Fall is moving in (if the temperatures in Philly lately are any indication), so I’ve been enjoying checking out the latest fashion choices for us plus-sized gals these days, and I have bad news: THEY SUCK. I mean, plus size fashion is always a crap shoot, but this year is particularly bad.
Tim Gunn recently said in an article in Huff Po while speaking about a Lord & Taylor store in New York, “You’ve never seen such hideous clothes in your entire life. I mean, it’s simply appalling. Thank God there are no windows on that floor, because if I were a size 18, I’d throw myself right out the window [after seeing those clothes]. It’s insulting what these designers do to these women.”
Ain’t it the truth? Now, I make no claims to being a fashion-forward woman if it’s black and it doesn’t make me look worse, I buy it but I can still tell what sucks. So, with no further ado, please enjoy the ten WORST things I found in the new arrivals sections of various online stores.
New Item 5 1 of 11
Crocheted tiered pullover from One Stop Plus.
Veronica Blouse 2 of 11
I don't know who this Veronica person is, but I think she's not a fan of fat people. Because why else would she say, "I know! I'm going to create a blouse for a fat woman! I'll start with ruffles around the neck, add pleats that will gape appallingly over the breasts, and then! for the topper! I'll put big, ugly ruffles on the sleeves and make it GREEN!"
I don't like Veronica.
Edgy Camo Sweater With Spikes 3 of 11
People. I can't even. Even the model is trying not to crack up about this shirt. CAMO. WITH SPIKES ON THE SHOULDER. The hell?
Playful Mustache Leggings 4 of 11
FOR THE LOVE OF GOD.
Some larger women can rock a pair of leggings (I am NOT one), but no one thin OR fat should ever, ever wear these. Just NO. No no no no no.
Playful mustache leggings from Forever 21, those bastards.
Batik Print Ruffled Top 5 of 11
Oof. Is there anyone that looks good in SIDE RUFFLES? Is so, I have yet to see them. Frankly, the ruffles extending past the edge of the shirt just look like someone forgot to trim the extra fabric, and thought, "ah, hell with it!" and called it "ruffles."
And the pattern isn't doing anyone any favors. We shall not even address the pants. Because HELL TO THE NO.
Tunic top in pleated Henley design with 3/4 convertible sleeves 6 of 11
Awesome. Not only does this include the bad-for-big-boobs pleated top nonsense at the top, but it manages to look both like a maternity shirt AND pajamas at the same time. Which, hey, if you're pregnant and in bed, totally works!
Tunic top in pleated Henley design with 3/4 convertible sleeves from The Woman Within, I'm guessing because you'd have to hunt to find the woman in this voluminous mess.
Studded Leopard Tee 7 of 11
WHY. I'm begging you, tell me WHY plus sized designers think fat women want GIANT PICTURES OF CAT HEADS on their boobs? I must have found 20 shirts like this. But this one is the one I chose for "worst" because STUDS. ON THE CHEEKS OF THE LEOPARD. No.
Shaw Collar Jogset 8 of 11
Yes, definitely call this atrocity a JOGSET. Because nothing says jogging like faux velvet, a weird ass "shaw collar," and PURPLE. Not to mention that the model is wearing HEELS.
Sapphire Woman Print Smocked-Hem Blouse 9 of 11
This shirt isn't... horrid. The boxy cut could, in fact, be flattering on some larger women. But it's ruined by this weird X pattern that looks like a giant warning sign on the poor woman's body. UG.
Alfred DunnerÃï¿½Â® French Riviera Paisley Striped Shirt 10 of 11
First of all, horizontal stripes. No. Just, never. And once you add in that "paisley things looking like the aliens bursting out of your torn flesh" this shirt has crossed over into the unforgivable.
Shirred Butterfly Tee 11 of 11
You know what? After the rest of the list, this shirt is just fine. Stupid little ties that dangle and call attention to your hips? Sure! Huge butterfly making your boobs look lopsided? Whatever! BRING IT ON, FALL FASHION.