing their babies’ butts to see if they need a change. Sometimes we forget we’re in the middle of a restaurant or wedding or church service and that some people, people who have never had a baby, don’t understand.

If I’ve left any out, for God’s sake leave them in the comments. You people have been lax on commenting. Just being honest.

Want more from me on Babble? Try The Secret Shame of Raising Picky Eaters or  Have You Gone To the Parenting Dark Side?

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Diaper image courtesy of Flickr (Frostwire.com)

Lunch Box image courtesy of Flickr (Mazarine)

 

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About Stefanie Wilder Taylor

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Stefanie Wilder Taylor

Stefanie Wilder-Taylor is the host of Parental Discretion on NickMom as well as the author of four books including Sippy Cups Are Not for Chardonnay and Naptime Is the New Happy Hour. She also hosts the podcast For Crying Out Loud. Read bio and latest posts → Read Stefanie's latest posts →

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16 thoughts on “Top 8 Grossest Parenting Jobs

  1. Alison Navarro says:

    I’m dying at the thought of wiping another kid’s butt. Bodily fluids are never completely pleasant, but when they came from the kid we made, they’re tollerable. Snot & saliva are my kryptonite. The little girl that comes to play with my daughter has the most toxic sludge green snot pouring from her nose at all times. Like the kind that has prompted me to ask her mother, “are you sure there’s not some kind of infection in her head?” This child is scared of everything, cries at the drop of a hat and needs to be held. She’ll be crying because she got hurt or something and I’m the jerk that says, “I’ll pick you up after you blow your nose.” I’ve taken three breaks while writing this to rest my gag reflex, breathe deeply and poke out my mind’s eye.

  2. Mary Rekosh says:

    You have covered a lot of bases here. I’m also totally grossed out by having to wipe other people’s kids’ butts when they are over playing with my kids. This is why, when they assume the position, I tell them “You’re good, kid.” then I slap on one of my “Look Mommy! I have skid marks!” pins that I had made for this scenario and send them home.

  3. Carl Wilke says:

    Decent list yet some of my more retch-inducing jobs as a parent have come as a one man clean-up crew after my child vomited herself awake. Bonus points for any time this happens after said child has eaten pizza or the vomit has dried in her hair. My other revolting parental job is being the chief toilet plunger. I’d go on but I’m grossing myself out.

  4. Ashleigh says:

    I have a 12 day old newborn so i haven’t had the “pleasure” of doing most of this but i have seen most of it but by far the grossest thing that has happened to me so far was the second day of being home from the hospital my newborn had projectile poop while I was changing his diaper and guess who it landed on…all down mommy and since he is newborn he has the newborn poop…sticky and very weird looking…my boyfriend thought it was hysterical

  5. autw says:

    How about having to help your constipated 9 month along by pulling the poop out of her butt, or by having to insert glycerin suppositories…fun. My husband may be scarred for life.

  6. tara says:

    LOL… uck! Although, I must say my little boy LOVES to have the snot sucked out of his nose. I can usually get him to forget about kicking my breasts while I change his diaper if I clean his nose out in the middle of the change!

  7. Dion says:

    I have to say vomit is about the worst for me. I felt awful for my husband when my son threw up in his mouth and all down his front. Needless to say he caught the tummy bug next

  8. ESnitgen says:

    since going green and doing cloth dippers, i get the fun job of scraping the poo from the dipper into the toilet. since the DH dosent like the job i get to do it all the time!

  9. Lykaios says:

    What I found to be pretty bad on the scale is the exorcist newborn puke. My son would throw up right down the middle of my boobs. I’d have puke in my bra, down my tummy and most times even down in my panties from those. I’d have to change completely, both of us! Then I’d keep finding more of it everywhere!

  10. Tangee says:

    As a 46 yr old grandmother raising a three year old grandson i actually find it refreshing sniffing his sweet little toes. I think the grossest thing i’ve done so far is suctioniong his nose with my mouth. Again i’m a grandma and i think we tend to go the extra mild for the grandkids!

  11. diane caso says:

    Sniffed my grandsons bed just a few weeks ago…checking for a pee spot. One of my daughters used to throw up the night that she;s had hot dogs for dinner. Huge chunks of undigested dogs all over, stuuck in her hair..and she didn;t wake up,,,

  12. Rebecca says:

    The first couple……..sniffer and finger sweep…I can honestly say I’ve never done that. My kids produced poops so big and vile smelling that you could see the diaper bulge and sag and you could smell it………oh could their poo be smelled. Even as infants they produced smells that would probably kill small animals.

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  15. Moe says:

    “Bird Feeding” is quite common is some parts of Asia (South East Asia) I remember growing up being “bird fed” by my mom and subsequently doing it for my own daughter! I know its gross, but somehow when we are in that situation “doing it” , we don;t feel it at all! LOL!

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