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“Sugar Glider” – Deceptive Euphemism for FLYING POSSUM!

sugar glider flying possum

AAAAAGGGHHHHH!!!

The kids and I (sans Jon, who stayed behind in Knoxville to continue the neverending job that is stripping and painting our front porch) are spending the weekend with family at the annual Arts & Crafts Fair in Bell Buckle, TN.

After strolling around the town looking at vendors’ booths yesterday, J informed me that someone at the Fair is peddling a creature called “Sugar Gliders.” (I don’t think that live baby animals qualify as an art OR a craft, but that’s another issue…) Anyway, J said they were just adorable – like wee squirrels – and asked if we could maybe bring one home.

I’d never heard of these Sugar Gliders, so I did a quick Google of them on
my iPhone and almost fell over in terror after I discovered what these deceptively cute things really are.

THEY ARE POSSUMS!

But not just ANY possums. These things are possums THAT CAN FLY!

ARGHHHHHH!!!!!

That’s right, Mother Nature has now apparently upped the ante by endowing at least some of these most venal and vicious creatures with actual superpowers.

What’s next? Possums with x-ray vision? Possums with their own personal invisibility cloaks? Mind-reading possums, or possums that can assume human form at will? Sheesh.

Obviously, I made it very clear to J that under NO circumstances would we be bringing one of these baby flying possums home to Knoxville. For starters, Jon would certainly divorce me after he’s spent thousands of dollars and untold weekends in recent months trying to run off the regular old NON flying possums.

Also, I am going to be writing a letter immediately to…ummm…well…whomever it is one writes to complain about inappropriate importation of invasive species. The possums that we have here stateside already are certainly bad enough, as I can attest  from painful personal experience.

Why are we allowing people to bring possums that CAN FLY here from Australia?  Doesn’t anyone remember the whole kudzu thing? And now kudzu has given us stinkbugs, which have ALSO become a bit of problem around Casa Hickju in the last year or two.

“Sugar Gliders,” my ass. Slapping the word “sugar” on a possum doesn’t make it any more likeable than the most vicious animal on the planet, which happens to have a name that starts with “honey.”

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