What We Don’t Talk About When We Talk About Divorce
There’s a common – and I think correct – notion that no one really knows what goes on inside anyone else’s marriage. There’s a reason that’s a truism of sorts, of course.
There’s an invisible, sacred circle of trust that surrounds each and every marriage – a boundary none of us dare cross while we’re in it. And though it’s a hard thing to describe or detail, where that line is precisely, I think we all instinctively know it exists, and where it is. There are things we just don’t talk about, publicly, regarding our marriages. There are secrets, hidden joints and junctures between two people in a relationship that no one else knows about, or should ever know about. In many ways, this is what makes the marriage bond what it is. There is a shared immutable trust and respect, a sense that, come what may, this part of life will not be penetrated by others. This part of life is truly private.
And though it might sound old fashioned in our age of internet exhibitionism and wild public abandon, I believe that the same should hold true of divorce.
Recently I’ve been watching, at a distance, several people I know publicly go through the throes of separation and divorce. And when I say publicly, I mean PUBLICLY. I mean: detailing, down to recording actual dialogue exchanged between the husband and wife of the couple involved, the breakup of their marriages. I mean dissecting and skewering their exes in public – on their blogs, on Facebook, on Twitter, and elsewhere. Things I didn’t believe these people were capable of, they apparently are, and it’s a startling thing to watch unfold. It is, really, what amounts to a public bloodletting writ large – one played out before an audience not composed of friends and family, but of spectators. In watching this, I want to rush at the person writing and throw a blanket on the over-exposed nakedness of their words, protect them somehow from what they are doing to themselves, to their children, and to the person they once claimed to love and once committed their life to. I want to tell them that despite all the comments of apparent praise and support, that the internet isn’t their friend, and that the people urging them to continue bleeding themselves out as spectacle aren’t really on their side. If those people were on their side, they would tell them to PLEASE STOP TALKING NOW.
During my own split, I wrote constantly about my feelings of pain and loss on my blog, quite publicly. I wrote about my heartache, about my fears for the future, about feeling inept and terrified set before the task of parenting and taking care of a household and financially surviving – all without a partner. I wrote about mourning a life I had invested my heart and soul in and never expected to end. But I never, EVER wrote publicly in any detailed way about my marriage, or about why it ended. I never wrote any specifics down about my split, or about what was said, or about what happened. I never wrote about about blame or anger or about any of the other things I see many people writing about ad nauseum and in detail now. I kept my marriage, and its ending, distinctly private. What my marriage was, and the hows and whys and details and specifics regarding how it ended, are, to me, sacred. They are a part of the promise I made to my ex when I stood before everyone I know and love and said, “I do.” Because part of what I promised was to honor this person. And to drag our marriage and its ending out into public and dissect it, and my ex, before thousands of strangers… well, that wouldn’t simply be breaking that promise. It would, to me, represent a total lack of integrity and untrustworthiness. It would be something I couldn’t live with on a personal level, honestly.
But some clearly don’t feel this way, and I’m fairly certain there will be many who will respond to my words here indignantly, praising the Divorce Truth Tellers for their Bravery and Honesty. And though I of course realize there are some who indeed do benefit from reading other’s experiences of divorce, who gain real comfort and strength from reading about it, I would argue that no one needs to know the nitty gritty details – that those details do not make the pain more “honest” or more “real.”
And I can prove it. I couldn’t even tell you how many emails I’ve received over the past two years from virtual strangers, thanking me for my “honesty” and “bravery” in writing about my divorce online. But in reality, what they mean by honesty isn’t exposing details, rather, it’s offering emotional honesty. Those people read my words, and my words made them feel less alone – made them feel understood. THAT is what they responded to. I don’t think my airing personal details and dirty laundry would’ve made them feel even less alone. Or that dishing dirt on WHY my marriage ended would’ve made my words somehow magically braver. No, in my opinion, doing those things would’ve just made me imprudent and dishonorable. And if I had done those things, I would hope to God that someone would’ve told me to PLEASE STOP TALKING, just like I hope that someone cares enough to tell the people I’m watching disembowel themselves and their exes online to please, please, for their own sake if no one else’s, hush up already.
But again, maybe this is archaic, old-school old-lady thinking on my part. Is it? Where do you draw the line, or believe the line should be drawn? What will you say publicly about your own split, and what won’t you say? Do you think it’s wrong to dish publicly about divorce? Or is it anything goes?
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Read more from Tracey Gaughran-Perez at her personal blog Sweetney.com
I didn’t share the details of mine. I didn’t write about and won’t write about the anger and the pain and the bitterness, on both sides.
Because one day my daughter will be reading my words. I make it a rule never to write about anything I wouldn’t feel comfortable saying to her face. Period.
Nope.
I never write about my divorce or the details therein.
It’s one of my hardest and fastest rules.
Hell, I only think I clarified that I was previously divorced, um…2-years ago?
I think the only bitch I’ve ever released on my blog about my ex husband is that he just purchased my 15-year-old an entire bag of Axe spray on cologne and my house now reeks to unending high heaven of the stuff to the point of nausea.
Because, really, who WOULDN’T bitch about that?
;)
I’ve never said so but I have always admired the way you wrote about your divorce. It seemed respectful to me at the time and now I can see why.
Loralee, You are wholly righteous in that indignation. Axe bodyspray breaks ALL deals. :)
I’m with you. I’ve written (way too much I’m sure) about my pain and depression and feelings. However, his life is separate. Our marriage wasn’t displayed for the world to see, why should our divorce be?
I think at times people are so stuck in hurt, that they want to hurt the other person. Something that will only come back to bite them in the ass eventually. It doesn’t hurt that person. Not really. Just you.
I’ve never been married, therefore, I don’t really know if I get an opinion on this. Sometimes, when I read some of these very sad and ugly details, I feel like maybe these people are telling the internet because they don’t have anybody else to talk to anymore. Which makes it even more sad to read.
I do think there is a way to discuss divorce and feelings with tact and respect for your former partner. Personally, I don’t discuss many of my relationships online (yet). I’m newer to blogging and so far my friendships and my romantic relationships (or lack thereof) haven’t really been approached yet, I’m slowly getting more comfortable though.
Anyway, this is just to say that Tracey, I totally and wholeheartedly agree with you and respect the way you handled your divorce on Sweetney.
When my marriage ended, I blogged about it in very tentative terms. My mom had always looked down on women who bad-mouthed their husbands because–’hey, lady, what does that say about you and your ability to pick a mate…’ I was also aware that my stepkids could read my blog and I didn’t want them coming on anything hurtful. It was a month or so later that I was contacted by someone who was starting a community on the order of BlogHer but for Divorced people. It would be so helpful, I was told, if you would just share all your experiences. It felt completely and totally wrong for me, all of which is to say, I’m with you on this one, Sweetney.
No one wins when you dish publicly,
I had a bitter battle, in and out of the courtrroom. When judgement day came, in court, I listened for nearly 5 hours as every mistake I had ever made was talked about for the public record, including my deals online.
My advice for people going through divorce is if you want to record your pain, do so anonymously, metaphroicallyy or wait til the ink’s dry on the degree. Nothing good comes from it except maybe piece of mind that only benefits you in a short term way.
That being said, I go out of my way to help people who are going through it. It;s been 5 years since my doomsday in a court. I don’t want anyone to go through what I did.
super duper post, ma’am
I am very cautious what I say about my ex. I lean a little further toward public excoriation than you, but I think there was probably a little more venom involved in my split than there was in yours (I could be wrong, since you’re pretty close-mouthed about it, but I’m pretty confident in saying my divorce was more acrimonious than just about anyone’s). I’m very conscious of avoiding saying anything that would be legally actionable, but the simple fact is that my ex-husband fails humanity. There will NEVER be any sort of co-parenting or friendly give-and-take between our households, because of the gravity of the offense on his part that led to the dissolution of our marriage and because he’s a shitty human being. Do I wish that wasn’t the case? Of course. But nothing positive or negative that I do will ever influence the situation one iota and therefore as part of writing about my life I occasionally mention frustration with him (for things like one of my kids almost dying on his watch, or the child support check bouncing and effing up my bank account, or him peeing on my lawn) in vague, non-identifying terms without a second thought. It’s kind of an apples-and-oranges thing though; if I’d had an ordinary, run-of-the-mill divorce where he was a sane person who bore some resemblance to the man I thought I married and we just grew apart or someone turned outside the marriage for love/sex or whatever I’d probably take much the same approach as you have.
Wow… now you have be mentally going through my tweets and blog posts hoping that I’ve maintained the same integrity with my own divorce b/c really I don’t want to be one of *those* bloggers, and don’t want to disrespect my EX in that way. You bring up a very good point with this post, my dear, thank you.
One question regarding this:
“…just like I hope that someone cares enough to tell the people I’m watching disembowel themselves and their exes online to please, please, for their own sake if no one else’s, hush up already.”
Why can’t that *someone* be you? What if the only person with enough balls to do so *were* you? :)
This post is reminding me of a friend who was so proud that she got through her divorce without acting dishonorably. It was her main goal, I think. To get through it with her dignity intact. It must have been hard. Even more tempting to a blogger…in pain…with a ready-made platform at his/her disposal. But I have always remembered that…and I hope I always do (although I hope I don’t have NEED of remembering it.)
I provided details on my blog about why my “marriage” (we weren’t actually married, but together for 14 years, so as good as, in my book) fell apart. I’m pretty sure many of them cross the line you mention, and I understand why you dislike such displays. But. My blog is to all intents and purposes anonymous (no names, no photos) and I think there’s only one person I know IRL who actually reads it (and he’s never met my ex). Also, and despite living in France since 1992 and having pretty much fluent French, I still express myself better in English than in French and what happened in my marriage was so traumatic for me, so difficult to deal with, come to terms with and get through, that I had to let it all out somewhere. I don’t have English-speaking friends here, my friends in Britain are, well, in Britain, and my ex has a horrible tendency to deny saying most of the things he says. So, I write them down, on my (anonymous, very low readership) blog. Maybe one day my girls will read it. In many ways, I hope they do. I want them to know – when they’re old enough – what happened, why Papa left, why Maman spent so much time crying. I want them to understand that their father, much as he loves them, has some kind of mental illness and that his judgements aren’t always to be trusted. That he’s told so many lies about me, to so many people, that they shouldn’t always believe what he says. It’s hard for me, in the present, to let them continue to think he’s wonderful, but I have to. I can’t involve them because he’s a good father to them. But he’s still a crap “husband” to me. I get what you’re saying, and agree with it, but sincerely believe that my circumstances are somewhat particular. The Internet has provided me with so much support, it’s saved me. I have friends here, of course, and good ones, well-meaning ones. But when your emotions are being torn to shreds, when it feels like your whole world is collapsing, it’s hard to express yourself coherently in a foreign language, no matter how well you speak it.
I don’t regret putting my various blog posts out there. I needed to get it out, to reach out. I’m much more circumspect on FB (which real life friends read), hinting at difficult times, mentioning difficult events, but rarely giving details.
I have no regrets but fully understand your position and – to be honest – agree with it. If my real life friends read my blog, I suspect I’d be much less open.
Cate, That’s a good point, and something I’ve thought a lot about. I guess I hope that someone close to those people will stand up in that way – I feel that as someone a bit more outside, my saying something might just cause offense/hurt or a defensive reaction, which isn’t what I want. But a good friend saying the same thing would be perceived very differently, and might actually give the person pause, you know?
Kirsty, I think in the instance of a wholly anonymous blog, all bets are off. But anonymity is, as we all know, hard to come by these days. And certainly in the case of those using their real names, those people do need to think about every word they say publicly about their ex – it is something that so easily can come back to haunt them, or their children, down the line.
I understand what you’re saying, though I’ve done everything you speak of. I was in so much pain, so much anger and I am a writer at heart; I had to get it out. Sometimes – many times – I dwelled. And for too long posted sh*t that nobody else but me cared about. And I obsessed about my ex in a very unhealthy way, and I did it publicly.
I also WANTED EVERYONE to know what he did. I wanted everyone to know the truth because his story was no where near the truth. I probably did not handle myself with as much dignity as I could have. I know I didn’t, actually. And since then, I’ve had friends/relatives tell me “Um, I would take that post down” when I’ve gone too far. And you know what? I do.
I wasn’t on Facebook then but hopefully I wouldn’t have put it up there. It makes me extremely – EXTREMELY – uncomfortable when two married friends hash it out on facebook…. But I did do all of that on my blog, which wasn’t at all popular then and still isn’t very much at all today, although I do have “strangers” reading it – but I have never been a private person.
I will say however that I have NEVER spoken ill of my ex in front of my child. And in fact, despite it all (7 years later), we actually get along pretty well today. I am even “friendly” (at soccer games and such) with his wife – the woman he left me for.
As for Issa’s comment, she’s right on. My anger almost killed me – it ate me up inside and I pushed people away because of it. It only hurt me, really. But eventually I got through it, and part of MY process in doing so was “writing it out.”
Just in response to a couple of comments, somewhat disjointedly: I don’t think any marriage ends “well.” There are no happy endings with divorce. No one gets out unscathed, and no one get out without a lot of anger, hurt, and turmoil. I think the “good divorce” is kind of a myth. What I mean by all this is: no matter how badly things ended, how unhappily or angrily or bitterly, we all still have a choice with regards to how to present ourselves and our lives in public. Being angry/hurt/upset/sad isn’t really an excuse to filet another person or air dirty laundry publicly. At least it’s not for adults – or shouldn’t be, anyway. And, obviously, people need to consider not only the other person, but how doing the fileting, the exposing, makes them appear to others watching the spectacle from a safe distance. And to be sure, I come not to shame people in pain, but to, I hope, make people think hard about what they say publicly during times of pain and crisis – particularly about exes who may in fact be co-parents of their children.
Wise words, my friend. This should be required reading for every blogging going through a divorce, especially with children involved. I know how painful it was to hear my mother bash my father during their divorce. I can’t even imagine having all of it online for everyone to read.
I completely agree. I have been following a blogger’s divorce all summer like it’s a train wreck or rather a d list Hollywood celebrity’s demise. I feel it’s wrong, but I can’t look away. I keep reading for the juicy details thinking somebody is going to them to stop writing. Instead, as you state, readers are applauding their writings. I have felt the exact opposite. Like you, I feel it’s really disrespectful to their spouse and children and shows emotional immaturity.
I agree with you Trace. I am pretty damn open about many, many parts of my life – and I allude to “feelings” in my house when discussing my husband on my blog. Yet, when the end comes ( and it will) there are many,many things that are simply not for public consumption.
It took both of us to make a marriage and it will take both of us to dissolve this. We won’t be best buddies, but my goal is to find a way for us to be “adult” about it – because we still Have a Daughter Together. We are tied together forever, and parenting Her is what we still have to do, together, regardless of marital status. He remains HER FATHER, even if he isn’t my husband.
I may feel differently if we had no child ( shit, I am not sure I would have been married for 15 years had we not had a child) – but I kind of doubt it. Its kind of why I made True Wife, after all.
Besides, the shit that has gone down in my marriage – or yours, or anyone’s? Really isn’t anyone else’s business.
I find this post to be extremely condescending. It seems to me you are saying the way you handled your divorce was the “right way” and any other way is wrong. What makes your choices better than someone elses? I believe if I were to get divorced, I probably wouldn’t share many of the details, but I am not so smug to believe that my way is correct for everyone.
There’s a lot of wisdom in here. I admire you.
Just… thank you. I understand the position you’re coming from, and the influence you hold, and I’ve been reading some public oversharing from people I’ve followed for years with a sick feeling that no-one they know IRL cares enough to try to stop the train-wreck. Today, it may feel like honesty and bravery and healing through writing and support…tomorrow it may feel much more like a bitter hang-over you have to explain to the kids, your boss, a judge. Details are shown through a fun-house mirror of where you are at that moment – and it’s not necessarily where you’re always going to be.
I see where you are coming from. I’d probably adopt the same approach myself, if I were separating. But, you know, I think what you’re talking about is a very personal thing: what helped you, what was important to you, during your divorce.
Plenty of people would think that you overshared on your blog, that it was disrespectful and inappropriate to write anything at all. So while it’s fine to draw a line for yourself, I think you’ve been a little judgemental here and drawn a line for everyone else too. Your post doesn’t like opinion, it sounds like you are pronouncing what is The Right Way To Do Things.We all think that our way is the best way, right? Otherwise we’d be doing it (whatever ‘it’ may be) a different way. That doesn’t mean it suits everyone else.
It’s a little like the boring old breastfeeding debate. You get people who say breastfeeding is the only way; you get those who go for formula only; and in between you get a lot of people who use a limited amount of formula as it suits them. This is fine (OBVIOUSLY), but then some of them say ‘my god, I would NEVER feed formula-only’. That’s sort of what you are doing, to my eyes. If that makes any sense at all!
Surely if it’s ok for you to blog a bit about your divorce, it’s ok for others to blog a lot?
Becky,
You’re right – I’m of the opinion that there’s absolutely nothing wrong with writing a lot, and emotionally, about your divorce. In fact, I said that in my post. I gave examples of my own very emotional writing, too. I am in no way saying people shouldn’t do that. At all. In fact, quite the opposite. Write as much as you want, by all means.
My issue is with people who tear apart their exes online, performing a kind of character assassination, bring all the detailed ugliness of their (dying/dead) marriage out into the public sphere. It hurts THEM – the person doing it – and their children (and, honestly, it can be dangerous and used against them in court – it’s very serious, and not simply about decorum). So you are right that my opinion is that if only to protect themselves and their kids, I do absolutely believe people should refrain from airing the dirty laundry of their marriage while going through a divorce, and that is my advice to anyone, and what I say to anyone who asks me my opinion. From my perspective and experience and watching what others have done, doing that to your ex is a bad idea for any number of very obvious reasons – the children being first and foremost. But again, that’s just my opinion. Everyone has a right to theirs, too, and to do what they feel is right for themselves.
Man. I just clicked over here from reading a divorce I’m following on a blogger’s site and wiser words cannot be found. This is a person who has previously written funny, clever posts and has suddenly spiraled out of control. As she details “her side” I can clearly see why the other people in the story are reacting to her in the ways she says they are and can actually see why they are doing so. I want so baldy for someone to tell her to stop, please, wait six months before you write about this because you are doing so much more damage than you know. But you can tell she is certain she is right and writing “the truth” and the whole thing is so painful to read. Anyway, Tracey, you are just so damn smart and my crush on you is rapidly growing…
My relationship of 9 years ended in a really effed up, melodramatic way. It involved cheating, foreclosure, bankruptcy, etc. (The only saving grace is that we had no children together) My ex-partner was wholly wrong on many fronts, and instigated our “divorce” in the worst of ways and left me completely wrecked. She lost every single friend in her life eventually, we don’t speak, it was messy.
But… there was a part of me that tried always to take the high road (not always successfully of course) and I did that FOR ME. It was some saving grace that I could hold onto my dignity, my respect for myself, my deep trust that I was doing the best I could on all fronts — that I was strong enough and capable enough to do this. I tried very hard not to speak badly about her in front of shared friends at the time, I consciously tried to speak honestly and factually when I had to speak about any situations that were contentious, and I prefaced everything with “this is how I’m feeling right now…”
In the end, everyone saw through what she was doing any way. Looking back, she was not handling anything in a good way, she acted very irresponsibly and hurtfully. Everyone knew that–they didn’t need me to say it. And looking back, I’m proud of how I tried to hold it together and be the biggest person I could be. That helped ME heal. It was the first thing I had done for ME, the first decision I had made by MYSELF in a long time.
My two cents.
Thank you so much!!! I am currently seperated from my husband for almost one year. Nobody knows about this except for my children, and very few friends that I trust the most. I was kind of worried about how do I announce this when I am offically divorced, now reading this, I agree with you that this should be between me and my husband. It is none of their business to know what is the reason for our divorce but us! I am starting to feel so much better now. Again, thank you so much!!!
[...] Abuse There’s a common – and I think correct – notion that no one really knows what goes on inside a… There’s a reason that’s a truism of sorts, of course. There’s an invisible, sacred circle of [...]
I only shared SOME details with very close friends/family whom I trusted. I couldn’t not say anything, I’d spent too many years not being able to speak the truth. But I never posted anything about my divorce on any public place, like Facebook, Twitter, or in a blog. I feel like people who dish on their spouses/exs on FB are trashy, and some of that stuff could end up in court.
My blog is psuedononymous out of respect for my ex-husband and our children. Still, even if I’m incognito, I struggle while wirting every blog post, asking myself if something really needs to be said. I feel that my blog is primarily entertainment, not therapy. For that I comiserate privately with online friends going through the same posti-divorce insnity.
I’ll be the contrarian here. The fact that yet another marriage ended is far more ugly than the way it crashed & burned could ever be. If people want to vent so be it. If it bashes somebody’s parent, child, brother, sister . . . oh well.
No one is saying its a good thing – just not as bad as you make it out to be. “Disrespect” is not confined to failed marriages and just because a falling out has the label of “divorce” on it, does not mean it is immune from the acrimony that other feuds experience; I don’t see the moral imperative to treat someone who wounded you, often times betrayed you, with more respect than a stranger. Some people just refuse to wear the fig leaf when talking about their lives. Honestly, it seems lame when a person is writing about emotional pain and it is clear he/she is purposely side stepping details – especially when those details seem pertinent. If giving details about a situation seems bad or wrong then maybe one should not be writing about such things in the first place?
Divorces should not be sterile. It comes across as twisted to advocate that beautiful things should just die quietly.
This is a great article – I have read it several times to keep myself in check……… I have no reason to disrespect my husband but I have my weak moments I want to say something to him, that doesnt need to be said or brought up……. I need to swallow my pride and anger and start looking forward to our changes……… My soon to be ex was never a mean, bad man, just works to to to much…….. No time for me or his kid………….. So instead of waiting around for him and being alone and miserable, we have agreed to move on………. I have so many fears and frustrations, but I cant give up and lose hope…………
[...] of me on Sweetney & Spice: Does Your Marriage Have an Expiration Date? What We Don’t Talk About When We Talk About Divorce Do Parents Have the Right to be [...]
[...] of me on Sweetney & Spice: – Does Your Marriage Have an Expiration Date? – What We Don’t Talk About When We Talk About Divorce – Do Parents Have the Right to be [...]
[...] of me on Sweetney & Spice: – Does Your Marriage Have an Expiration Date? – What We Don’t Talk About When We Talk About Divorce – Do Parents Have the Right to be [...]
[...] of me on Sweetney & Spice: – Does Your Marriage Have an Expiration Date? – What We Don’t Talk About When We Talk About Divorce – Do Parents Have the Right to be [...]
Yes… I agree with you and have acted exactly the same way. It is very dishonorable to talk about details at all (apart from in person, with close friends if/when needed). They are private matters, not to mention we each should look to our own failings, not just our partners. It takes two to tango, and I look at it like it is usually just two personalities that don’t quite mesh right. That’s not blame, it’s just two people raised differently, with values or experiences that may differ just enough that they can never bridge the chasm they hoped to connect when putting their lives together. The best they can do (and I speak from experience) after it ends is to grieve and allow themselves to forgive and try to move on. It’s painful, but not nearly as painful as having to live with the consequences of wrong choices in moments of anger and pain.
[...] Does Your Marriage Have an Expiration Date? – What We Don’t Talk About When We Talk About Divorce – Do Parents Have the Right to be [...]
I am going to post this comment without having read the other comments to see if anyone shared a similar experience so here goes: I wrote about my divorce. I wrote about how it made me feel. I wrote about the incident that prefaced it. I wrote about the abuse I took at the hands of a man with an alcohol addiction and an nasty temper. I’ll never take those words back. What he did, happened, and discounting the fact that I had to take myself and my child to the emergency room very late at night and all the other facts of what he did to me does nothing for anyone. I was abused, verbally and then physically at the end. Keeping quiet about it does a disservice to other women who may be in the situation I was facing and are trying to decide if they should stay or go.
Now, in saying these things let me also point out that no one would be able to find my ex through my blog. I didn’t discuss every intimate detail of every small transgression that occured between us. I limited my writing to mostly my feelings about the incident and my fears for myself and my children. I wrote about the abuse in very specific instances and some details because I want others to recognize abuse when it’s happening to them.
I do not regret talking about my divorce. I do not regret never posting my ex’s private information on the web for all to see. I may have no respect for the man who hurt me but I do have respect for the fact that he is a man and he will answer for what he did to someone higher than me. He is already paying for what he did with his own regrets or lack thereof and it isn’t my place to dole out punishment. I can only tell it from my point of view and describe it’s effect on me. If he ever finds my blog and has something to say, we’ll discuss it then but I won’t allow him to intimidate me into keeping his dirty little abusive secrets for him either.
[...] Does Your Marriage Have an Expiration Date? – What We Don’t Talk About When We Talk About Divorce – Do Parents Have the Right to be [...]
[...] Does Your Marriage Have an Expiration Date? – What We Don’t Talk About When We Talk About Divorce – Do Parents Have the Right to be [...]
I can say this; that divorce is the most agnozing thing I have ever experienced in my life. I was married for 23 years. Alot of great memories. I tend to focus on the good because it makes me feel better. My children have suffered a great deal. I feel so guilty that I tried so hard to make things work. I also had a child as a single mom; the heartache my child has suffered so hard in getting our attention as WE at the school, at baseball games, at the olympics, my heart aches at his sadness. It’s heartbreaking to love a man so much because he gave you the greatest gift with GOD PRESENT. The Guilt that I have TWO Failed attempts at Love in front of my greatest Critics, my Children. When everything is Onesideded and not we not for a drink together, not for a walk together, not for a Connection and your beaten down I have decided to teach them that if your not happy MOVE ON. But the price of lonliness is Great. However, I have recently discovered that I can still find Love, Again. I had no inclination that this opportunity would precent itself to me, but it has, I have a confidence in my stroll when I walk, alone. Still trying to make everyone happy, recently realizing, that I was’nt happy for such a long time still trying spontaneously to be me to exemplify this for my children. Think positive like God like the cross. Ignore all the guilt when you are with them to make all family memories HAPPY is better for the children the dogs, the cats, for me and my exes. Realize there is somebody. Work on being Beautiful, smiling is contagious, Laughter is the best medicine I can ever Ingest. No matter how much I hurt. I will not be hesitent anymore to open the door that I thought was closed for more than twenty years. To start a new adventure in my fiftys to be happier. To take my expereinces and the knowledgeI have to remember the Good Times, always. Mom is taking the leap of Faith. To not feel guilty, to not have low self esteem. Taking my adventure to the next level. Scary, but so exciting.