I’ve been married for almost eight years, and even though I adore Andy and would never cheat on him (because let’s face it, I haven’t exactly kept things in showroom ready condition), he still gets jealous when he walks in to find me watching Stripes. Not The Notebook or Magic Mike… Stripes.
I’ve never been the traditional beauty type. Dismissing Kirk Cameron and Corey Haim for Danny from NKOTB and Tom Hanks redheaded friend from Big. This made for less tear out posters from Tiger Beat and me being the only girl scribbling Mrs. Jared Rushton on her Trapper Keeper.
My infatuation with the quirky continues to this day, and honestly, I think it makes my husband a little insecure. Do I care that he gets a hard-on for Megan Fox or Jessica Alba? Nope. I’m not really the jealous type, and that includes losing my head over some celebrity crush that will likely never, ever, pan out. Not that he isn’t a hottie, but millions of guys drool over these women, and if they find themselves falling for a computer engineer in Ohio, they better come with a love for back shaving and scrubbing armpit stains out of undershirts.
Shauna: And overdraft fees.
You want my life Alba!?
While it’s equally unrealistic that Ryan Gosling will show up craving a thirty-one year old chubby girl with a childbirth-induced incontinence issue (because my celebrity crushes are a bit more nontraditional) my hubby gets a little bit ruffled when he catches me drooling over men that he feels like I could potentially actually leave him for.
Humor is clearly my erogenous zone, because I’m sexually drawn to men who make me laugh. Well, except for Tom Selleck, I mean, I just really like his mustache.
Shauna: It’s like the perfect mustache.
Brittany: Right? Who’s on your list?
Shauna: Jack Black, Steve Zahn, John Cusack, Matthew Broderick and Bill Paxton.
Brittany: Polygamist Bill Paxton or Twister Bill Paxton?
Shauna: Does it matter?
Brittany: Not even a little.