The day after Thanksgiving starts the official Christmas season for me. Let me be totally honest – I LOVE CHRISTMAS AND IT’S MY FAVORITE. In the past few days, I have trimmed trees and decked halls and strung more lights than you can count. I have listened to a million holiday songs and watched Christmas movies with my kids. It’s great! But there’s a certain degree of holiday amnesia that I experience every year, not unlike the amnesia that women are supposed to experience around childbirth. Because Christmas is not all snowflakes and smiley time. It’s a lot of work, and there are some aspects of it that are kind of a pain in the parts.
So I present to you, the 12 Days of Christmas Things I Always Forget About.
Let’s begin… 1 of 13
I forget a lot.
Every year… 2 of 13
I forget to water the tree and then it sheds like a damn labrador.
Good GOD. 3 of 13
How much do stamps cost?! And Tiny Prints can kiss my butt.
You do it, too. 4 of 13
I'm exhausted and it's 9:55 and I'm this close to going to sleep when BOOM - The Holiday comes on and I'm up 'til midnight. Thanks, TNT - I really appreciate that.
This is a fact. 5 of 13
I can't do one more thing. If you wanted to take me to see Catching Fire with my imaginary BFF JENNIFER LAWRENCE HERSELF (and we would have cocktails and take selfies together that I could later put on Facebook), I would have to say no until January 5th. How freaking sad is that?
You already know. 6 of 13
I hate that little red-suited cootie. But my kids love him so whatever, I do it.
Just no. 7 of 13
It's horrible. Don't even. But you have to.
Thanks, sweetie. 8 of 13
And this is why I end up at the post office on December 22nd wishing I was undergoing oral surgery or anything other than waiting in that line.
And always late at night, too. 9 of 13
I sit down to do some late night wrapping, (perhaps while watching a movie and forgetting to move the elf) only to find that ALL of the scotch tape that I've purchased for this exact purpose is gone. Where does it go? I have no idea. It's a Christmas miracle.
Last year I wore yoga pants. For reals. 10 of 13
There was a bleach spot on them but I colored over it with a Sharpie and wore cute shoes so it was all good. (This is not a joke. Pity me.)
It’s embarrassing. 11 of 13
Nothing says "you stayed up too late drinking wine and watching The Holiday again" then having your neighbors see all your outside Christmas lights on at 6am.
Oh Judy. Seriously. STOP. 12 of 13
I hear this song and at least once a holiday season I start to involuntarily heave cry. Because every year, there comes That Moment, when I realize how many (metaphorical) empty chairs at the table there are. And as the years pass, there are more people who are gone. There are more people to cry for at Christmas.
Damn it. Sorry.
Christmas 1981 was THE BEST 13 of 13
My grandmother did Christmas better than anyone in the history of ever. She could make it snow by sheer force of will alone. She left Santa her homemade cookies and 12-year-old scotch and I'm pretty sure he was like: "SOLID. Thanks, Grammy."
I always thought nothing could ever live up to those amazing memories. Then my kids were born. I never would have guessed it, but it's so much better.
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